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Truth and consequences

D

DoctorMolecule

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
732
My wife asked if I have relapsed, and in that emotional pain experienced a reflex to just be honest and admit it. And there have been a rainbow of different outcomes from that honest reflex.
Let me hear yours
 
I started rebuilding a trusting relationship with my wife under very similar circumstances.

Back in October 2016 I had relapsed hard (and secretly) immediately after returning home from rehab. At the time I had a bug up my ass that getting onto naltrexone would help me resist the cravings that kept me on the abstain/relapse rollercoaster. But before initiating naltrexone, a person needs to accumulate ~7 days opiate-free, otherwise the new drug will induce precipitated withdrawals. I tried and tried, but just couldn't string together anything close to 7 days clean. So finally I said 'fuck it' and dropped my first naltrexone pill. Bad idea. Within 15 minutes I was in the worst WDs I've ever had. I was just a disaster.

After a couple hours like that my wife came home from work. I considered trying to hide the WDs by saying I had the flu. But at that moment I was so broken and terrified that I simply told her the truth.

It was *rough*. She walked out the door to stay with a friend of hers b/c she was so pissed at me, though she didn't tell me where she was going or when she'd return. That was about as alone as I've ever felt.

...But, we've come back pretty well since then. As awful as it felt at the time, I've become glad I told her the truth that day. It caused a huge rupture between us. But after that, it gave us solid ground (no lies) to begin repairing the trust that my years of heroin addiction had harmed.
 
simco said:
I started rebuilding a trusting relationship with my wife under very similar circumstances.

Back in October 2016 I had relapsed hard (and secretly) immediately after returning home from rehab. At the time I had a bug up my ass that getting onto naltrexone would help me resist the cravings that kept me on the abstain/relapse rollercoaster. But before initiating naltrexone, a person needs to accumulate ~7 days opiate-free, otherwise the new drug will induce precipitated withdrawals. I tried and tried, but just couldn't string together anything close to 7 days clean. So finally I said 'fuck it' and dropped my first naltrexone pill. Bad idea. Within 15 minutes I was in the worst WDs I've ever had. I was just a disaster.

After a couple hours like that my wife came home from work. I considered trying to hide the WDs by saying I had the flu. But at that moment I was so broken and terrified that I simply told her the truth.

It was *rough*. She walked out the door to stay with a friend of hers b/c she was so pissed at me, though she didn't tell me where she was going or when she'd return. That was about as alone as I've ever felt.

...But, we've come back pretty well since then. As awful as it felt at the time, I've become glad I told her the truth that day. It caused a huge rupture between us. But after that, it gave us solid ground (no lies) to begin repairing the trust that my years of heroin addiction had harmed.
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Yeah I have to earn her trust again. But I can't promise her I'll never use again, months or years might go by and I may slip again, then what? Hide it and let the disease fester or tell her the truth knowing full well she might hand me divorce papers
 
Pretty good, loving life my wife. It's so beautiful in the Midwest in the states.
7 days clean from IV H. Feeling anxiety really bad, hope I sleep well tonight
 
For what it's worth, I'm a (non-user) wife of an addict, and honesty is absolutely the most important thing for me. A relapse really isn't so terrible when my husband is just honest about it. Not saying it's the same for everyone. But I don't even feel angry when he relapses if he's honest about it. Of course I don't know you or your wife so it could be different for you. Just hoping to give a little hope and encouragement!
 
I had to tell my family about my addiction a number of years ago. I regret the pain I caused them and the amount of distrust it has caused lingers to this day.

I got sober eventually on my own as they thought I had already done so but relapsed and didnt want them to know how fucked I was.


So again years later after a binge I am going through hell again privately and hopefully it will last as Ive had enough. The drugs are too expensive and arent fun anymore. So theres no point continuing.

I started again as my world was shattered into a million pieces and it was the old way of coping.

But theres other ways of dealing with heartbreak i suppose.
 
Have you watched the video in my profile about loneliness? I feel like you would enjoy it zep, it definitely helps keep my head in check when I am feeling a little heartache :)

I mean, I certainly haven't gone through what you have with your ex, but I definitely know what heartache feels like. I love how the French surrealist poets describe love - as the capital of pain. Makes a lot of sense to me. But I can't help but love through it all regardless.

I don't know. Perhaps it's in my nature. Personally, I believe it is in all our natures, some of us just need a little more help than others bringing it out.

I was so unskillful when I came out about my addiction. I went about it totally the wrong way in retrospect, but at the time I didn't know any better and was desperate for help. It's unfortunate I suffered so much as a result of the kind of "help" I ended up receiving as a result of my speaking up and asking for help, which is a big part of why I am so committed to the work I do with harm reduction. No one deserves to go through the shit I went through after working up the courage to ask for help. No one.
 
Dunno22 said:
For what it's worth, I'm a (non-user) wife of an addict, and honesty is absolutely the most important thing for me. A relapse really isn't so terrible when my husband is just honest about it. Not saying it's the same for everyone. But I don't even feel angry when he relapses if he's honest about it. Of course I don't know you or your wife so it could be different for you. Just hoping to give a little hope and encouragement!
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This is good news to my ears, my wife has expressed similar sentiments
 
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