Mental Health Too anxious to seek a doctor :/

[Papaverium]

(Wasn't sure if I should have posted in megathread but here it goes....)

So, it's been since about 2010 that I've had an increasing anxiety to be around people, especially ones I don't know, or to even leave the house. I used to love going out and dancing but it just makes me so uncomfortable now, even though it's one of my favourite things ever..
The worse part about this is that I'm too anxious to even go see a doctor about this anxiety. :/ It's like a loop that's been progressing for four years...

I fear that the doctor will judge my appearance and assume I am there to simply obtain narcotics, as the stigma around young adults with coloured hair and all that is.....
On top of that, I have been self-medicating, which leads me to worry that if i DID in fact get prescribed benzos I would not use them as properly suggested..

I suppose what I am asking is.... what do YOU do to help your anxiety without the use of chemicals?
Or what can I ask the doctor once I build the courage to phone and make an appointment? because I know they will just try to give me SSRI's or benzos and that won't go over well....

I've read about valerian root, kava, passionflower, etc... and have tried a few of those herbal remedies but they don't seem to work very well, or at all.

Group therapy is a NO, or councilors, just makes me so uncomfortable lol.
So I guess I came here because it's a lot less stressful to talk over the internet than on the phone or face-to-face...

Any opinions on what I should do??? Thanks.

 

[Shrooms00087]

There was a study done that people just get out of the swing of being extroverted and putting yourself in those situations force you to cope and form habits to better orient yourself in social situations. They most likely will profile you, yes. The Federal Government is "cracking down". They would probably put you on some sort of anti-depressant most likely.

Also if you're abusing benzo's the adverse effect of benzo's IS anxiety. So if you want to know how to do it without chemicals, kick the benzo's (completely) and force yourself to mengle. Otherwise you'll be stuck in a benzo circle "self-medicating" where you [do not] "use as properly suggested".
Best of luck.

 

[Felonious Monk]

What might really help you is talk therapy, with someone who wouldn't be trying to push any pharmaceuticals (they're not licensed to), and would be more likely to recommend herbal remedies, yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, etc.

A licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), is often the easiest (and least expensive) access point for this type of therapy. If you have insurance check with them for a list of providers, or if not check with the local health department for a list of providers who have discounted rates (this can also be found online, since you're like me and don't like making phone calls )

 

[Papaverium]

That's I guess where I feel stuck....

I use opis/benzos to cope with anxiety/get rid of reality, and I'm aware that the ceasing of such things causes counter anxiety, so I'm net even sure where to start. I'm afraid if I do quit, I'm stuck feeling permanently anxious. Like if the anxiety is a chemical imbalance or just drug induced at this point? I dont even know. I feel trapped...

as far as the therapy goes,.. I'm pretty much forced to go see a therapist for my drug problem because my work found out about it, and I really don't wanna lose my job..... So I guess I will see how that goes. Maybe it will help, though a chunk of me isn't ready to stop, and a bigger chunk wants to stop..... at least the therapy is covered through my work benifits...

I'm just really nervous to take the steps you know???
Talking it out is just so difficult so i hermit away and numb the feels.... but if I keep doing that i'll just end up on the streets or dead....

What is a good starting point for a healthy lifestyle??? There is no way I can do this more than one teeeny baby step at a time... (I'm sure you all know that one.)
Good eating habits?
Sleep pattern?
Leaving the house one day at a time??
On top of quitting substances, which will be the hardest part.....

Where to start, where to start.......

 

[flyhighk]

You should definitely stop the drugs. It will make you uncomfortable, but you have to go through that.
Do you sleep well and enough?
Do you eat well?
The first thing to do is stop the drugs. Then get used to sleeping 7-9 hours. Then start eating healthier.
Once you accomplish those 3 things, I'm sure you'll feel good enough to see a doctor.
Wish you the best, I have social anxiety too and I know how terrible it is. You can PM me whenever you want to.

 

[Papaverium]

Yeah I kinda figured that would be the best option... It's just... a hell of a lot harder than I expected haha. I guess that's why I came here...
My sleep pattern is fucked. Some days I sleep fine, others I can't sleep til like 6am then will wake up at like 9am. Other days I just stay up all night... I think it's because I realllly dislike waking up, it's the most uncomfortable part of my day.

As far as eating goes.. I'm ok with that but lately I've been having less of an apatite, and eating more junk food... Less motivation to make healthy stuff..

I have a severe motivation problem but I guess that comes with the drug use......
I believe weed makes me extremely unmotivated but I legitimately need that, I can quit everything else if I try but I'll go crazy and anxiety-filled if I stop weed.... So I'm stuck with no dream recall ( I miss remembering my dreams ) and a laziness that I can't shake off, especially when i have no opis...

I suppose when the time is right.... things will get better...

 

[flyhighk]

I hate waking up as well, but it's much easier to wake up when you get enough sleep. You can take some melatonin to help you get to sleep.
It's dirt cheap and available everywhere.

