Tired of Struggling

[Free Radical]

I feel like it's a constant struggle to get my schoolwork done, and I'm tired of having to buy drugs to function. I really want psychiatry to help me, but the pace of its treatments seems glacial. I've been through a ton of different medications and have been classified as treatment-resistant. Right now I'm on 1mg Risperdal, which has helped me a little bit and made me gain a bunch of weight; I'm also on 75mg Zoloft, which has helped to a greater degree, but not to the point where I can, for instance, write a paper. I'm also prescribed Adderall, which I save up and supplement with Dexedrine when I've got work to do. My usual dose of amphetamine is now around 100mg. I use Subutex regularly as well, for the same purpose, at a dose around 32mg. I'm so tired of this shit and I'm seriously debating whether or not I should tell my doctor about how I've been coping. He and my folks are under the impression that I'm doing a lot better now, as I got all A's last semester.

I wonder if I should just continue coping this way so I'm able to get a degree and be successful, or should I risk losing access to the chemicals that have helped me to succeed thus far, and potentially end up being unproductive for the foreseeable future?

 

[mainstreet50]

Honestly, I think you need to get off the sub first of all. I'm currently tapering on my sub now and am down to .5mg and lready feel a lot better. That being said I'm also on 40mg of Paxil and I believe this go around trying to get off the sub will hopefully be easier. I swear that shit sub puts you in a fog but it does help. my .02$

 

[Cane2theLeft]

Chemicals haven't helped you succeed, you've succeeded despite issues that they covered up. Its fallacious to believe you can only succeed with them and if you believe that, you'll only fail without them because you wrongly believe that's an inevitability (AKA self-fulfilling prophesy).

If you ever want to get adequate medical treatment, its imperative that you are open and honest with medical professionals. They want to help you but they can't if you only tell them part of the story.

There are reasons why you feel you need these drugs to be productive and you have to address those core issues. Productivity sans chemicals is not impossible for you, it might take a little work but I guarantee that in the long run, its more than worth it.

 

[Mafioso]

i dont have much experience with perscription drugs, but from what i've seen my friends go thru i'd say stay off them. they are drugs, whether prescription or not, they are still drugs. taking drugs on a daily basis just to preform routine functions(like homework, cleaning, or even just getting out of bed) is never a good thing from what i've seen.

What goes up must come down. I'm not a doctor but i'd suggest slowly weening yourself off of all drugs.. if you want to stop having to take drugs just to function, your going to have to first stop taking drugs. I think you should try talking to your parents and doctor about your conditions/thoughts.

 

[Free Radical]

Chemicals haven't helped you succeed, you've succeeded despite issues that they covered up. Its fallacious to believe you can only succeed with them and if you believe that, you'll only fail without them because you wrongly believe that's an inevitability (AKA self-fulfilling prophesy).

If you ever want to get adequate medical treatment, its imperative that you are open and honest with medical professionals. They want to help you but they can't if you only tell them part of the story.

There are reasons why you feel you need these drugs to be productive and you have to address those core issues. Productivity sans chemicals is not impossible for you, it might take a little work but I guarantee that in the long run, its more than worth it.

During my last period of relative abstinence from non-prescribed drugs, I couldn't get myself to do much of anything...it's like I couldn't imagine that activities could possibly be pleasurable, let alone getting myself to do any work. This period lasted many months, btw, and honestly I'm frightened of going back to doing nothing. At the same time, I know I'm probably damaging myself...

Stopping feels like I'd be giving up much of my well-being and motivation, for an indeterminate but probably lengthy period of time. I'm also hoping that my doctor will raise my Zoloft dose enough so that I'll feel better and be able to stop using all the other shit. The reason I think Zoloft might work is that I've been better before on another SSRI, Paxil, but that med caused some hypomania and I did some really embarrassing stuff in public while on it. I think a major reason why I'm using again is because I see time passing and myself getting older while the various doctors I've visited slowly titrate different medications, leaving me basically paralyzed while I wait for the medicine to work.

 

[Cane2theLeft]

^You keep expecting this motivation and enjoyment to come from external sources, so sure if you believe that can be the only source then it will be.

You need to address WHY you don't have motivation and WHY you don't have pleasure without the drugs, you can't just expect things to magically be different. If you don't address these issues, of course nothing will change.

You can search your whole life for a magic pill that makes you better, but it doesn't exist. The only way things will improve is if you work with a qualified professional to figure out where these issues come from and find a sustainable way to address them.

 

[Craftypisces]

I know exactly what you mean. I stopped taking my pain meds at the end of March and I have a hard time feeling the creative urge. I'm an artist and I felt like I could only be creative while under the influence of the drugs. The secret is to just do it. I don't feel like being creative and making a damn thing, but I just do it because I know one day it will come back to me. There is always going to be a reason for you to stay on the meds if you try to rationalize quitting vs continuing in your mind. What Cane said is so true about a "self fulfilling prophecy." It happens to people all the time. You think you can't so you don't give something a genuine chance to work. I think you can do it. I'm right there with you struggling. Art is my life and I know the creativity is in me. I need to sell something so I can make money, but I have to want it bad enough to do it without the medicine. Just the same as you need to want it. You have to dig deep and find that will to keep going.
This sounds stupid b/c I had to go back on the medicine, but I will share it with you anyway.
Two years ago I got off of all pain meds b/c I got very tired of the chase for more. I'd buy some and then have anxiety about where I would get more. I was always on edge. When I was finally done withdrawing I felt free. I didn't have to waste time, money, or effort on getting medicine. It was a new lease on life.
Try to look at it that way. ((hugs)) I know it's hard, I've been there. Good luck.

 

[Cane2theLeft]

^excellent advice. A lot of times when people share their experiences it seems like they are sort of making it about them but you really used your experience to relate and (hopefully) offer the OP another perspective.

Sneaky Fish, you are officially my favorite greenlighter!

 

[unsettled]

I hear ya, it's tough to stop relying on pills especially when they are prescribed. For example I've had Asthma and Allergies my whole life, so for as long as I can remember I've been taking prescribed medication daily. The Asthma led to Anxiety which led to a whole other world of pills that I got prescribed and need to function.

It's a bitch, I've finally got off Xanax but still need my daily Klonopin, I got off nightly Ambien but I can't sleep very well without it. I was on Wellbutrin but I got off that too. My whole life I've NEEDED pills to function and it all started with Asthma which isn't something I can just stop taking due to the seriousness of asthma attacks.

It's tough, for the time being I'm trying to only use my asthma meds, coffee, and Klonopin and small doses of pods. This may sound like a lot but I used to drink and smoke weed daily on top of all this other crap. I guess you just gotta go slow, one day at a time, and make sure that you are as fully engaged in you life as possible. If you're really into what you do every day it's easier to be motivated naturally.