I've never posted on anything like this. But now that I'm really searching for answers, I'm hoping someone can just hear me out and offer kind words. I would rather not be informed of anything that might truly freak me out, so if you have any understanding, please let me down easy..... 
I'm a 23 year-old with a very wonderful life. I function, for the most part, very normally, compared to some of the things I've read on here. I'm in a great relationship, I'm creative, I'm an aspiring career woman and can't wait to become a mom. I am blessed and happy.
But for for almost 4 years I've dealt with something I have never understood. When I was 19 I became very interested in LSD and I did it quite a lot in a span of 6 months. All of my experiences were great and I became a really interesting individual. I really found peace with myself and I guess you could say I was like a 21st century hippie-type going to college and enjoying life. Then my last trip ended very negatively. I had never experienced a bad trip but the last one I had just ended up very bad. It was simply just a giant panic attack, I kind of felt like I was dying, slipping away, and I couldn't calm myself down. I remember just laying in bed and listening to Enya and told myself it's going to be okay.
Eventually I fell asleep. And I woke up the next day, and like always was FINE. It was like any other of my post-trip days. I just woke up sober and fine. Then about 1 month went by. 1 FULL month! And I woke up and was truly never the same. In the beginning, it was the feeling many people on here have described. A sort of depersonalization, a full blown anxiety, a weird kind of bad trip-like state. I told my family and just sought guidance. For weeks, I was very very unstable. I wasn't suicidal, I wasn't even fully down all the time. I could still study for tests, I could still go to school. I still had friends and I just kept my cool as much as possible. As the days went by, it became less frightening and more just "I guess this is how I feel now". It was far worse in the beginning. Even in the first week it was worse than it became with a little bit of time. I used to smoke a lot of pot. And after all of this happened, I couldn't anymore. I truly couldn't even smoke without the negativity being too, too real.
The same day I woke up like this I also had this new-found neck and head pain. And this fatigue.. this constant fog like I was just always half alive. My anxiety was pretty bad. I think it came with the general feeling I had all over.
The thing is... almost 4 years have passed. I've graduated college, I've made new friends, I've had beautiful experiences. I've gone through a breakup and found love again. I've been living a normal life. The problem is not even my own mother believes me when I say... I still don't feel the way I once did.
Current issues include: true, true brain fog (I don't even know if that's what to call it) Like a loss of pure energy. I still feel normal in the sense that I wake up and am more energized and then am tired at night. I sleep FINE. I am an amazing sleeper. I still have the energy to laugh, make jokes, go out with my friends. But for years, I've just had this underlying feeling that just EXISTS. It's just a darkness, a tiredness, and when I get lost enough in the feeling (like if I really let myself think about it) it becomes a feeling of life just slipping away... Like I don't have the true connection to my energy that I should. I don't have a true connection to myself. I am never fully at peace.
My neck pain is CONSTANT. If it's not bad, it's just tension. Like a tension that almost feels as though it's causing my fatigue and a sense of this dream-like state. It's like my shoulders and neck and head are this thing that all together wants to explode and kill me in an instant. If I get too anxious about it, I truly feel like my brain is going to actually burst open. It's so stupid that I even have this issue. But the fatigue, the tension, the anxiety, the disconnection from my energy.. it all feels like this weird leftover side effect from doing too much LSD. I'm not saying thats what it is. In my mind, however, it just weirdly feels like they're connected.
That's the problem though.. I don't even know if I have a state of drug-induced psychosis. I want to believe my problems are all physical. I want to believe I can fix this by changing something physically. So much of what I read about involving HPPD.. that's not me. I don't see things. But I feel negative energy very strongly. I feel sort of pushed down and weak a lot. What I can't figure out is if it is all just a mixture of physical fatigue and spinal issues that bring me into a state of anxiety that makes me feel the way a bad trip feels. I could feel so bad physically that it just creates this negative feeling in my mind that it is the LSD.
The psychosis people talk about involving paranoia, suicidal thoughts, this just doesn't sound like me. I'm truly just foggy in the sense that for almost 4 years I've been half alive. I still can create this great reality for myself. I am strong. I work out and eat well. I have a beautiful family and life.
But on the inside, something is extremely not right. I cry about this all the time.. I feel like I lost myself one day. I truly don't understand. It is worse than I'm even making it out to me because it's hard to describe. But some people say "LSD screwed me up, I'm so messed up" and honestly I do feel that way when I think about it too much. I live the best I can. But I want to know....
What the hell is this crap I'm living with? Was it drugs? Or is my body just severely weird? Some people have written adrenal fatigue on here.. Others talk about serotonin. But my problems are truly more physical feeling than emotional. I can deal with anxiety, I can't deal with the spinal pain and the "fatigue".
Thanks for any comments. Seriously, thank you so much!
