M3thadone Madn3ss
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2009
- Messages
- 6
First let me begin by explaining my situation...
When I was 19 years old, I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, an aggressive bone cancer that goes for the lungs upon metastasis and is nearly impossible to kill once it's there. I carried a tumor in my hip for over 9 months, until it was the size of a softball. I beat the cancer, despite the 4% success probability, but gave my leg and the left half of my hip and pelvis as payment. My treatment ended mid-July of 2008. Throughout the process, I took nearly every form of pain med offered by the medical world. Hydrocodone’s, Oxycodone’s IR and ER, Morphine both liquid and solid, Ultram (supplemented with Lyrica at times and Neurontin at others), Methadone, and the mother of all: Dilaudid IV and Oral. This is not an attempt to brag, I just want to get across that I am speaking from self-experience, not basing this on things I have read or heard from others. I have also partaken in recreational drug use, including opium (smoking), coke (although I only tried it once out of curiosity and never had a habit), marijuana (smoked and ingested), Cilicybin mushrooms, and a handful of RX’s that everyone know and love.
I was never addicted to any of these drugs. The pain meds I was taking to relieve a horrible situation. Phantom pain would cause my missing leg to feel like it was trapped in a large garbage disposal, and taking meds for intense pain lowers the probability of forming an addiction based habit. You’re just in too much pain to enjoy the drug enough to get hooked. I took methadone for nearly two years after my surgery, and April of 2010 I decided I didn’t want to take it anymore. I flushed the rest of the pills I had from the previous script, and haven’t touched it since. As far as the recreational use, I never became addicted based solely on will power.
Now, on to the reason for this thread. While I was receiving chemo, I had bouts of nausea. The protocol in the hospital was to hook up a “cocktail”, which was a mixture of Benadryl, Ativan, and Reglan. By the third week of my 10 months in the hospital off and on, I was completely hooked. The feeling that came over me as soon as that Benadryl hit my system was the best feeling in the world. It felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket, still at a young enough age that there was no such thing as problems, and experiencing a prolonged orgasm type rush (Don’t go crazy on this parallel, I just can’t figure out any other way to explain it). I know that this feeling was caused by the diphenhydramine and not the Ativan because I started to request cocktails with no Reglan or Ativan after the first two months, and it felt the same. After being released from the hospital for good and losing access to IV Benadryl, I immediately began taking it in pill form. The feeling wasn’t as intense, but it lasted much longer. Within a couple of months I was taking between 20 and 30 pills of DPH every night (500-750mg). My excuse to myself was that it helped me fall asleep, but I was enjoying the buzz much much more than the effect of passing out and sleeping for 18 hours. I would fight to stay awake for hours just so I could enjoy it as long as possible.
I ran into several of the commonly known side effects of DPH overdose. I would have an extremely dry mouth and throat, making swallowing difficult. I would lose the ability to judge the volume of my voice, and would almost always mutter quietly or whisper when talking to someone. I had periods where I felt I couldn’t move my body. Most intense side effect was that I lost the ability to distinguish reality from my thoughts. I would be talking to someone and completely jump tracks to a different sentence, in mid-sentence. “Yea I was just wondering if we were still gonna hang out tomorrow, because the groceries are all in the fridge.” I would realize I was doing this when the people I was talking to would become extremely confused and suspicious. Sometimes I would be sitting somewhere completely spaced out, and would just start talking to someone who wasn’t there, completely mid-sentence as well. I once dropped the TV remote, sending the batteries flying out, then proceeded to put some of my Ultram into the battery slot and hand it to my Fiancé.
There have been a few occasions where some of my friends decided to try DPH, they saw me taking it and enjoying it immensely. Out of four friends who tried it, I’m the only one that really enjoys it. It gave them an overall feeling of restlessness, and they mostly didn’t attempt to push through the beginning stages where you feel like sleeping would be the best thing in the world to do.
