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Transgender fun?

captaincaveman

captaincaveman

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 30, 2007
Messages
246
Location
london
Hey peeps,

Got a wee bit of a problem. One of my oldest and best friends has the night off from looking afer his kids and wife and has hit me up to go the Way Out Club (google it). I've been before and it's a giggle some of these people you really can't tell. My mate unfortunately is well into it and had a TG girlfriend before he got married. I'm not asking about the morality of having sex with someone who is transgender, who cares? But I'm a friend of his wife (she took her new born baby to see my at the Causeway, now infamous celeb rehab facility) and she's a lovely woman. I love his kids, they call me uncle and a spoil them with presents.

But here's the thing, I know there's a high rate of HIV among the TG community, fuck I've got two friends with it anyway (not needles just careless). One time we were in stunners (again google this place) and we wanted to get out but he was in a booth with a filipino doing whatever. I've done some pretty fucked up shit in my time but I'm a batchelor at the moment. I enjoy going to these places as it's different but I'm not comfortable with him having sex with one in my house (part of the plan). I love the guy to bits and here's the thing, he's seen me at my lowest ebb on drugs and says that this is his addiction I can't judge him. But I do. I'd give everything to have what he had, true his wife is a bitch from time to time but I've talked him out of running away to South America (he's got cash) when things get tough. I know this is a weird one even for here! but I'm meeting him at nine at the place, should I lay down the law (and get hit back with 'when you were out of your head at various squats, who came to pick you up?' he did and I'm eternally grateful but I'm also quite moral deep deep down. I might have mentioned this before that his wife blames me for this shit!

Sorry for rant, quick advice needed though as I'm out of the door soon!
 
No one? Fair enough, I suppose I should stick to 'how to approach girls etc' as this one is messy (but good fun tbh)
 
hmm...seeing where your at, you could give him advice..

but the true spot for a friend would be not to judge him. if thats what hes into..thats it.
its like if i had a friend who was gay, thats his deal. im not gonna try and talk him out of it..not cool

like you mentioned, i also had a drug addiction, and i didnt put up with the judging shit. and now that im clean, knowing myself and whats happened, i could never bring myself to judge someone else. would be extremely hypocritical.

let your friend do his thing, he'll get whats coming one day or another, and you can only sit back going "i told you so"
 
I disagree. The wife is involved, at least indirectly. If the guy gets HIV, he could pass it on to her. Also, the OP has the right to decide what is and isn't off-limits in his own home. Don't let this guy guilt-trip you. Nothing wrong with having sex with transgender people, as long as no one else is in harm's way.
 
I wouldn't pull the "when you were down on your luck who came through for you" card on him since that can get you both distracted from the main point here. You are better off saying things rationally. I know that he compared this to your drug addiction, but for the most part doing drugs only brings down the person using it, and if it's an occasional thing then there isn't much harm considering you practice HR and know the dose, etc...

What he is doing can affect his wife, and it can destroy his family, just with one single sexual encounter. I think you could tell him that you aren't comfortable with the position that it puts you in since you are fond of his family and don't like the idea of having to see them while having to keep this secret in. Knowing what he is doing is one thing, but being an accomplice is another thing, so hopefully he understands.

Keeping with harm reduction though, if he is going to do it no matter what tell him to make sure he uses protection. Also you might want to bring up that he can just as easily catch something from oral sex, so even though condoms aren't used that much for that he should either use one, or skip that altogether.
 
Just got back from the way out club then stunners. I brought a 'normal' mate of mine who was freaking big time. I'll be careful how I describe this place as I know there are youngsters signed up but put it this way there were some unspeakable acts going on in the dark rooms (truly mindblowing). I left him to it, told him to be careful and lay off the base speed but he loves this shit. As for me and my pal, we were in fits of giggles most of the night. It's still going on if anyone fancy's it. Not my cup of tea. I did rescue a TG who had been spiked with e GHB so good deed for the day.

