Mental Health Trying to get right - can't get over reluctance to go out, see friend's etc.

[Drench]

Hi guys, first of all let me pause and say how helpful and enlightening I have already found many posts I am very thankful to be able to communicate with others who have experience in this area.

I have GAD, SA and Depression (or TRD) but I am doing just fine at the moment. I am on a regime of medication with currently is seeming to be OK, I'm not saying it works properly but it gives me something to work with.

The main problem for me is going out. I fear what people will think of me, especially old friends who know my history. I have two people who will happily socialise with me but I keep knocking them back. I don't know why, I may fear them seeing how I have changed or being judged in some way. I don't want to be the 'one', I just want to be a good friend. I also generally avoid going out in public, this is part of my problem.

Does anyone have any comments, ideas, experiences etc.?

Cheers,

D.

 

[sam05]

im the same way, i only go out when i need to and usually stay at home. it gets a bit boring though so i force myself to go out and do something, even by myself.

what ive found helpful regarding anxiety is meditation, and long walks. also trying not to be too critical of yourself or care so much what people think of you, if you say something stupid dont feel too bad about it, the other person is probably thinking more about themselves anyway.

 

[Drench]

im the same way, i only go out when i need to and usually stay at home. it gets a bit boring though so i force myself to go out and do something, even by myself.

what ive found helpful regarding anxiety is meditation, and long walks. also trying not to be too critical of yourself or care so much what people think of you, if you say something stupid dont feel too bad about it, the other person is probably thinking more about themselves anyway.

Thank you for your help

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I have issues going out, too. I didn't even want to go into a gas station today to buy smokes, but I did, and I feel at least a little proud of myself for pushing myself a bit.

Sounds like you have realized that no regiment works as well as one would want. It's the case for me too, something to work with.

We can't change other people, only ourselves. If the people that you hang around with can't accept that you have a condition, are they worth it? You are also of course free to confide in whomever you want.

Seeing a therapist to talk over what may haunt you is integral to your success, I would argue. Too often we mentally ill forget that medication is only one part of our recovery. Please excuse me if you already know that or have one, I'm trying not to sound too preachy.

Those two friends sound like good people. No one wants to be judged, but it happens naturally. Odds are, if your condition is somewhat obvious, they have accepted you for who you are. It also kind of sounds like they wouldn't mind if you confided a bit in them. What do you think?

So this thing about going out in public, does it make you feel like you're being talked about? That you somehow stick out? That you can't breathe? That everyone is too good for you? I'm trying to get a handle on just what it is that prevents you from going out in public. Being in public is a part of our lives whether we like it or not, unfortunate as that may be. I had major major issues being in public, but now it troubles me at about 25% or less than it used to. And it gets better the longer I'm in public. I rely on medication, but I've come to terms with that.

Of course I'm no therapist, but I think your post shows that you genuinely want help, and that's awesome!

 

[herbavore]

what ive found helpful regarding anxiety is meditation, and long walks. also trying not to be too critical of yourself or care so much what people think of you, if you say something stupid dont feel too bad about it, the other person is probably thinking more about themselves anyway.

golden post. Anxiety is our minds deciding what other people's minds are thinking about us. We project this fear out in front of ourselves and then continually walk right into it, thus confirming our view that it is real when it is no more than our own fear manifesting in judgments about ourselves which we then ascribe to others. It always amazes me that I can still let my mind do that!

 

[Borderballad]

I have found over the last few years that motivating myself to leave the house even for a walk always helped. Working up to opening that door and actually leaving can be such a daunting task. It always makes me feel pathetic that I can create so much stress over something like going outside.

I would go sit in a pub and drink a pint or two slowly and just people watch, to feel some form of socialising even if I wasn't the one partaking in it! You do get the awk situations when people keep asking why you're alone etc but they are easier to handle as they pop up now.

Long walks are truly beneficial in my opinion. You've fresh air, you aren't surrounded by the same four walls that suffocate you and I thinkit's the best time to think things through. Once you've got a few steps out, you just need to ease yourself into it. Don't force yourself into a position you don't want to be in because you'll always feel bad vibes and anxiety then. Take it easy, and look after yourself. Maybe join a few clubs when you can.