Now, I’ve read up on DPH, and I know that a lot of people don’t believe you can possibly become addicted to it. At least in my personal case, this is false. I sleep fine without it, I don’t suffer from allergies, and I’m no longer taking opiates besides a few Ultram a day. I remember the feeling in my chest when the nurses would shoot 4mg of Dilaudid into my IV. The intense rush and body buzz. DPH feels better, hands down. I think that the type of reaction I get from taking DPH is rare. It doesn’t take half a gram for me to get this feeling. I can take 8x25mg pills and get that rush for 15 minutes or so, not even approaching the point where I disassociate reality and thoughts. This low dose was still uncomfortable for them. To me, this proves that this drug CAN be addictive, while also supporting the argument of those who scoff at the drug, and believe otherwise. More people that try it end up not liking it and stop, so the majority believes it’s BS. DPH IS an addictive drug for a percentage of the people that try it.
If I try to cold turkey DPH, about 17 hours later I get hit with a wave of nausea that causes me to vomit within 30 minutes after it hits. Eating, drinking, taking opiates, none of it helps in the least. On the other hand, I could take 20 pills per night for two weeks, and the following day, only take 4 a day for a week and never have problems with nausea. Obviously, my body is physically dependent on DPH, though not as severely as an opiate. This is not a psychological thing. I highly doubt my subconscious would realize I hadn’t taken any and cause me to become nauseous, and there have been frequent occasions when I would start feeling sick before I even realized it had been a while since I last dosed. Physical dependency? You betcha.
I have spoken to three different doctors who insist there are no long term risks to habitual overdosing of DPH. I don’t accept this at the drop of a hat, because there has never been a solid study to prove or disprove this statement, but if the damage done is insignificant enough that no one wants to study it, I don’t put too much stock into worrying about it. I have heard of people attempting suicide by overdosing on DPH, some taking as many as 50 pills or more. Instead of dying, they completely disassociated for hours on end and would feel like they were in a dream for the following week or so . Deaths are extremely rare, even when attempting suicide.**
So, to me, DPH is a very addictive drug...
What do you think?
* : http://www.chacha.com/question/how-much-is-the-street-price-of-heroine
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/heroin/heroin_dose1.shtml
** : http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9662109
When I was 19 years old, I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, an aggressive bone cancer that goes for the lungs upon metastasis and is nearly impossible to kill once it's there. I carried a tumor in my hip for over 9 months, until it was the size of a softball. I beat the cancer, despite the 4% success probability, but gave my leg and the left half of my hip and pelvis as payment. My treatment ended mid-July of 2008. Throughout the process, I took nearly every form of pain med offered by the medical world. Hydrocodone’s, Oxycodone’s IR and ER, Morphine both liquid and solid, Ultram (supplemented with Lyrica at times and Neurontin at others), Methadone, and the mother of all: Dilaudid IV and Oral. This is not an attempt to brag, I just want to get across that I am speaking from self-experience, not basing this on things I have read or heard from others. I have also partaken in recreational drug use, including opium (smoking), coke (although I only tried it once out of curiosity and never had a habit), marijuana (smoked and ingested), Cilicybin mushrooms, and a handful of RX’s that everyone know and love.
I was never addicted to any of these drugs. The pain meds I was taking to relieve a horrible situation. Phantom pain would cause my missing leg to feel like it was trapped in a large garbage disposal, and taking meds for intense pain lowers the probability of forming an addiction based habit. You’re just in too much pain to enjoy the drug enough to get hooked. I took methadone for nearly two years after my surgery, and April of 2010 I decided I didn’t want to take it anymore. I flushed the rest of the pills I had from the previous script, and haven’t touched it since. As far as the recreational use, I never became addicted based solely on will power.
