Detox Told Family I Relapsed (Heroin) - No Going Back Now

[endlessnameless]

Well hello to you. I just want to state from the onset of what will be a lengthy thread over the coming weeks that this is it for me. Last Tuesday I told my parents that the doctors appointment I attended on Monday Febrary 6th was to discuss a 'regime' the shes going to put me on and that after this treatment I'll be back to my old self. That was when I was considering going on suboxone, but now I've decided that I just want it all to be over with and so I'm going cold turkey instead.

A Brief History:

In the Autumn of 2015, I relapsed with Heroin after being clean for almost three years. I binged for approximately 3 weeks before finding myself physically addicted once again. From that moment on, I have been trying, and of course failing to quit. This is due to the severity of the symptoms I encounter during cold turkey withdrawal.
I believe that as soon as I am 'over the hump' of psychically withdrawing that I will manage fine, but presently I cannot seem to get by three or four days without having to use. I actually spend more time in withdrawal than not therefore I'm in an almost constant state of suffering.

I was on a Methadone maintenance program for approximately two years from May of 2013 to February of 2015 at which point I felt confident enough to reduce my dose of 70mls per day by 10mls per week until I finally came off and detoxed at home with no medication. It took about three weeks and I felt the best I'd felt in years. I desperately want to be back at this point again and so after my appointment with my doctor on monday I'll be beginning the final cold turkey process.

My parents know I will have a very difficult time ahead of me and I've told them it cold take up to three weeks. Do you think it will take this long? Methadone took about 14 days and by 21 days I was feeling on top of the world. I know heroin will be very harsh but I'm clinging to the hope that it will last only a fraction of the time.

I have three days to prepare. So far all I have is multi-vitamins which I've been taking for four days. If anyone can offer me any advice on how to go about this or what to ask the doctor on Monday PLEASE DO.

In any case, this thread is to serve as a documentation of the process which will begin on Monday (and the only the reason it isn't this second is because I have appointments set up over the weekend that I must attend in order to clear my schedule for the next three weeks so that I can do this.)

I'll write more tomorrow after I tell my employment officer whats really been going on and provide him with contact information for the clinic so that I dont lose my welfare supplement. I'm happy to be doing this. I hate heroin - cried on my way to score last night (which turned out to be a rip-off so I'm sick as I type) but hate the withdrawals even more.

Please help me with your words...I have a couple of days grace until I begin the process on monday, but upon that day I am indeed well and truly in for the long haul.

Peace to you brothers and sisters.

 

[simco]

Regarding your question about how long you're likely to feel the heroin WDs, it's going to depend a lot on how much you've been doing. But in almost any case, I can't imagine that three weeks wouldn't be enough to be feeling way better. Recently several of us on SL have discussed a few lingering symptoms from our own detoxes...insomnia, chills. But I predict that you'll feel much better by the time three weeks go by.

Do keep us posted. We're here to help, even if that just means listening!

 

[Rachella666]

Hey my friend, I see that youre in Ireland? Same here, down in Limerick I didn't even know that suboxone was available in Eire, thought all we had was the 'done. In regards to withdrawals, a brill anti'nausea med is Stemetil which is taken twice a day, Lyrics ia also brill for withdrawals, but only in doses of around 600mg, I'll be following your post lovey, you are so strong to be doing this, our country is ravaged by this terrible drug, how are you feeling, scared, excited? Pm me anytime

 

[endlessnameless]

Hi, Rachella666 - nice to meet you. I've added you to my friends list.

My mind isnt firing on all cylinders right now but I'll try my best to describe how I'm feeling.

Day 2 [22:15]:
Both yesterday and today have been spent inside, mainly in or on my bed. I did shower yesterday, and I will say that showering does help massively. I didnt have the energy to shower today. I make sure I eat breakfast and at least one other meal a day, take my vitimans and stay hydrated. I get paid tomorrow and have said I'd hand up my money to my father. I'll do the same next week.

