To die alone…

[SpiralusSancti]

I was with this girl that same as me doesn’t have healthy/normal amounts of fear. But she has one fear, that she’ll die alone. Not fear of loneliness, no fear of not being accepted by anyone, no fear of what/if’s anything after we die but simply fear of being alone in the moment of death instead having someone to hold her hand. I think that’s part of force leading her into real relationships and maybe even wanting them at all.

As much as this is unusual (guess so), I wouldn’t be surprised if more people want relationship for some variation on this theme. I think it’s same reason why people “move on” at increasingly speeding rates. When my grandpa died I think my granny wouldn’t “move on” even if it was for the richest man in Babylon with the heart of gold..but she had family and that’s getting increasingly rare. People move and isolate in ways previously unimaginable and BEING ALONE today has vastly different sound to it than being alone in the past. As someone wrote in a thread about longest time without sex, not that long in the past it wasn’t at all unusual to be without partner for years after breaking up marriage or loosing long term partner otherwise.

Company is a thing found in all kinds of psychology pyramids and I think many people might subconsciously searching partners at increasing speeds cuz most of the world is lonelier than ever. Children don’t care for their parents or grandparents like they used to. Neighbours don’t care for their neighbours like they used to. Countries don’t care for their old people like they used to. And the list goes and goes so I have filling that’s really part of driving force to either stale down with one person as fast as possible or to fuck around with as much people and hope some of them will answer your call in the moment when your sunset approach.

In no way think it’s only or most important driving force in searching partner but given how important death is to people might as well admit writing 150µ I.M. at deathbed and being answered by someone you love and known surely is better than line flatting out surrounded by people taking care of you cuz it’s their job. I also think some people chose euthanasia cuz they don’t have loved ones and accept what would be considered crumbles of love and respect from their country.

Well gota stop writing at some point so..

 

[yubacity]

You have hit on a few things that used to be the same in Punjabi families. Punjabis of my mom's generation would not remarry if they had kids, especially a boy because boy's duty was to look after their parents in old age. My mom's aunt was widowed in her early 30s she never remarried she would say my son will look after me when I'm older and he did the same with my mom she always tells people why would i need another man I have three sons they men I don't need another one. But we are the last generation to do that in the west and I would not want to have that for my kids. But for people who are on their own no kids dying alone must be a scary thing like you said you want people love you when the end comes not because it their job .

I don't fear death but i fear my wife going before me i can't imagine being without her

 

[fastandbulbous]

It is horrendous (my wife died while I was giving her CPR), but don't dwell on that, or you'll turn into a morbid git. Not something I ever even though might happen, but I've had to deal with it, over the past year.
Live in the moment. Deal with things if they happen, but try to keep a young attitude...

 

[ninjapirateroberts]

TBH, my biggest fear of dying alone is the concern of who disposes my body. I mean, if I die in the woods, sure I'd be a lunch to some wild animals but if I die in a house alone, who'd dispose me off; after a foul smell of months old dead body that someone decides to call the cops and they break in, find my partially decomposed dead body and decides to dispose me off? I think about that sometimes.

 

[fastandbulbous]

TBH, my biggest fear of dying alone is the concern of who disposes my body. I mean, if I die in the woods, sure I'd be a lunch to some wild animals but if I die in a house alone, who'd dispose me off; after a foul smell of months old dead body that someone decides to call the cops and they break in, find my partially decomposed dead body and decides to dispose me off? I think about that sometimes.

Have a PIR sensor, that unless triggered once a day (eg in front of toilet), sets off some external alarms, indicting someone should investigate.
Also acts as an alarm for falls etc

Finally, if you have cats no matter how much they love you, after a while, they will eat you (but use above primary indicators)

 

[fastandbulbous]

Truth told though, we all die alone...

 

[ninjapirateroberts]

Have a PIR sensor, that unless triggered once a day (eg in front of toilet), sets off some external alarms, indicting someone should investigate.
Also acts as an alarm for falls etc

Finally, if you have cats no matter how much they love you, after a while, they will eat you (but use above primary indicators)

Yeah, that's a good idea . I have a few friends who have "canary" messages posted publically on their websites. They regularly update the canary message periodically (like every two weeks or once a month) on their website to tell that they're "free" and that they're "alive". It is PGP signed so I can confirm that he's in control of the website and that he's the one who actually wrote that message. For example, a message like this (latest BTC block serves as a way to timestamp the message):

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA256

I, ninjapiraterobers am free and alive as of Saturday, March 4th, 2023. Next canary is due Saturday, March 11th, 2023.

