swilow
Bluelight Crew
I think a lot of people (well, I hope I'm not alone here) have certain ideas, almost like totems, which they reach for in times of crisis, either spiritual, existential, mental, physical, etc. Things that get you through the night. Things that are like a light in the darkness. They may be small things and usually are, but they usually have a strong personal resonance, and to the observer, can explain a lot about an individuals inner world.
One of mine is the Pale Blue Dot photograph, which serves two almost contradictory purposes. To me, this makes all my personal suffering and grief (and, believe me, my life so far has run utterly rife with this stuff) fade. In the midst of drug withdrawal, in pain and fear, the idea of the smallness of earth, the smallness of me, the smallness of my own pain, has enabled me to keep moving, knowing that the pain, whilst it feels enormous, is only so to me and my narrow awareness. Wasting my time dreading the pain and avoiding it is pointless; it would be the same being on fire and not walking those 5 steps to the ocean for fear of burning the sand. The pain is still painful, but meaningless and truer because of that.
THE SECOND PURPOSE OF THE PALE BLUE DOT-
Looking with horror back over my life and with no idea how to make things work, and with a fatalistic WISDOM that my existence never will work, that its too difficult, and I think of how my life, though small and meaningless, is my ONLY life ever, no dress rehersals, this is it right now and its worth going to the uptmost extremes to preserve and fulfil. Its all happening in the blink of an eye on a rock that might very well not exist anywhere else, and this fragility and pregant possibilty makes me keep going and moving onwards and upwards
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"- Oscar Wilde. Thats what I am doing, what I have always been doing.
Music is a great totem. I find that you can almost imprint certain music with meaning; for example, Infected Mushroom- Elation Station allows a total sensory recall of some of the most poignant experieces I had, at a moment in my early twenties when I myself was hope incarnate
; falling in love, expanding my mind, caring for people, being cared for, facing the dark world- this song has given me hope because, in the blackest days of no hope, I've been able to recall times when everything was okay; and the memory of hope and peace has born the RAMPANT DESIRE to return to these times, and inspired me to make my life good again. Its not there yet, but it will be, I know it; it was once, and therefore, it can be again.
Lastly, my spiritual totem; though I believe all of these comforting things have spiritual roots, this one is a painting by indigenous australians in a cave in Kakadu (Australia). It looks like a 8 armed beetle or alien creature, though I've never reasearched what it really is. I first saw this painting when I was about 13 and I remember hearing a though "Yeah, we've definitely been here before" and this experience was deeply mystical, the strongest spiritual experience I've ever had and almost the most alien; the thought I had didn't orginate in my own mind, but it sort of thought itself. It was as if for a moment, I was actually thinking in my own mind with the depths of wisdom held only in the collective unconscious or a product of the Demiurge. I felt like my awaresness had brushed against the awareness of another sentience and I had felt at home there. I no longer felt lonely and looking at this painting enableds me to relive this experience, albeit in a much lower degree of intensity. Since then, all of my own peak spiritual expereinces either though psychedelics, meditation, ceremonial magick or gnostic ritualism have been unwittingly imprinted onto this picture (or me onto it?). It is a source of strength and wisdom that I will always cherish because it doesn't seem to fade.
Anyhow, I've written an awful lot, but I would love for people to share any of their own totems. Some of these things are contagious and point to an underlying common nature behind all of life and, if such things can truly help us in dark times, they are worthy of being shared, discussed and put to use. Peace...
One of mine is the Pale Blue Dot photograph, which serves two almost contradictory purposes. To me, this makes all my personal suffering and grief (and, believe me, my life so far has run utterly rife with this stuff) fade. In the midst of drug withdrawal, in pain and fear, the idea of the smallness of earth, the smallness of me, the smallness of my own pain, has enabled me to keep moving, knowing that the pain, whilst it feels enormous, is only so to me and my narrow awareness. Wasting my time dreading the pain and avoiding it is pointless; it would be the same being on fire and not walking those 5 steps to the ocean for fear of burning the sand. The pain is still painful, but meaningless and truer because of that.
THE SECOND PURPOSE OF THE PALE BLUE DOT-
Looking with horror back over my life and with no idea how to make things work, and with a fatalistic WISDOM that my existence never will work, that its too difficult, and I think of how my life, though small and meaningless, is my ONLY life ever, no dress rehersals, this is it right now and its worth going to the uptmost extremes to preserve and fulfil. Its all happening in the blink of an eye on a rock that might very well not exist anywhere else, and this fragility and pregant possibilty makes me keep going and moving onwards and upwards
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"- Oscar Wilde. Thats what I am doing, what I have always been doing.
Music is a great totem. I find that you can almost imprint certain music with meaning; for example, Infected Mushroom- Elation Station allows a total sensory recall of some of the most poignant experieces I had, at a moment in my early twenties when I myself was hope incarnate
; falling in love, expanding my mind, caring for people, being cared for, facing the dark world- this song has given me hope because, in the blackest days of no hope, I've been able to recall times when everything was okay; and the memory of hope and peace has born the RAMPANT DESIRE to return to these times, and inspired me to make my life good again. Its not there yet, but it will be, I know it; it was once, and therefore, it can be again.Lastly, my spiritual totem; though I believe all of these comforting things have spiritual roots, this one is a painting by indigenous australians in a cave in Kakadu (Australia). It looks like a 8 armed beetle or alien creature, though I've never reasearched what it really is. I first saw this painting when I was about 13 and I remember hearing a though "Yeah, we've definitely been here before" and this experience was deeply mystical, the strongest spiritual experience I've ever had and almost the most alien; the thought I had didn't orginate in my own mind, but it sort of thought itself. It was as if for a moment, I was actually thinking in my own mind with the depths of wisdom held only in the collective unconscious or a product of the Demiurge. I felt like my awaresness had brushed against the awareness of another sentience and I had felt at home there. I no longer felt lonely and looking at this painting enableds me to relive this experience, albeit in a much lower degree of intensity. Since then, all of my own peak spiritual expereinces either though psychedelics, meditation, ceremonial magick or gnostic ritualism have been unwittingly imprinted onto this picture (or me onto it?). It is a source of strength and wisdom that I will always cherish because it doesn't seem to fade.
Anyhow, I've written an awful lot, but I would love for people to share any of their own totems. Some of these things are contagious and point to an underlying common nature behind all of life and, if such things can truly help us in dark times, they are worthy of being shared, discussed and put to use. Peace...
