Recovery The reasons I'm quitting opioids

[interrapax]

Hi all. Long time reader, first time poster, so please let me know if I say anything I shouldn't. You guys have been a great help and comfort to me over the last few days.

I'm nearly 40 and I've been using opioids on and off since I was 17. For a long time codeine was available OTC in Australia, and I started using it to manage my anxiety (which has since been diagnosed). Things escalated and for the last few years I've been using Oxys, Tramadol, or Fentanyl daily. At first I was getting meds from doctors who I knew were generous with their script pad, then from dealers. My main drug of choice has been Tramadol (400 to 800mg per day). I'm just glad I haven't had a seizure.

I've recently made a decision to quit. I'm about 72 hours into withdrawals, so I'm not having the greatest time at the moment lol. But the one upside of not being able to sleep is that I can read all the stories here, many of which are inspiring and helpful.

One comment I saw a few times stood out to me: if you want to quit, it's important to know why you're quitting. To that end, I put together a list of my own reasons and I thought I'd share it. Some of them are specific to me and yours will be different, but I thought they might be helpful to others.

Why do I want to quit?

1. I'm not in control of this, no matter how much I try to convince myself I am. Everything I've experienced so far tells me that it will escalate to stronger drugs, higher doses, and worse actions. Eventually it will lead to a dark place that will severely impact my loved ones and I refuse to do that to them.
2. Life is tough and the world can be dangerous. There are people who depend on me. If I'm using, I can't be the man I need to be for them.
3. The drugs are tricking me. They want me to believe they'll solve my problems and make me feel good all the time. Instead, they make me feel euphoric for 5% of the time, and crap for 95% of the time. But being clean, I can feel reasonably satisfied (if not euphoric) for 100% of the time. That trade is a no brainer.
4. The withdrawals are hell, and if I continue using, it's inevitable that I'll experience them again and again.
5. The long-term damage to my mental health. Repeated and constant periods of getting high then withdrawing must be doing long-term damage to my brain (neurotoxicity?).
6. The long-term damage to my physical health, especially my liver and kidneys, digestive system, dental health, skin, and testosterone levels. And the risk of overdose or seizures.
7. I don't want to be a slave to a substance. I don't want to depend on pills. As much as possible, I want to be in control of my life. I want to be free.
8. When I'm using, I'm not living a good life. I have no passion, no desire, no drive or ambition. I turn into a lazy dope.
9. When I'm using, I'm not experiencing life as it really is. I'm seeing and experiencing it through a foggy mirror. The drugs are a barrier between me and reality. When I'm clean, it's just me facing the world, no lifejacket. It's scary but it's real. "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face."
10. Abusing drugs is an insult to God, the author of all things, who created me and loves me, who wants to see me happy, who wants me to treat my mind and body with dignity, and who wants me to make the most of the life He has given me.

From the last two, you might be able to tell that I'm a Christian (the quote at the end of the second-last one is from the Bible). As I said, not all of them will apply to everyone. I just wanted to share my list in an honest way, in the hope that it might help others. I'm doing many other things to quit (including seeking the help of professionals), but I found putting together this list was one of the most helpful steps, and I'd encourage anyone in a similar situation to do the same.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Know that I'm doing the same for each of you.

 

[jasperkent]

Welcome to BlueLight and best wishes on your journey. You're definitely off to a good start.

Personally, the only way I ever beat addictions (several) was to really want  to.
I went through phases when I could list all kinds of reasons that I should quit, but that didn't necessarily mean that I wanted to.

I had to want to quit more than I wanted to use.

Good Luck!

 

[interrapax]

Welcome to BlueLight and best wishes on your journey. You're definitely off to a good start.

Personally, the only way I ever beat addictions (several) was to really want  to.
I went through phases when I could list all kinds of reasons that I should quit, but that didn't necessarily mean that I wanted to.

I had to want to quit more than I wanted to use.

Good Luck!

Thanks mate, I really appreciate it. And I agree with you wholeheartedly. I know it's going to be a long, tough road with setbacks. But for the first time, I'm making a serious effort. The desire is definitely there. Time will tell if the will is there too.

 

[cdin]

don’t forget to add : not having a functioning intestinal system. To that list of reasons to quit. When I get tempted, I go back and read about Matthew Perry’s 14 bowel surgeries

 

[interrapax]

don’t forget to add : not having a functioning intestinal system. To that list of reasons to quit. When I get tempted, I go back and read about Matthew Perry’s 14 bowel surgeries

Amen. I think people underestimate this one. And underestimate how much of an impact our digestive systems have on our wellbeing. It's so freaking important.

 

[Krayzieaztec]

Amen. I think people underestimate this one. And underestimate how much of an impact our digestive systems have on our wellbeing. It's so freaking important.

