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The sober life lacks something..

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assembled

Bluelighter
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Jan 17, 2006
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I went through heavy psychedelic and stimulant phases from the time when I was 17 to when I was 20. I was constantly reading about, procuring and trying new substances. The sheer amount I tried now amazes me. I truly feel I have learned so much about and from psychoactive substances..

There were bad things about use and abuse, such as unstable mood, depression, mania, acting strangely to other people, seclusion and obsessiveness. This is why I eventually stopped and became sober, living a health class textbook healthy life.

I only drink now, rarely and never to the point of becoming drunk. I also drink tea and coffee rampantly, to try to fill the void but realistically it doesn't help. It is very hard for me to have fun now, and maintain interests and friendships.

Sober life is so linear. Travel, working, relationships, making money, love, everything. It just is so fucking linear without psychoactives. I feel like I can never return to the (head space) places I've been. Life seems much more meaningless without the magic power of drugs.

That being said I am doing well, I am training to a very lucrative trade, working full time, exercising, eating well. I just miss the lifestyle.

What I am wondering is, does this condition of "anhedonia" last forever? I have been completely clean for about two months now, and the biting feeling of empyiness has not improved much yet. It is to the point that I have started having suicidal idealizations, daily.

:|:|
 
It will continue, but what WILL help is getting a hobby. After I stopped taking Mephedrone and MDMA (among other psychedelics, like 2C-B, LSD and the such), it was really hard to explore my mind and do fun things. After that, I started rock climbing and weight lifting, and that just takes my mind off of drugs. Rock climbing for me is so exhilarating and the adrenaline rush I get from it is amazing. When I weight lift, it boosts my confidence in myself as I know I look better, and for me, it is very relaxing and actually helps me sleep. Get a hobby that will take your mind off drugs, and stick with it. Whether the hobby be Rock Climbing, Painting, Drawing, Swimming, whatever, just make sure you stick with it, and do it as often as possible, as the highs you get from activities you enjoy that don't involve drugs are so much better than the highs you get from drugs.
 
First off, especially if those suicidal thoughts are prominent and vivid, go to therapy. I never believed in just talking to a stranger about stuff but these people are trained to help you work through problems such as yours. I was unfortunately completely addicted to crack in my teens and quitting it made me extremely depressed for almost 6 months before I sought help. It's worth it, trust me.
My next idea might seem a bit radical and please ignore this advice if you feel it's not right for you. Set up a sort of calender and pick X(i'd start with 1) days per month to do a drug again, whichever you think will break up the linear lifestyle you hate. Personally I would suggest a non-addictive psychadelic (sorry no special K) as it'll probably be more life changing and leaves less room for relapse. Pick the day in advance, the 15th for example, and stencil in what drug to do in advance. It'll take will power but if you think you can handle it, breaking up the monotony with the chemicals that work best might be a good option.
 
I agree with WhiteOwl, as that's something I do to. Once every month or so I pick a drug (I usually rotate between LSD, MDMA, Ket and 2C-B, no Meph for me no more!) and take it at a party or something. It helps with my cravings and it's tons of fun when it does happen.
 
kadazzle, out of curiosity do you pre-determine the date of consumption? or just decide it's a once in a while thing? I've never really spoken to anyone else who does drugs like that with the exception of the close friend I originally designed that system for. He's currently been on a bi-monthly trip (the 15th and 30th, or 28th if feb) for 8.5 months and is doing great, no longer suffering from the depression or anxiety that plagued him after leaving behind a lifestyle that made him unable to function in normal society.
 
Why don't you try creative thinking, non-linear 'hobbies' (or even professions, especially if you're in one that you're unhappy with now)? If everything feels very linear, it's probably because you're a more creative person and need that kind of stimulation. It doesn't have to come from drugs though.
 
Maybe try reading or even studying spiritual or other mind-expanding texts? Smoking some ganj? Learn to meditate?

And I've always thought of the periodic trip as discussed above as the optimum way to use psychedelics.
 
You have only been clean for just two months. That is not a very long time. Give it longer and you'll see that drugs just aren't the way. Life is what you make of it.
 
thewhiteowl said:
kadazzle, out of curiosity do you pre-determine the date of consumption? or just decide it's a once in a while thing? I've never really spoken to anyone else who does drugs like that with the exception of the close friend I originally designed that system for. He's currently been on a bi-monthly trip (the 15th and 30th, or 28th if feb) for 8.5 months and is doing great, no longer suffering from the depression or anxiety that plagued him after leaving behind a lifestyle that made him unable to function in normal society.
Click to expand...

It's usually when something big is happening, that I really want to be high for. I may take a drug 2-3 times a month, but then I may not take a drug during a month. Examples are, in October I took MDMA and Ketamine at the DJ Tiesto set in Toronto, and then I took 2C-B, Nutmeg and Ketamine for Halloween. This month, however I have taken nothing and don't plan to until the 27th, when I will be going to a concert then I'll be going clubbing.

So I *do* pre-plan the date of consumption, but it's only when something big is happening, not every 25th of the month or something.
 
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