I'm a 23 year-old with a very wonderful life. I function, for the most part, very normally, compared to some of the things I've read on here. I'm in a great relationship, I'm creative, I'm an aspiring career woman and can't wait to become a mom. I am blessed and happy.
But for for almost 4 years I've dealt with something I have never understood. When I was 19 I became very interested in LSD and I did it quite a lot in a span of 6 months. All of my experiences were great and I became a really interesting individual. I really found peace with myself and I guess you could say I was like a 21st century hippie-type going to college and enjoying life. Then my last trip ended very negatively. I had never experienced a bad trip but the last one I had just ended up very bad. It was simply just a giant panic attack, I kind of felt like I was dying, slipping away, and I couldn't calm myself down. I remember just laying in bed and listening to Enya and told myself it's going to be okay.
Eventually I fell asleep. And I woke up the next day, and like always was FINE. It was like any other of my post-trip days. I just woke up sober and fine. Then about 1 month went by. 1 FULL month! And I woke up and was truly never the same. In the beginning, it was the feeling many people on here have described. A sort of depersonalization, a full blown anxiety, a weird kind of bad trip-like state. I told my family and just sought guidance. For weeks, I was very very unstable. I wasn't suicidal, I wasn't even fully down all the time. I could still study for tests, I could still go to school. I still had friends and I just kept my cool as much as possible. As the days went by, it became less frightening and more just "I guess this is how I feel now". It was far worse in the beginning. Even in the first week it was worse than it became with a little bit of time. I used to smoke a lot of pot. And after all of this happened, I couldn't anymore. I truly couldn't even smoke without the negativity being too, too real.
The same day I woke up like this I also had this new-found neck and head pain. And this fatigue.. this constant fog like I was just always half alive. My anxiety was pretty bad. I think it came with the general feeling I had all over.
The thing is... almost 4 years have passed. I've graduated college, I've made new friends, I've had beautiful experiences. I've gone through a breakup and found love again. I've been living a normal life. The problem is not even my own mother believes me when I say... I still don't feel the way I once did.
Current issues include: true, true brain fog (I don't even know if that's what to call it) Like a loss of pure energy. I still feel normal in the sense that I wake up and am more energized and then am tired at night. I sleep FINE. I am an amazing sleeper. I still have the energy to laugh, make jokes, go out with my friends. But for years, I've just had this underlying feeling that just EXISTS. It's just a darkness, a tiredness, and when I get lost enough in the feeling (like if I really let myself think about it) it becomes a feeling of life just slipping away... Like I don't have the true connection to my energy that I should. I don't have a true connection to myself. I am never fully at peace.
My neck pain is CONSTANT. If it's not bad, it's just tension. Like a tension that almost feels as though it's causing my fatigue and a sense of this dream-like state. It's like my shoulders and neck and head are this thing that all together wants to explode and kill me in an instant. If I get too anxious about it, I truly feel like my brain is going to actually burst open. It's so stupid that I even have this issue. But the fatigue, the tension, the anxiety, the disconnection from my energy.. it all feels like this weird leftover side effect from doing too much LSD. I'm not saying thats what it is. In my mind, however, it just weirdly feels like they're connected.
That's the problem though.. I don't even know if I have a state of drug-induced psychosis. I want to believe my problems are all physical. I want to believe I can fix this by changing something physically. So much of what I read about involving HPPD.. that's not me. I don't see things. But I feel negative energy very strongly. I feel sort of pushed down and weak a lot. What I can't figure out is if it is all just a mixture of physical fatigue and spinal issues that bring me into a state of anxiety that makes me feel the way a bad trip feels. I could feel so bad physically that it just creates this negative feeling in my mind that it is the LSD.
The psychosis people talk about involving paranoia, suicidal thoughts, this just doesn't sound like me. I'm truly just foggy in the sense that for almost 4 years I've been half alive. I still can create this great reality for myself. I am strong. I work out and eat well. I have a beautiful family and life.
But on the inside, something is extremely not right. I cry about this all the time.. I feel like I lost myself one day. I truly don't understand. It is worse than I'm even making it out to me because it's hard to describe. But some people say "LSD screwed me up, I'm so messed up" and honestly I do feel that way when I think about it too much. I live the best I can. But I want to know....
What the hell is this crap I'm living with? Was it drugs? Or is my body just severely weird? Some people have written adrenal fatigue on here.. Others talk about serotonin. But my problems are truly more physical feeling than emotional. I can deal with anxiety, I can't deal with the spinal pain and the "fatigue".
Thanks for any comments. Seriously, thank you so much!
For instance your neck and shoulder pain may be completely separate from your sense of disconnection, though that could still be exacerbating physical tension. Likewise, some of your sense of disconnection may not be related to the harsh trip. Try to tease things apart and deal with them in small steps of forward movement in your own mind. 