Taking ibuprofen for the head, neck, back and leg pain. Is it true that nothing will help the chills and sweats?

I'm supposed to see the head of the recovery clinic tomorrow for a one on one, and how on earth I will manage to get there in this state I do not know. Best see how the head is come morning, get my money, try for some valium, and contemplete my next move.

As for how much I'd be using, it never got to over .8 a week in the last 18 months. In the last 4-5 months I've cut that down to between .2-.4. per week.

I want my soul back again, and I know that a certain death must occur for that fiery rebirth. Thank you for reading.

 

[cj]

You need some comfort meds. Clonidine, lyrica, valium will ab acceptable.

 

[simco]

In addition to the meds cj mentioned, I also recommend loperamide (brand name Immodium) for stomach upset. No need to go overboard on it; just take as directed.

As for the chills, I'm with you on the showers...those are my mainstays during WDs for temperature regulation. Recently another BLer (I think it was @VastEmpty) recommended that I try an electric blanket. I bought one and I'm so in love with it. Obviously it won't help with sweats. But if you're dealing with chills...amazing!

 

[the last dose]

I'll second or make it third the electric blanket! i slept with that thing for a month. Its put away in closet for now hopefully forever you know what im sayin. CJ also nailed my big three lyrica, clonidine, and benzos one extra worked for me too was weed brownies.
good luck endless!

 

[endlessnameless]

Its so good to see some comments on this thread, thanks folks.

Day 4 - 18:44 now.
I have no way of getting Lyrica or Clonidine unless I schedule another appointment with the doctor (and even at that, he could say no - then I'd be down €70) but what I do have is a script for Valium so I'll fill that tomorrow afternoon. Those will ease me through the next 3-5 days. I was prescribed Lyrica in 2014 when I was coming off methadone which I never knew could help until I threw them all out just before I stopped after weening down to 5mls. In what way would Clonidine help me?

Last night I managed an hour or two of sleep and to combat the chills I wrapped myself in old, loose comfortable clothing in bed. I woke up with the sweats but a shower handled that. I'll do the same tonight and tomorrow.

Getting out yesterday and today helped a lot too, even if I was in severe pain. I went into the city center with my father yesterday which gave us a good chance to talk about the issue. That saved me a lot of mental turmoil.
Today I went out with my mother, as twice a week we visit my grandmother in the nursing home but on Tuesdays we take her out and I'm needed to help with getting the wheelchair in and out of the car and wheeling her around wherever it is we go. In fact, for the last month or so the only occasions I was using was when I had to go out on these two occasions, so considering this, my use really hasn't been much at all lately.

I hope this means that this could be over by the time the week is out. Having the Valium there tomorrow and for the rest of the week should ease up my mood too and enable me to be more patient until the week is out.

 

[endlessnameless]

Update @23:05:

Extreme anxiety. I've retreated to my room. Incredible physical tightness all over my body. Headache - for which I've taken Ibuprofen.
Any fluids that I drink seem to be passing extremely quickly, which reminds me - each morning I awake with a full and ready to burst bladder. It was only this evening (23:20) that the urine turned clear. A good sign I hope.
Sweats come and go.
A feeling of hopelessness pervades.
Sleep may not come easy tonight, I feel.

 

[Mike93]

With the methadone, I believe the withdrawal is longer and more drawn out but not as severe. (Don't quote me as I've never taken it, just what I've read) and cold turkey off of straight heroin (What I did) is acute pain and AGONY, but it doesn't last as long. For me, it was 3-4 days of HELL and then the last 3 days were finally bearable and each day after that is a major improvement! If you have any questions just ask me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!

 

[Jabberwocky]

What specific opioid are you trying to kick: buprenorphine (suboxone/subutex), methadone, heroin, etc?

The diazepam will help you big time regardless. Clonidine is used to alleviate RLS and hot/cold flashes. Gabapentin and clonidine are like the very very basic get down when it comes to kicking. Throw diazepam into the mix and you've got a very effective pharmacological detoxification. But just diazepam is better than nothing at all for sure.