Yeah that I think it’s the vagus nerve that’s near there which is helps with keeping the body not relaxed but something like it tranquil? (Sorry my brains recovering too atm and words are hard lol) but “gut feeling”, can be affected by how healthy your gut is. And trusting your gut can be like having faith in yourself as you have faith in Him. We may not be of the same beliefs but I believe in praying and you’ve gone through the worst part in my opinion. The first 3 days of withdrawals are the worst for me after the hump keep reading your rules and don’t forget to forgive yourself. However long it takes no excuses no roundabouts forgive yourself and love yourself. Thank you for sharing blessings upon you and I will be sure to include you in my next prayer
And welcome from one first timer to another

 

[User145667]

Hi all. Long time reader, first time poster, so please let me know if I say anything I shouldn't. You guys have been a great help and comfort to me over the last few days.

I'm nearly 40 and I've been using opioids on and off since I was 17. For a long time codeine was available OTC in Australia, and I started using it to manage my anxiety (which has since been diagnosed). Things escalated and for the last few years I've been using Oxys, Tramadol, or Fentanyl daily. At first I was getting meds from doctors who I knew were generous with their script pad, then from dealers. My main drug of choice has been Tramadol (400 to 800mg per day). I'm just glad I haven't had a seizure.

I've recently made a decision to quit. I'm about 72 hours into withdrawals, so I'm not having the greatest time at the moment lol. But the one upside of not being able to sleep is that I can read all the stories here, many of which are inspiring and helpful.

One comment I saw a few times stood out to me: if you want to quit, it's important to know why you're quitting. To that end, I put together a list of my own reasons and I thought I'd share it. Some of them are specific to me and yours will be different, but I thought they might be helpful to others.

Why do I want to quit?

1. I'm not in control of this, no matter how much I try to convince myself I am. Everything I've experienced so far tells me that it will escalate to stronger drugs, higher doses, and worse actions. Eventually it will lead to a dark place that will severely impact my loved ones and I refuse to do that to them.
2. Life is tough and the world can be dangerous. There are people who depend on me. If I'm using, I can't be the man I need to be for them.
3. The drugs are tricking me. They want me to believe they'll solve my problems and make me feel good all the time. Instead, they make me feel euphoric for 5% of the time, and crap for 95% of the time. But being clean, I can feel reasonably satisfied (if not euphoric) for 100% of the time. That trade is a no brainer.
4. The withdrawals are hell, and if I continue using, it's inevitable that I'll experience them again and again.
5. The long-term damage to my mental health. Repeated and constant periods of getting high then withdrawing must be doing long-term damage to my brain (neurotoxicity?).
6. The long-term damage to my physical health, especially my liver and kidneys, digestive system, dental health, skin, and testosterone levels. And the risk of overdose or seizures.
7. I don't want to be a slave to a substance. I don't want to depend on pills. As much as possible, I want to be in control of my life. I want to be free.
8. When I'm using, I'm not living a good life. I have no passion, no desire, no drive or ambition. I turn into a lazy dope.
9. When I'm using, I'm not experiencing life as it really is. I'm seeing and experiencing it through a foggy mirror. The drugs are a barrier between me and reality. When I'm clean, it's just me facing the world, no lifejacket. It's scary but it's real. "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face."
10. Abusing drugs is an insult to God, the author of all things, who created me and loves me, who wants to see me happy, who wants me to treat my mind and body with dignity, and who wants me to make the most of the life He has given me.

From the last two, you might be able to tell that I'm a Christian (the quote at the end of the second-last one is from the Bible). As I said, not all of them will apply to everyone. I just wanted to share my list in an honest way, in the hope that it might help others. I'm doing many other things to quit (including seeking the help of professionals), but I found putting together this list was one of the most helpful steps, and I'd encourage anyone in a similar situation to do the same.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Know that I'm doing the same for each of you.

I am praying for ya bubuh. You can do this. God got me through both a long term, hardcore IV meth mental addiction and later a GHB physical addiction (withdrawal can cause death). Unfortunately, I've gotten on Kratom for the past few months but I am moving to a state where it is illegal so I can get away from the gas station stuff. Pray for me as well. But God got me through much, much worse so I know He can get me through this, and I know He can get you through this too. God bless! This too shall pass!

 

[spammie nurse]

How are you doing? I have prayed Psalms 91 over you. At times like this, we must take refuge in the most high God. There is healing in his wings so shelter yourself under those wings. Find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

 

[interrapax]

I am praying for ya bubuh. You can do this. God got me through both a long term, hardcore IV meth mental addiction and later a GHB physical addiction (withdrawal can cause death). Unfortunately, I've gotten on Kratom for the past few months but I am moving to a state where it is illegal so I can get away from the gas station stuff. Pray for me as well. But God got me through much, much worse so I know He can get me through this, and I know He can get you through this too. God bless! This too shall pass!