The true underbelly of London, has to be seen to be believed. All I'm waiting for now is an angry phonecall from his missus. ho hum
 
Oh and Tommyboy, the down on the luck card would be pulled by him (last night infact). But he's a good guy with odd urges, I had to stop him going with a TG who wanted £120 for an hour! I think these places are rife with working erm, people.
 
While I am it, just got in sorry, Opium I have many gay friends and to try and talk them out of who they are would be obsene. As for sitting back and saying 'I told you so' if he loses his wife and kids not sure I could be so callous. I tried to tonight, he was following around some thai TG I spoke to her and she said he kept asking if I wanted to come back to his. Not cool at all. But yeah, not much I can do but if if he loses his family he'll destroy himself. I don't kno what to do. He goes to these places anyway and as I've no care in the world about what people get up to I come along if asked. Needs a good kick up the arse but it's his addiction he tells me, if taken steps for my various substance abuse but this is different
 
As someone who is transgender herself, I find it sad that so many transgendered people fall into this trap of partying too hard, too many drugs, and prostitution. I'm really not trying to be judgmental (I like a good night out just like most people here).

It's just, some of us just want to live normal lives and not be looked at as drugged-out "trannies." Sorry, I know this is pretty much a thread-hijack, but it's a sensitive topic for me.
 
No I appreciate it. My friends TG girlfriend was pretty non-scene (very pretty as well) from a strict Middle Eastern background and highly intelligent. Although there does seem to be a large element that go in for drugs and prostitution (I'm no expert, if he wants a buddy to go with I always do but only been a handful of times). There was a couple in the first club who seemed like a normal couple, I was talking to her bloke about football and stuff and she looked amazing (I mean very hard to tell!). Seemed totally normal apart from the biology I suppose. Also meet a straight guy in Stunners who had just left the army as an Officer and loved fetish and anything different. Totally normal but hates normality if you know what I mean.

Interesting scene
 
indelibleface said:
As someone who is transgender herself, I find it sad that so many transgendered people fall into this trap of partying too hard, too many drugs, and prostitution. I'm really not trying to be judgmental (I like a good night out just like most people here).

It's just, some of us just want to live normal lives and not be looked at as drugged-out "trannies." Sorry, I know this is pretty much a thread-hijack, but it's a sensitive topic for me.
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Well said!

Anyway the biggest favour you can do him is to make sure he wears a rubber or his TG friend wears a rubber. Alternatively do HIV tests before sex. Instant HIV tests cost $40 and give you the results in 20 minutes.
 
indelibleface said:
It's just, some of us just want to live normal lives and not be looked at as drugged-out "trannies." Sorry, I know this is pretty much a thread-hijack, but it's a sensitive topic for me.
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Sounds like when "normal," "mainstream" gays say that the "flammers" are making everyone hate gays and giving them a bad name.
 
captaincaveman said:
Oh and Tommyboy, the down on the luck card would be pulled by him (last night infact). But he's a good guy with odd urges, I had to stop him going with a TG who wanted £120 for an hour! I think these places are rife with working erm, people.
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I would ask him about how much he has told his wife, as she is now your friend too, and observe his body language when you ask him choice questions.

Duck out of course, but you need to find out a little bit more too, to be a good friend to both parties.
 
I know exactly how much he has told his wife. Problem is, after confession, he still does it. I'm not going to be crude and say 'bros before hoes' as I like his wife, very intelligent woman. Some of my pals think she knows exactly what's going on and well take him apart in court (he's super wealthy). I'm staying out of this one, he's a good friend due to time but she's a, I don't know, a better person? What would you do, old friend who has been through the bends of addiction (on my part) or his wife, who is truly remarkable (dad a heroin addict and still lets me look after her kids, although I'm clean for a good while). Tricky non?
 
Sounds like when "normal," "mainstream" gays say that the "flammers" are making everyone hate gays and giving them a bad name.
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I don't think this fairly characterizes Indelible's point. Rather, she is critical about how reckless riskiness can become integrated into certain subcultures. This is different from aesthetic annoyance (eg, as with rejection of 'those flamers').

ebola
 
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