TDS The person that got too wild and it feels like everyone hates me.

[afterlyfe]

Hi everyone, long time lurker first time poster.


Last weekend I endulged in amphetamines and MDMA with a lot of friends at a holiday house I own.

Unfortunately I have a low tolerance due to not dosing as frequently as I used to, but I could tell the whole night people were commenting how messed up I was. I have endulged several times over the years, but the things we got were of high quality and I was really enjoying my time on this roll, we had the music pumping and great chats.


But towards the end of the night/early morning everyone was texting each other not talking no music just silence and I was the pinging one sitting by himself. I could tell that I had become "that person" of the night that got too fucked up.

I wasn't doing stupid shit or making loud noises, just going along with my roll trying to make conversation but always remembered to not be that person that talks ears off because I know that seriously annoys people when they're on stuff.


Its been a few days and serotonin/dopamine depletion are playing a role here, but I feel like everyone hates me and I haven't gotten a friend left in the world. Friends insist that I was fine that night, that I was just fucked but I can't accept it; the only thing I can accept is that I was the joke for the night..

I'm just left alone with these thoughts in my head like I haven't got a friend in the world.

 

[herbavore]

Isn't it weird how we torture ourselves? Your thoughts are not helping you here but you can change them. While it may be good to learn from your experience (you didn't expect or want to be quite that high) now you can move on and let it go. Holding onto it and worrying about it can produce nothing useful. If you feel a sense of paranoia creeping into your relationships with other people it is a good time to try to clear your head of those thoughts and just be proactive with the friendships themselves. Do things for your friends. Make arrangements to interact and keep in touch in casual ways. Nurture the friendships and yourself and I think you will start to feel better.

 

[dilated_pupils]

It sounds a lot like the over indulging has made you think just a bit too much more than usual about the normalcy you're accustomed too. I would suggest listening to those friends whom have been saying everything was fine that night. When you really think about it, when the night wines down and everyone has been on drugs the whole night you will tend to notice everyone else coming down physically alongside the night sky. It can be a good time to tell guests to leave or a great time for someone to suggest a re-dose. Either way it sounds like drugs may have been the intention of the party more so of having an event where you got together socially. Maybe next time you should set up some events at the party, perhaps some games, that may occupy the social side of the guests minds, including your own, which will make the night rather than the focus being drugs.

-dp

 

[ad lib]

Isn't it weird how we torture ourselves? Your thoughts are not helping you here but you can change them. While it may be good to learn from your experience (you didn't expect or want to be quite that high) now you can move on and let it go. Holding onto it and worrying about it can produce nothing useful. If you feel a sense of paranoia creeping into your relationships with other people it is a good time to try to clear your head of those thoughts and just be proactive with the friendships themselves. Do things for your friends. Make arrangements to interact and keep in touch in casual ways. Nurture the friendships and yourself and I think you will start to feel better.

This is all very sound advice.

Since this is in the past, the most that you can do now is learn from it and move on. Like herbavore said, try and be proactive with your friendships. Also, you can try and use this as a learning experience. In the future, you know to stop if you feel yourself getting past your self limits.

Have your friends made any comments to you about this past weekend? If they are your true friends, they will understand that you were just way over the influence of drugs and should not judge you for your behavior. If they do -- you don't need people like that in your life. Most of us have been there at least once. I know I certainly have, and the next day, nothing changed. I still had my friendships and everything was okay. I just learned from my mistake to not let myself get "too high".