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Today decided I am going to stop this relapse in its tracks.

CfZrx

CfZrx

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
2,598
Location
Crawling toward the light
The last week I have begun to relapse after my neck pain flared up (inflamed trapezius, loss of strength in left hand) and I worried I could not make it thru my work shifts without some extra pain management.

Quickly I found myself taking these extra meds all day in less than polite routes. Having followed this shit down the rabbit hole to full addiction a handful of times, I know that if I stop now I will save myself from so much more misery and money-loss later. I am just reaching out for support to the Dark Side because imho it is the best place to be honest. Holler if you have words of encouragement or are going thru the same thing ATM. :) CfZrx
 
I'm hollering! I'm here and I'm bedridden so I'll probably have even more time for BL. Vent all you need but be sure to introduce encouragement into your language when you are talking to yourself.<3
 
Good for you! I wish you only the best! As a chronic pain sufferer, I know how hard it is, and how quickly things can spiral out of control. Be proud of yourself for taking a stand! My best advice is to do whatever you can to keep your pain level low, to avoid having that as a reason for going back to the pills. Take hot epsom salt baths, stretch, use physical therapy, don't over exert yourself, rest, and take over the counter (ibuprofen, Tylenol, Bengay, curcumin, the use of heating pads or ice packs, Tylenol pm for sleep) remedies as often as you need to. You can do this! I wish I could- but I'll get there someday!
 
Deemgd said:
Good for you! I wish you only the best! As a chronic pain sufferer, I know how hard it is, and how quickly things can spiral out of control. Be proud of yourself for taking a stand! My best advice is to do whatever you can to keep your pain level low, to avoid having that as a reason for going back to the pills. Take hot epsom salt baths, stretch, use physical therapy, don't over exert yourself, rest, and take over the counter (ibuprofen, Tylenol, Bengay, curcumin, the use of heating pads or ice packs, Tylenol pm for sleep) remedies as often as you need to. You can do this! I wish I could- but I'll get there someday!
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Thank you Deemgd :) Yes, I must just relax at home as much as possible. Honestly I gave in today after doing laundry. I think I lost my focus somewhere in between my gf getting pissed at me for not shutting the trunk soft enough and the smell of the elderly Hmong woman's breath. Ok, going to stretch now and try to be easy on myself. I will continue this battle until I am back on the path of light. p.s. why do u say u wish u could? why not try? just curious :)
 
All you can do is try. If it doesn't work out then try again.

Its funny how relapses work. As you say, its not always a major calamity that triggers it but a brief loss of focus when slightly emotional can do it easily. I've also found myself relapsing when things are going well. Something totally awesome can happen and I just wanna get high to celebrate or something. :\ Hence, I opted for bupe maintenance to avoid this instability. I haven't had any opiate cravings in months.

Does weed help with your pain or could you try the marginally less addictive gabapentinoids such as pregabalin?
 
swilow said:
All you can do is try. If it doesn't work out then try again.

Its funny how relapses work. As you say, its not always a major calamity that triggers it but a brief loss of focus when slightly emotional can do it easily. I've also found myself relapsing when things are going well. Something totally awesome can happen and I just wanna get high to celebrate or something. :\ Hence, I opted for bupe maintenance to avoid this instability. I haven't had any opiate cravings in months.

Does weed help with your pain or could you try the marginally less addictive gabapentinoids such as pregabalin?
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Hi swilow! I'll tell you 2morrow , gotta sleep real quick :) ok, b4 i sleep...I'm on methadone and it works soooo well. I was just overwhelmed with new pain last week, but it is going away :)
 
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Chronic pain sufferer here, how I got addicted in the first place. Be strong mate, just turning in here to write about it is nicely done by you! The pain will pass :-)
 
swilow said:
Does weed help with your pain or could you try the marginally less addictive gabapentinoids such as pregabalin?
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So as I was saying I take 15mg daily/methadone, and yes it has been like magic for my pain (except the time my doc forgot to leave my script at the med room of clinic on a Friday, that weekend became hell of course).
My relationship with weed grew pretty intense once I started on methadone. I found that for the first time in my life it didn't make me nervous anymore. It certainly keeps my addictive thinking locked on it instead of further opiates when I am in pain, and for that I'll give it 5/5. Lately I want to enjoy more parts of my day minus cannabis. I often am thc free in the mornings, but tend towards medicating often as the afternoon passes.