Now, on to the reason for this thread. While I was receiving chemo, I had bouts of nausea. The protocol in the hospital was to hook up a “cocktail”, which was a mixture of Benadryl, Ativan, and Reglan. By the third week of my 10 months in the hospital off and on, I was completely hooked. The feeling that came over me as soon as that Benadryl hit my system was the best feeling in the world. It felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket, still at a young enough age that there was no such thing as problems, and experiencing a prolonged orgasm type rush (Don’t go crazy on this parallel, I just can’t figure out any other way to explain it). I know that this feeling was caused by the diphenhydramine and not the Ativan because I started to request cocktails with no Reglan or Ativan after the first two months, and it felt the same. After being released from the hospital for good and losing access to IV Benadryl, I immediately began taking it in pill form. The feeling wasn’t as intense, but it lasted much longer. Within a couple of months I was taking between 20 and 30 pills of DPH every night (500-750mg). My excuse to myself was that it helped me fall asleep, but I was enjoying the buzz much much more than the effect of passing out and sleeping for 18 hours. I would fight to stay awake for hours just so I could enjoy it as long as possible.
I ran into several of the commonly known side effects of DPH overdose. I would have an extremely dry mouth and throat, making swallowing difficult. I would lose the ability to judge the volume of my voice, and would almost always mutter quietly or whisper when talking to someone. I had periods where I felt I couldn’t move my body. Most intense side effect was that I lost the ability to distinguish reality from my thoughts. I would be talking to someone and completely jump tracks to a different sentence, in mid-sentence. “Yea I was just wondering if we were still gonna hang out tomorrow, because the groceries are all in the fridge.” I would realize I was doing this when the people I was talking to would become extremely confused and suspicious. Sometimes I would be sitting somewhere completely spaced out, and would just start talking to someone who wasn’t there, completely mid-sentence as well. I once dropped the TV remote, sending the batteries flying out, then proceeded to put some of my Ultram into the battery slot and hand it to my Fiancé.
There have been a few occasions where some of my friends decided to try DPH, they saw me taking it and enjoying it immensely. Out of four friends who tried it, I’m the only one that really enjoys it. It gave them an overall feeling of restlessness, and they mostly didn’t attempt to push through the beginning stages where you feel like sleeping would be the best thing in the world to do.
Now, I’ve read up on DPH, and I know that a lot of people don’t believe you can possibly become addicted to it. At least in my personal case, this is false. I sleep fine without it, I don’t suffer from allergies, and I’m no longer taking opiates besides a few Ultram a day. I remember the feeling in my chest when the nurses would shoot 4mg of Dilaudid into my IV. The intense rush and body buzz. DPH feels better, hands down. I think that the type of reaction I get from taking DPH is rare. It doesn’t take half a gram for me to get this feeling. I can take 8x25mg pills and get that rush for 15 minutes or so, not even approaching the point where I disassociate reality and thoughts. This low dose was still uncomfortable for them. To me, this proves that this drug CAN be addictive, while also supporting the argument of those who scoff at the drug, and believe otherwise. More people that try it end up not liking it and stop, so the majority believes it’s BS. DPH IS an addictive drug for a percentage of the people that try it.
If I try to cold turkey DPH, about 17 hours later I get hit with a wave of nausea that causes me to vomit within 30 minutes after it hits. Eating, drinking, taking opiates, none of it helps in the least. On the other hand, I could take 20 pills per night for two weeks, and the following day, only take 4 a day for a week and never have problems with nausea. Obviously, my body is physically dependent on DPH, though not as severely as an opiate. This is not a psychological thing. I highly doubt my subconscious would realize I hadn’t taken any and cause me to become nauseous, and there have been frequent occasions when I would start feeling sick before I even realized it had been a while since I last dosed. Physical dependency? You betcha.
I have spoken to three different doctors who insist there are no long term risks to habitual overdosing of DPH. I don’t accept this at the drop of a hat, because there has never been a solid study to prove or disprove this statement, but if the damage done is insignificant enough that no one wants to study it, I don’t put too much stock into worrying about it. I have heard of people attempting suicide by overdosing on DPH, some taking as many as 50 pills or more. Instead of dying, they completely disassociated for hours on end and would feel like they were in a dream for the following week or so . Deaths are extremely rare, even when attempting suicide.**
So, to me, DPH is a very addictive drug...
What do you think?
* : http://www.chacha.com/question/how-much-is-the-street-price-of-heroine
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/heroin/heroin_dose1.shtml
** : http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9662109
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