Latest bitcoin block: 00000000000000000006262d5211016cea5ce9fc9f96fb1262defa815a3227b9
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
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=Knps
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----

 

[foodcrisis]

i'm guessing i will have no problem dying alone... one of my fears though is getting too old and sore to take the bus and carry my own groceries anymore... i'm afraid of ending up in a nursing home and feeling depressed with out any recreational drugs. plus one of the things i'm worried about is being in the care of others, when i see young girls or even girls my age, i get depressed because i like them and feel like i have no businesss with them. i feel like i'll be in a nursing home with young staff that have their own lifes and children and i'll feel left out like i never had kids or a wife. it doesn't bother me now, like the world is too fucked up for me to want to deal with kids, and i've written on this site why i don't have a sexual partner... i get the feeling like nursing home workers acting like they care for me and are my friend, it might make me depressed.

incidentally, i would rather be depressed from female nursing home workers than in the care of men... thinking about it, i might even like nursing homes if they let me have weed. lol

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

i am afraid i will be alone when i pass however imma go on my own terms.
this thread is a little difficult for me but there are none when these leave and there will be no more.
may we all rest in peace.
one

 

[Jabberwocky]

I used to be afraid to die alone. Weird obsession with it. Loneliness is a common theme in my life. I so deeply want to connect and feel close and understood and valued. Not necessarily only a romantic relationship tho, deep friendships too. My main issue seems to be the inability to read what’s happening in relationships or the constant let down that someone means more to me than I mean to them. How does this happen when I’m so fkn careful and observant? Who knows but the loneliness is just less scary now and more of a way of life. Now I’m more worried I’ll die unhappy. That is the main goal now just happiness and peacefulness.

 

[xtcgrrrl]

I used to be afraid to die alone. Weird obsession with it. Loneliness is a common theme in my life. I so deeply want to connect and feel close and understood and valued. Not necessarily only a romantic relationship tho, deep friendships too. My main issue seems to be the inability to read what’s happening in relationships or the constant let down that someone means more to me than I mean to them. How does this happen when I’m so fkn careful and observant? Who knows but the loneliness is just less scary now and more of a way of life. Now I’m more worried I’ll die unhappy. That is the main goal now just happiness and peacefulness.

I am just scared to die, period, honestly. That fear is what began my whole downward spiral into addiction. Xanax was the thing I abused so that I wouldn’t be scared, then after I got clean from that (which was a fucken nightmare I tell ya) my addiction transferred to anything that would make me not think or feel. But to be honest, I’ve been numbing myself in various ways since I was very very little. When I was 8, I would recite “don’t-think-don’t-feel-don’t-think-don’t-feel” over and over rapidly under my breath, to take away the bad feelings (I was heavily bullied, of course, because I’m disabled.) It semi-worked. Really think that children ought to be given the tools to cope with their emotions in a healthy way early on…anyway, I am still afraid of dying. But less so. Chronic pain will do that to ya

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Can relate. It's my greatest fear.

 

[jasperkent]

I do not fear death at all.
I do fear HOW I die.
I don't want to suffer, to linger in pain.
Also, I have this beautiful pitbull by my side whom I rescued....and she has stuck with me thru all kinds of trauma, never judging me, always loving me. I feel that I don't have the right to abandon her. But she's getting old. When she dies, I'm outa here.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

man just the title of this is depressing... but a reality none the less.

does it have to be?

 

[The Shadow Self]

Death Anxiety

People repress the full realization of death and dying and develop various defenses to keep the suppressed material at bay.

www.psychologytoday.com

Kind of self-explanatory, but there are certainly theorists who have postulated that all anxiety, to one degree or another, is related to death anxiety. When you think of the fact that anxiety itself is a survival mechanism, literally, it makes sense that this is true, likely as a largely unconscious process. Kind of like a shadow process. And of course we live in a trigger rich environment as it pertains to anxiety provocation, although in the modern world, these are largely false alarms/alerts as generally speaking, your brain is working the same way it did thousands of years ago, only the "survival threats" are few and far between. This is one of many reasons we have an epidemic of anxiety "disorders" in the modern world, if you will. Just some food for thought...

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Do you happen to live in area code 15022?
Just asking cause this reminds me of an ol' boy and his older pit taking walks in the area.
Do ya think there will be anther binding factor that will enter life that will sustain "moderation" after the loss? Just got me thinking....

 

[xtcgrrrl]

Death Anxiety

People repress the full realization of death and dying and develop various defenses to keep the suppressed material at bay.

www.psychologytoday.com

Kind of self-explanatory, but there are certainly theorists who have postulated that all anxiety, to one degree or another, is related to death anxiety. When you think of the fact that anxiety itself is a survival mechanism, literally, it makes sense that this is true, likely as a largely unconscious process. Kind of like a shadow process. And of course we live in a trigger rich environment as it pertains to anxiety provocation, although in the modern world, these are largely false alarms/alerts as generally speaking, your brain is working the same way it did thousands of years ago, only the "survival threats" are few and far between. This is one of many reasons we have an epidemic of anxiety "disorders" in the modern world, if you will. Just some food for thought...

This is very intriguing! Thank you for the link, and the brain food