Exercise is the key for me. When I am in pain, I go out for some hill-jogging and the endorphins pump me up! ;)

Still sober today! Yesterday's relapse just felt depressing, none of the magic I used to feel. I suppose this is somewhat the reason methadone works well for opiate addicts? On the other hand, it seems to make chipping a little too painless. But not painless enough. Looking back into the abyss of morphine addiction I am not enticed. Thanks for the support fellow BLers!
 
CfZrx said:
Still sober today! Yesterday's relapse just felt depressing, none of the magic I used to feel. I suppose this is somewhat the reason methadone works well for opiate addicts? On the other hand, it seems to make chipping a little too painless. But not painless enough. Looking back into the abyss of morphine addiction I am not enticed. Thanks for the support fellow BLers!
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Glad you had a good day :)
 
CfZrx, does methadone do anything for other cravings than opiates?

I have stopped using opiates nearly three weeks ago and I don?t crave them at all but I do crave everything else such as MDMA, amphetamine, LSD and such.

Does it anything for those kind of cravings?

I know a person whose DOC was amphetamine and she has been on a small dose of methadone for five years and haven?t been using anything since then.
 
CfZrx said:
Thanks swilow! It was an odd night of prancing about a piss smelling nursing home in my fitful dreams :)
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LOL--that is a great image in my mind!

@Mr Root: I think the cravings for those other drugs you mentioned are cravings for a different kind of altered consciousness.One way to address that is to get more adventure into your life if you can.
 
CfZrx said:
The last week I have begun to relapse after my neck pain flared up (inflamed trapezius, loss of strength in left hand) and I worried I could not make it thru my work shifts without some extra pain management.

Quickly I found myself taking these extra meds all day in less than polite routes. Having followed this shit down the rabbit hole to full addiction a handful of times, I know that if I stop now I will save myself from so much more misery and money-loss later. I am just reaching out for support to the Dark Side because imho it is the best place to be honest. Holler if you have words of encouragement or are going thru the same thing ATM. :) CfZrx
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I'm truly sorry for your suffering and I understand the worries about not making it through your responsibilities. So far a very typical scenario for the ones prone to addiction, what is unusual however is realizing how much misery and financial losses one can avoid by stopping swiftly. You have my respect, clearly you have had to fight this battle for a long time. I wish you the best of luck.
 
MrRoot said:
CfZrx, does methadone do anything for other cravings than opiates?
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I think studies of methadone clinic patients show that many love mixing benzos and cocaine with their dose. I have found that it encouraged me to use cannabis a lot more because the combo is very good. It could probably help some people's focus change away from stimulants :)
 
herbavore said:
LOL--that is a great image in my mind!
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lol

FnX said:
I'm truly sorry for your suffering and I understand the worries about not making it through your responsibilities. So far a very typical scenario for the ones prone to addiction, what is unusual however is realizing how much misery and financial losses one can avoid by stopping swiftly. You have my respect, clearly you have had to fight this battle for a long time. I wish you the best of luck.
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Thank you! Your post motivates me to keep going because it was empowering to consider myself "unusual" in a good way :)
 
Update: Have had a hard time last night and took a pill orally. This is going to be a challenge as usual. Wish I could use MJ at work, that would make this whole thing a million times easier. But I can't, so I must keep trying. Anyone else in the same type of situation? Got to keep trying, and that's hard when I have a long history of self sabotage. I can do this. Must remember that the addictive mind speaks to me in my own voice and is tricky in that way!
 
JahSEEuS said:
I've been through this. We can make it out. Best wishes CfZrx!
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Thanks JahSEEus :) I am remembering that one should make use of days off work to pull this off proper. Today went for a light run, and then grabbed some Starbucks...was trying to find some energy that the poppy stole from me. Used again. Struggled with myself for awhile wanting to dose big, but talked myself into staying low. Tomorrow I'm off. Will keep it very green. Last time i dealt with this shit was late 2014. JahSeeuS, where are you in regards to your addiction if I may ask?
 
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