Mental Health The scariest thing has happened for a 2nd time in my life :l Is this anxiety or what?

[~kira~]

I can only describe the following 2 experiences as terrifying, freighting and so far the scariest moment in my life (or at least close to the top of that list)

Before I begin, I want to explain a few things about myself...
I am 26 years old, when I was 16 I was diagnosed by a doctor with depression and severe anxiety. I was put on meds. One med would help the anxiety a little, but make the depression worse, and vice versa. In the end of that, counselling or meds did not help me at all. Back then I had a history of pain pill abuse, and also a year long stint of synthetic weed addiction. (not knowing how bad it was for me at the time) This was around the ages of 18-21. I don't have depression anymore, but my anxiety sometimes gets the very best of me. I hate it. Anxiety is just hard to live with at times, and scary

Sometimes at work (my old job) I would be very very anxious, and sometimes forget where I was or who I was while I was working. I would make an excuse to use the restroom, collect myself and resume my day somewhat normal.

So, about 3 months ago, I was working at the same job as above, I was not happy with where I was working. The boss, employees etc sucked, and my stress level was at a very high level. One night after a bad day at work, I had fallen asleep around 3 and around 4am I woke up in an all out panic, I mean I was in a dead sleep, then woke up, shot up into a sitting position, looking frantically at my surroundings. I was so scared, I did not know who I was, where I was or what I was seeing, everything was blurry and my heart was beating fast, most likely because I was scared as s***! It took a few minutes for me to calm down, and realize who I was. The rest of the night I stayed awake, having multiple anxiety attacks. I finally fell asleep at 9am just because I was tired. Part of me was scared to sleep again.

So, now to last night.... I currently have a new job, my stress has not been high at all. I do drink coffee, and at nights take 25mg of benadryl to fall asleep. Yesterday I had a lattee, and last night around 11pm I had a coke zero, and 25mg of benadryl. I fell asleep around 1am after the benadryl hit me. Well around 3am I had yet another episode, I shot up, feeling like I couldn't breathe, and again not knowing anything. It is so hard to describe, it's like tunnel vision. It almost seemed as if I felt like I was seeing out of some one else's vision. I don't know...but it was scary. It took me a minute or 2 to calm down, I felt drained and empty inside.I did manage to fall asleep quickly after this.

What the hell is wrong with me!? I almost hate falling asleep now. Has anyone had this happen before, or is there even a term to go along with this? I found general depersonalize..but I wasn't sure if that is what it would be.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Hey ~kira~

If I can say anything for sure, it's that people on this site have had experiences very close to yours. Thanks for reaching out.

We can't say what's wrong with you...because we don't know. We can make non-medical judgement, and offer tips to improve safety and health. That said, I'm gonna do my best here. But If you could answer some of these questions, it will grant us more insight.

At 16, were you diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety before any drug abuse?

I've known at least one person who became schizophrenic largely due to 'noids. Did you ever have any panic or anxiety when using them? If so, did you, and/or do you, have anxiety while not using that felt similar to anxiety while on it?

Were you using during therapy? If so, the therapy will work very little, if at all.

I've had more minor instances of waking up in such a manner. Sounds like that's not connected to current using, and that these days you just drink coffee and take the benadryl. Yes?

Depresonalization, if that is what you're experiencing, is a psychotic symptom. The anxiety you described further doesn't sound like a minor sort of anxiety--a good check might be to see if your hands shake. Your anxiety is more of a "phased" and intensely fearful feeling, no? I'm guessing you don't lose your breath.

So the recommendation I can give is to be evaluated at an outpatient clinic. Public mental health facilities, if in the US, generally base fees on how much one earns. If you relate the magnitude and nature of your pain, they should get you to see someone within days, at most. The questions above aren't just for us, but I would guess are similar to the questions that will be asked of you during an evaluation.

Secondly, if you want to recover most ideally, I'd advise you to abide not just by doctor's orders, but by their recommendations. This includes taking medication that they judge will likely help, exactly as its prescribed. They will go over your ideas and feelings. Unless they're doing something clearly wrong (which depends too much to state here), take what they want you to take.

Third, there are usually publicly-funded therapists for outpatient care, too. If nothing else, please work with a therapist.

Let us know how things go!

 

[Cookie95]

Hi Kira,

I'd suggest what you're describing is nocturnal panic attacks. Obviously I can't make any sort of diagnosis, let alone over the site, but I'd just say based on my own and other people's experience that nocturnal panic attacks are a possibility.

Panic attacks in themselves are scary, but nocturnal ones can be particularly unsettling. As you probably know, panic attacks can come out of nowhere and often with no specific trigger. This is exactly the same while you're asleep as your subconscious is still partially awake - hence why dreaming is possible.