 

[herbavore]

Papaverium, the thing that helped me quite a bit with anxiety was learning to self talk back to those irrational thoughts (everyone is looking at me, everyone is judging me) with my rational mind (no one is paying more than passing attention to me, same as me in relation to them). It wasn't instant because my negative fearful voices were so damn strong but with time and intention I began to strengthen the counter arguments from my rational brain.

Getting off the drugs you are using will help immensely though it will be more uncomfortable at first. It can help to understand that the initial increase in discomfort is not permanent but rather something that you just have to go through--but you will come out the other side. I would really recommend being honest about your drug use with the counselor and also asking to be taught the principles of both CBT and mindfulness. These are very practical strategies that help with anxiety.

Social anxiety and anxiety in general can be excruciating. It is no wonder that people try to medicate it away. Sadly, like one of the other posters above said, the medications can actually create more anxiety. Small changes in thinking, reinforced daily are your best bet.

 

[Leegrow]

Its seems like you and I are in the same boat Im afraid, Papaverium. Opiates help with my anxiety without so many negative side effects it seems. I take low doses of Suboxone regularly. Its cheap and quite non addictive for me.

 

[anythingbutsober]

forcing yourself to be in social situations where you'll enjoy them (like a book club, bible study, or whatever) will make anxiety a little easier. i am prescribed benzos but find yoga or a long walk to be more relaxing (with less potential for abuse, lol)

 

[Shrooms00087]

I feel stuck....

Then you are.

I use opis/benzos to cope with anxiety/get rid of reality

This sounds like you're depressed. If you're depressed you should know any use of drugs is going to further your depression because you are messing with a chemical balance. When someone says that they take drugs in order to escape reality then it's more likely they mean to escape whatever problems there are troubling them, which constitute any reality.

[A]nd I'm aware that the ceasing of such things causes counter anxiety, so I'm net even sure where to start.

Remember THIS sentence.

I'm afraid if I do quit, I'm stuck feeling permanently anxious. Like if the anxiety is a chemical imbalance or just drug induced at this point? I dont even know. I feel trapped...

You know where to start, it's to stop. The only trap is whatever reasoning(s) you come up with in order to justify NOT stopping the abuse of narcotics which are causing your depression.

as far as the therapy goes,.. I'm pretty much forced to go see a therapist for my drug problem because my work found out about it, and I really don't wanna lose my job..... So I guess I will see how that goes. Maybe it will help, though a chunk of me isn't ready to stop, and a bigger chunk wants to stop..... at least the therapy is covered through my work benifits...

Therapy only works if you're interested in it as an option. Be as open to the process as possible.

I'm just really nervous to take the steps you know???
Talking it out is just so difficult so i hermit away and numb the feels.... but if I keep doing that i'll just end up on the streets or dead....

This should be the first thing you tell the therapist.

What is a good starting point for a healthy lifestyle??? There is no way I can do this more than one teeeny baby step at a time... (I'm sure you all know that one.)
Good eating habits?
Sleep pattern?
Leaving the house one day at a time??
On top of quitting substances, which will be the hardest part.....

Where to start, where to start.......

All of those? Seems you came up with some pretty good ideas already except it's pretty short so you should come up with more.

 

[Leegrow]

To deal with my anxiety, I turned to spirituality. A "meditation" that I've been doing recently is trying to "look inward" to realize my anxieties and why I have these feelings about things. Really turn you're focus inwards

I found that a great therapist can only point you in the right direction, but not do the work for you.

And yes stopping drugs seems like a good idea for you. Just Do It!

 

[herbavore]

To deal with my anxiety, I turned to spirituality. A "meditation" that I've been doing recently is trying to "look inward" to realize my anxieties and why I have these feelings about things. Really turn you're focus inwards

I found that a great therapist can only point you in the right direction, but not do the work for you.

And yes stopping drugs seems like a good idea for you. Just Do It!

I have had the same experience. People often think of spirituality in terms of belief in a deity. I experience it as turning inward to find the connection with all life. Once you become comfortable with yourself you realize your unlimited potential for change.

 

[Shrooms00087]

^ Often the deity is an archetype that the unconscious connects with and is a powerful motivator of the Self. Spirituality is a mindful ego. Joseph Campbell writes on the Hero's Journey saying that in most myths the Hero travels inward (into the unconscious) and returns with "boon". So for instance Christ had to "die" (go inwards, become unconscious) and return after three days to the Waking Self/Holy Spirit. I like this story very much He returns and we worship His Holy Ghost in Spirit and the message is egalitarian at heart.

This is why I always suggest Campbell. As a counter Alan Watts is a good listen. Priest gone Buddhist. Can't go wrong.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Could you work up the courage to go to the library? I'm sure you could find a helpful book on meditation there. You may just opt to go on amazon and get Jon Kabat-Zinn's MBSR or mindfullness-based stress reduction book and accompanying CD. I made it through a whole two semesters of college doing the body scan every day and taking little or no medication, though my disease hurt me pretty bad during that period. I strongly suggest meditation. Drugs help, but they're only part of the picture. Good Luck!