I've been having a difficult time for the past 4, almost 5 years of my life with what I believe is depression. I hit down low last year, considering suicide but I managed to kind of pick myself up a bit. I tried getting help from my parents (I was 18 when I told them, now 19) but they pretty much laughed and said I wasn't depressed. I guess crying for no reason, inability to sleep, always tired and aggravated, and being unable to feel happy was just all in my head to them.
Well, I can say that I'm somewhat better, depression wise. I'm not really suicidal anymore but there are its ups and downs. It's been hard when I've had no support from friends or family (family claims I'm just rude and horrible, and the one friend I told left me because she didn't want to be with a depressed person), but I'm kind of getting better. It just depends on a lot.
Well, besides depression, I also have anxiety attacks sometimes, just out of the blue. Nothing causes them, and they feel like a heart attack... but I haven't had one in a couple of months so that's positive. However, the main thing I'm struggling with is my sleep habits. For the past few years, I struggled waking up every morning, often turning off the alarm without even knowing of it, sleeping through it, or being overly confused in the morning when I do wake up. Over the past year, my sleep pattern has shifted even more. Before, I would often sleep at 2 or 3 a.m and wake at 6:30 a.m. for school, so I never was able to get a good night's rest. I just could not fall asleep, no matter what I tried. Fast forward to now- I'm ONLY able to fall asleep between 4-6 a.m. and wake up around noon. Even when I get over 8 hours of sleep, I still feel tired and drowsy. Even 12 hours of sleep does not make me feel rested... I don't even remember when I woke up from being full rested and not by having over 5 alarms go off. The weirdest thing is, I'm practically an owl... meaning, I'm tired when there's light or if I'm sitting at night with a light on, but I grow completely awake when the lights go off and when I attempt to sleep. I could be on my laptop or just sitting in bed when there was some source of light, but as soon as the lights go off, I'm awake again. After doing some research, I believe I have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, along with anxiety and depression, none of which I'm able to get help for. So I don't know what's happening to me but it's taking its toll. I no longer can stay awake during the day, no longer think clearly, and I have no way of getting myself to a doctor to help me. I want help, I don't care what it takes. Over 4 years of feeling miserable is too much, and I want help but I don't know how or what to do. I can't just take myself to a doctor because I'm on my parent's plan, and they don't believe depression or any of this is "real". A family member of mine has abused the drugs used for these disorders, and so they think it'll ruin my life if I become medicated. Seeing I came close to killing myself, I think that should be the last of their concern.
Anyways, any advice on what is going on with me or what I should do? I'm very lost.
Well, I can say that I'm somewhat better, depression wise. I'm not really suicidal anymore but there are its ups and downs. It's been hard when I've had no support from friends or family (family claims I'm just rude and horrible, and the one friend I told left me because she didn't want to be with a depressed person), but I'm kind of getting better. It just depends on a lot.
Well, besides depression, I also have anxiety attacks sometimes, just out of the blue. Nothing causes them, and they feel like a heart attack... but I haven't had one in a couple of months so that's positive. However, the main thing I'm struggling with is my sleep habits. For the past few years, I struggled waking up every morning, often turning off the alarm without even knowing of it, sleeping through it, or being overly confused in the morning when I do wake up. Over the past year, my sleep pattern has shifted even more. Before, I would often sleep at 2 or 3 a.m and wake at 6:30 a.m. for school, so I never was able to get a good night's rest. I just could not fall asleep, no matter what I tried. Fast forward to now- I'm ONLY able to fall asleep between 4-6 a.m. and wake up around noon. Even when I get over 8 hours of sleep, I still feel tired and drowsy. Even 12 hours of sleep does not make me feel rested... I don't even remember when I woke up from being full rested and not by having over 5 alarms go off. The weirdest thing is, I'm practically an owl... meaning, I'm tired when there's light or if I'm sitting at night with a light on, but I grow completely awake when the lights go off and when I attempt to sleep. I could be on my laptop or just sitting in bed when there was some source of light, but as soon as the lights go off, I'm awake again. After doing some research, I believe I have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, along with anxiety and depression, none of which I'm able to get help for. So I don't know what's happening to me but it's taking its toll. I no longer can stay awake during the day, no longer think clearly, and I have no way of getting myself to a doctor to help me. I want help, I don't care what it takes. Over 4 years of feeling miserable is too much, and I want help but I don't know how or what to do. I can't just take myself to a doctor because I'm on my parent's plan, and they don't believe depression or any of this is "real". A family member of mine has abused the drugs used for these disorders, and so they think it'll ruin my life if I become medicated. Seeing I came close to killing myself, I think that should be the last of their concern.
Anyways, any advice on what is going on with me or what I should do? I'm very lost.