Anyway, when a panic attack occurs at night, it interrupts the body's natural sleep cycle. If you consider an occasion when you've been suddenly woken up from a deep sleep and it's taken you a while to "acclimatise" to what's going on. That's exactly what happens when you get woken up by a panic attack whilst asleep, except that the feeling of disorientation is enhanced due to the fact your anxiety levels are through the roof. I won't bore you with the science behind it, but from what you said about the first episode occurring around an hour after falling asleep, at that point you'd be entering the deep sleep phase which is typically the most difficult time to wake a person up, so the disorientation you experienced is totally understandable. If you want to gain a better understanding of why this confusion can occur when you're woken up, have a google of the different sleep cycles and what the brain's doing in each.

The best thing you can do is to treat it in exactly the same way you would a normal panic attack. Accept that it is happening and focus on controlling your breathing. Once you're awake enough, remove yourself from the situation. For example, just get up and go to the kitchen and drink a glass of water. You'll have to find what works best for you - it's a very individual thing. But the most important thing is to accept what it is and have total trust and understanding that it's nothing dangerous. It is incredibly unpleasant, but once you're able to focus on the fact it will pass, it will become easier to deal with.

I really hope that helps. Obviously if this becomes a more regular occurrence and is really interrupting your sleep, speak to your Dr who can advise on therapies/medications that may help reduce these episodes. There is also informations out there online. There isn't a massive amount of research into it, but there is a fair bit of advice dotted around the internet which may help.

 

[swilow]

What the hell is wrong with me!? I almost hate falling asleep now. Has anyone had this happen before, or is there even a term to go along with this? I found general depersonalize..but I wasn't sure if that is what it would be.

Hey Kira, sorry to hear of this

I would suggest you are experiencing good old panic attacks. I get them from time to time, they utterly suck and feel so incredibly frightening and intense. I get similar symptoms, very disoriented, visual problems, feeling like I'm not 'me' or not 'real', or that reality isn't 'real' or something. In an evolutionary sense, this is thought to be related to the 'possum playing dead' instinct- when confronted with existential threat, the organism freezes- perhaps to save the consciousness from an overwhelming event. In humans, this is coupled with our self-awareness which utterly freaks out at this sensation. It feels like you are dying.

The good news is that panic attacks are entirely harmless. Physically, they are stressful but they will not hurt you. I don't think anyone has ever died or been injured from a panic attack alone. What's even better is that you can learn to control this and its pretty easy in my experience.

Literally, deepish and slow breathing. Breath through your nose for 3 seconds, hold for 1 second, breathe out through your mouth for 4 seconds. Its realtively important to use this sort of ration of in and out breath; panic isn't caused by low oxyen levels, it is caused by too much carbon dioxide in the blood- this literally triggers the breathing reflex. When you panic, you tend to take shallow breaths without entirely exhaling and this causes your body to respond as if being stifled- subjectively, this corrsponds to a feeling or urgently needing to breathe. When you are calm, you will be breathing deeply and slowly and this actually reduces the levels of carbon dioxide and stress hormones in the blood. A funny thing is that if we 'force' the body to breath deeply, the body and mind start to calm- its like a feedback effect, you are breathing in the way a calm organism does and therefore feel calm.

It may take some practise and I suggest you practise as often as you can, especially when you are not panicking. Do it at all times, and spend dedicated time each day breathing and meditating. I used to get regular panic attacks and now find that during spikes of anxiety, I am just doing my deep breathing and breathing my way through this. It works, and it is easy. And you don't built a tolerance to breathing, the positive effects only deepen with continued use!

Another little thing to do when you panic- have a sweet drink, fruit juice is my go to. Panic attacks really deplete glucose stores, and low blood glucose can cause weakness and depersonalisation (the brain runs on glucose basically), leading to panic/anxiety itself. A hit of sugar can quite rapidly reverse the effects of panic.

The last thing I would suggest is cutting out the benadryl if you can. It is psychoactive and could contribute to your disorientation upon sudden awakening. Coupled with the release of the stress hormone cortisol when you awaken, the slightly weird effect of bendaryl may be getting exagerrated by your suddenly awakened, stimulated mind.

I would also agree that you will benefit from some therapy. CBT is very effective for anxiety and panic.

You are safe, this is not an uncommon experience, there are simple solutions- I think you will be able to overcome this problem.

Feel free to ask any questions, I've had years of experience with panic and anxiety and have largely learned to deal with this problem.

All the best

Depresonalization, if that is what you're experiencing, is a psychotic symptom.