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and right back at you. I'll keep you in my prayers

 

[interrapax]

How are you doing? I have prayed Psalms 91 over you. At times like this, we must take refuge in the most high God. There is healing in his wings so shelter yourself under those wings. Find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Thank you friend that's very kind of you. God bless and sending prayers your way

 

[Nas47]

Hi all. Long time reader, first time poster, so please let me know if I say anything I shouldn't. You guys have been a great help and comfort to me over the last few days.

I'm nearly 40 and I've been using opioids on and off since I was 17. For a long time codeine was available OTC in Australia, and I started using it to manage my anxiety (which has since been diagnosed). Things escalated and for the last few years I've been using Oxys, Tramadol, or Fentanyl daily. At first I was getting meds from doctors who I knew were generous with their script pad, then from dealers. My main drug of choice has been Tramadol (400 to 800mg per day). I'm just glad I haven't had a seizure.

I've recently made a decision to quit. I'm about 72 hours into withdrawals, so I'm not having the greatest time at the moment lol. But the one upside of not being able to sleep is that I can read all the stories here, many of which are inspiring and helpful.

One comment I saw a few times stood out to me: if you want to quit, it's important to know why you're quitting. To that end, I put together a list of my own reasons and I thought I'd share it. Some of them are specific to me and yours will be different, but I thought they might be helpful to others.

Why do I want to quit?

1. I'm not in control of this, no matter how much I try to convince myself I am. Everything I've experienced so far tells me that it will escalate to stronger drugs, higher doses, and worse actions. Eventually it will lead to a dark place that will severely impact my loved ones and I refuse to do that to them.
2. Life is tough and the world can be dangerous. There are people who depend on me. If I'm using, I can't be the man I need to be for them.
3. The drugs are tricking me. They want me to believe they'll solve my problems and make me feel good all the time. Instead, they make me feel euphoric for 5% of the time, and crap for 95% of the time. But being clean, I can feel reasonably satisfied (if not euphoric) for 100% of the time. That trade is a no brainer.
4. The withdrawals are hell, and if I continue using, it's inevitable that I'll experience them again and again.
5. The long-term damage to my mental health. Repeated and constant periods of getting high then withdrawing must be doing long-term damage to my brain (neurotoxicity?).
6. The long-term damage to my physical health, especially my liver and kidneys, digestive system, dental health, skin, and testosterone levels. And the risk of overdose or seizures.
7. I don't want to be a slave to a substance. I don't want to depend on pills. As much as possible, I want to be in control of my life. I want to be free.
8. When I'm using, I'm not living a good life. I have no passion, no desire, no drive or ambition. I turn into a lazy dope.
9. When I'm using, I'm not experiencing life as it really is. I'm seeing and experiencing it through a foggy mirror. The drugs are a barrier between me and reality. When I'm clean, it's just me facing the world, no lifejacket. It's scary but it's real. "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face."
10. Abusing drugs is an insult to God, the author of all things, who created me and loves me, who wants to see me happy, who wants me to treat my mind and body with dignity, and who wants me to make the most of the life He has given me.

From the last two, you might be able to tell that I'm a Christian (the quote at the end of the second-last one is from the Bible). As I said, not all of them will apply to everyone. I just wanted to share my list in an honest way, in the hope that it might help others. I'm doing many other things to quit (including seeking the help of professionals), but I found putting together this list was one of the most helpful steps, and I'd encourage anyone in a similar situation to do the same.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Know that I'm doing the same for each of you.

Sucess man!!!God is with you

 

[DeathIndustrial88]

It's amazing how vastly different people's experiences, interpretations & beliefs can differ.

I wish you all the best though OP!

In my case, I feel like I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum. I feel like I need better access to opioids if I want quality of life or any sort of feeling of well-being.
Feeling dysphoric & crappy was my norm before I discovered opioids. Opioids gave me my functionality, my ability to smile & my joy & energy back. Of course not all opioids are the same either & it can really depend on many things.
Living with physical pain & mental pain for the rest of my life isn't exactly appealing for me.

I think they're still valuable tools in helping people fight disorders, whether somatic or psychosomatic. People need to be more educated about opioids before they use them too (which we don't get much in society). Like making sure to take care of your bowels & keep them moving, not mixing a bunch of other downers with them, etc..
Some people can benefit from them for their short term (without getting addicted), others that don't need them can get addicted & need more help available. And then there's folks like me who have benefited from them in the long term. One example being opioids helped me quit drinking. But aren't able to use them due to the lovely "drug war". Which is really just a war on people.

But I understand a lot of your reasons for quitting as well. It is up to each individual to find what it is they truly need & desire. Some find that their desire lies within that "foggy bliss" & others have a different calling. Some may not find their other calling til other periods of time when they are ready or need to. Some just get tired of it eventually. I know that I have at some points, especially dealing with stomach issues.

Either way, good luck & all the best!

 

[Fertile]

Those 10 reasons are better than the ones AA use. I don't believe in a conventional god - but illegal drugs involve murder, slavery and worse. I do not wish to be part of making that a reality. So that's my 10.