The Power of Heroin

[jon420]

Damn, what can I say i've fell of the wagon.

Had an oxy addiction was on methadone for 4 months. Kicked the methadone Cold turkey, 40ml. Was clean for about 4 weeks. Got back into old circles, old friends and last week I smoked heroin. I've smoked 1-2 bags a day for the last 9 days now. 15 minutes ago I was sweating, chills all the usual signs of initial withdrawal. One hit of heroin and bam, everything is alright. The power of this fucking drug is immense, it has such a hold on me.

For the first time, I understand what people mean when they say "the physical WD's are the easy part". I managed my methadone WD's fine, but the PAWS were absolutely hellish. The depression, amotivation and downright apathy to life I just did not want to do anything for 4 weeks. Then when I used H, everything is fine and dandy again. Except it isn't: my parents and girlfriend are beginning to suspect my use, just one hour ago I was crawling about my floor looking for .30 to get a bag. Dam this drug is horrible, but so fucking good at the same time.

Two years ago when I did my first CWE I never thought I'd end up addicted, what power heroin has. I just cannot see myself opiate free. I can kick the drug, dont really mind the PWD's but the PAWS I just cannot get through.

To those of you who gone through PAWS and managed to stay clean, how the hell did you do it? And all my love to you, it takes amazing strength to stay clean for just one day

 

[molly897]

you do not need heroin. you have been fine without it and any drugs for that matter and will be again. everyone falls back off the wagon at one point, which people are about to tell you stories about. that is the main thing though man, you have GOT to stay away from all drug users.. you can't fall back like this again, especially if your girlfriend and parents are already catching on.

but would telling them be so bad? being alone is not what you need and whether they're there physically, you're alone in your head and nothing good will ever come from that

 

[jon420]

thanks molly unfortunately telling them would be really bad I feel they would disown me as a junkie. also my father gives me $500 a month and i feel that would stop if he knew i was a user so i am scared to tell them

 

[SkagKush]

has had a grip on me for 2 years.... on sub now

 

[JimmyCocks]

I hear that Molly.
People, Places, Things. If any of the aforementioned have anything to do with possibly hindering your sobriety you need to stay the hell away. its gets easier over time man

 

[Lolie]

Just remember that the wagon hasn't gone anywhere - it's still there any time you want to dust yourself off and climb back on it.

In the short term at least, you really do need to stay away from people and situations which enable your abuse. It's going to suck because chances are that pretty much your whole social world was revolving around using before and that you haven't had time yet to form meaningful friendships with people who don't use and abuse.

You're living a lie right now and it's a dangerous one because it distances you from the people who can help support you being clean. The "friends" you're using with have a vested interest in you remaining fucked up yet they're the only people with whom you're being honest right now.

I'm guessing that you've been down the lying to those close to you road before and know that the lies will only become bigger and more frequent until you can no longer hide your use. Even if you don't think you can control your use right now, you can control whether you continue lying to your parents and girlfriend.

"Clean" isn't just about not using your DOC, it's also about changing the other behaviours which are part and parcel of drug abuse. Right now you're not even giving the people who care about you a chance to support you in being clean, which is a pretty shitty way to treat them when you think about it. You can change that in a heartbeat. Even if there's nothing else you can do today to change your desire to use, you can get real with the people who care about you.

 

[unsettled]

If you absolutely can't stay away from H you may want to try getting on Suboxone if you haven't already. It's obviously better to get off of H without switching to a maintenance med but for me Subs have been a lifesaver at the moment.

I've been on opiates for years and only really did H daily for a few months, I loved the highs but the lows were unbearable and I've never touched a drug that ate up my money so fast, it also very quickly seemed to become the main focus of my life. At first it was fine because I had money and a good connection and I rarely had to deal with wd's cause I could always score. Then I ran out of money, my dealer got arrested and I started buying it through some real shady people and my life became hell very quickly.

I'm now on subs and don't even crave H, I did at first but not anymore, subs allow me to do all the things I want and need to do without having to constantly worry about scoring more H. I think if subs work for you they are worth it, you can taper down much easier with them and your family won't suspect anything.

Just my experience, I know they don't work for everyone but they've allowed me to avoid losing everything, I look back at my last couple weeks on H and it's sad and depressing.

If H was legal or if you were rich and had a constant supply I think it's possible to live normally on H but it's not legal and you're probably not rich...

You do need to have other things that you want to do and focus on or it won't work, you also need to want to move forward in your life bad enough to make some serious changes.

So if the PAWS are too much for you (they were for me) try subs... just my two cents.