It can be a symptom of psychosis, but its much more commonly experienced during anxiety and panic. I'm not sure mentioning that to an anxious person is all that useful.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I guess my point was that it's pretty serious, just to validate OP's ills.

 

[swilow]

Panic attacks are serious in that they are debilitating and really horribly intense, no doubt. I'm just not sure why you mentioned psychosis as depersonalisation is much more commonly a symptom of anxiety and the other described symptoms match up with that too. It seemed to be jumping the gun.

Of course, we are not doctors and the op should see one if these things continue but I think the few suggestions so far are well worth pursuing in the meantime.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Waking up feeling like you can't breathe? Like in a normal panic attack way, or in a different out of breath way? Do you have a history of snoring?

Investigating sleep apnea with a sleep study would be a good way to go if you can afford it, could be good to have a sleep study regardless if its not too hard on the wallet. Skinny people do get obstructive sleep apnea (been there) and there are other types.

If by slim chance you do have some sleep apnea, it may not be helping in terms of panic attack generation whilst sleeping.

CY

 

[losangeles1993]

dude take it easy on the caffeine

 

[SamanthaB]

Hi,

I am very sorry that you are experiencing these symptoms. They sound just awful.

I think the posters that peg this as nighttime panic attacks are probably right on. You can find tons of information online if you "google" it. BTW, depersonalization is not a psychosis. Depersonalization is a symptom of anxiety and the person does not lose contact with reality, even though their own experience of reality is distorted for a short time.

I hope these awful experiences get better for you soon.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I'm just not sure why you mentioned psychosis as depersonalisation is much more commonly a symptom of anxiety and the other described symptoms match up with that too. It seemed to be jumping the gun.
I think the few suggestions so far are well worth pursuing in the meantime.

"a state in which one's thoughts and feelings seem unreal or not to belong to oneself, or in which one loses all sense of identity." Sounds like an NMDA hallcinogenic state of mind, during which many lose their identity, or, ego. K-hole, even...NMDA mimicking positive and negative symptoms of psychotic disorders.

 

[~kira~]

.

Hi Kira,

Hey Kira,

Waking up feeling like you can't breathe? Like in a normal panic attack way, or in a different out of breath way? Do you have a history of snoring?

CY

dude take it easy on the caffeine

Hi,
.

HEY everyone!! Man sorry it's been a while... It just randomly popped into my head to check bluelight tonight. Thank you all very so much for the kind replies
I quoted all of the posts as I have read them, but I erased all of the text to make this post kind of shorter...

To answer one of the many posts, when I was 16 and diagnosed with depression and anxiety I had been a very sober kid, no alcohol, weed, pills, coffee or anything other than the average teenage fatty diet haha. It was maybe 2 years after being diagnosed with both of those I started up the nasty little habits.

So far so good on not having another one of these episodes. I have read into it a bit and I think it might be Depersonalization like everyone has said. That's scary stuff. I hate anxiety with a passion D: I still suffer from anxiety quite a bit on a daily basis. Some of which could be the caffeine content that I drink daily. But only one coffee a day shouldn't be to bad I wouldn't think. My mom drinks like 5-8 cups a day and is healthy. lol.

I have however stopped with the benadryl. Instead, every night before I go to sleep, I will smoke a little bit so I can relax and then I play on my phone until I end up passing out. So far that seems to be working. *fingers crossed*
Also, the sleep apnea thing... I never really even thought about that. I have been told I snore, and I am skinny. My dad has that, so I probably do as well. I doubt I can go to a sleep study, not sure how much they are..

I still don't know how to cope with anxiety to well. I really don't want to go seek help from a stranger. I close myself up when at a therapist's office. I just don't like talking to someone who doesn't actually know me. Sometimes my anxiety gets weird where I almost feel like I'm not breathing even though I am. It's weird, it's like my mind wonders off as I still function perfectly fine. I don't know how to describe it. When I had that horrible experience I was breathing fine I believe, but I think it was the anxiety breathing happening. Where I felt like I couldn't breathe, or was in great danger even though I was not. One trick I find that does help a bit is the 5 senses test. When having bad anxiety you have to 1. find something you can see, 2. touch something, 3.smell something, 4. taste something, and 5. hear something. I have tried this a few times and it works, but not all of the time.

I will be reaching out to some of you in the future. Thanks for the replies so far. It is a lot more comforting to know I am not alone with this issue

 

[swilow]

Never alone. So many people get anxiety. And there are ways to reduce it.

The 5 sense grounding technique is really useful though I sometimes have sensory disturbances when I'm anxious. Sense of touch goes weird.

Feel free to pm me if you need.