 

[the last dose]

The clonidine will also help with blood pressure this is mainly what its prescribed for but like TPD said it works good for wd syptoms too. The only benzo i had was short acting xanax during wds, valium is even better it will give you more sleep. If you have any history of high blood pressure you should monitor bp as it rises in wds. good luck

 

[Jabberwocky]

TLD I though of you when I responded to that post (omitting the BP bit ). I'm glad you chimed in

 

[cj]

It sounds like you over did it with your grandma and mother. Your body is in a fragile statell and I doubt your eating right. Keep the fluids up and chow down on the valium like it's going out of style. Valium is going to be your savior.

 

[endlessnameless]

Infinite thanks to you all for you help and encouragement. By the way its heroin I'm detoxing from. I was offered a referral to a doctor who would likely prescribe me subs but to fuck with that -- I've been through the Methadone withdrawal before (small doses of speed helped significantly) but I just want done with the opiates/opioids.

Day 5 @19:55:
Put 90mgs of Diazepam down the hatch - its helped marginally with the extremely anxiety but I thought it would have helped much more. Perhaps it was because I'm still coming out accute withdrawal.
I can feel an improvement though.
Took 400mgs of ibuprofen for the back pain. Things are gradually getting bearable, and I've certainly had much worse withdrawals than this.
I had a shower and that helped a little with the chills but a few minutes after I had the chills again so I'm going to wrap up.

I dont want to take any more Valium in case I'm just wasting it. I'll take a few tomorrow and if its still not helping I'll keep it for when the anxiety comes back.
Anyone any idea why its not working to its full capacity? I mean 90mgs...come on. Fuck sake. Tea usually brings it up, as well as cigarettes...its helping me concentrate and making me marginally more sociable around the house though.
Listening to music again, its helping the endorphin production.

Back seems to be acting up again, going to take more ibuprofen.

 

[BeatTheSickness]

id chill on the ibuprofen stuff man i just kicked a couple weeks ago and those types will make you feel restless, believe, me your body will start feeling better and you will need not to worry about the anxiety shit - if you really wanna be able to put it down it may seem like a long time at first but once its over it aint shit and you will start feeling like your old self.

however, it took me many times to successfully kick, and i now realize that any hidden interest in getting back on your feet and attempting to perpetuate this habit again is just a result of not dealing with the reasons of why you can't put it down in the first place. Think about it: you've probably done a lot of different kinds of drugs, yes? WHY is it that you can't put it down right now? It may be a moving target, but I think I knew what my own superficial irrelevant circumstances were the whole time. Finally dealt with it. OMG..don't give a shit about all that anymore. You want to start doing things again man. Trust me. Its fucken great. You see unfortunately one of the most common symptoms of traumatic experiences in life (especially when PTSD is involved) is substance abuse. But I don't like that shit when people say "you're going to be a fucking recovering addict for the rest of your life!!!" .. Okay, so I asked them, "you said you had an eating disorder, are you a recovering anorexic for the rest of your-....fuh!" Listen man, you seem like a smart mf so I'm going to tell it to you straight up - it's not a pity party this comes down to your choice. and what you're doing in life. bro, you need to replace the habit with at least a much simpler habit. I just smoke a lot of weed now, drink a lil bit after work n shit and sometimes do some other things but if theres anything i learned its that when its just H that youre doing and you arent doing anything else really to satisfy your vice then it's a mathematical certainty that you will FUCK yourself up so please, get a bag of weed.

 

[Jabberwocky]

That's a lot of diazepam to be taking endless. I assume you either are a heavier person or have some tolerance to gabaergic substances like benzos and alcohol? Try taking a hot bath to help your back. Or a hot shower even. A hot bath/shower will also help RLS a lot.

BeatTheSickness, please use paragraphs and whatnot to make your posts easier to read. Thank you.