The long haul with opiates

[Odd6iX]

So, this is my first post. I have been reading BL for months and really enjoy the positive reinforcement. I'll try to make my story short and sweet. I had ankle surgery after a snowmobile accident 2 years ago. I had messed around with Vic's a little before that as I was also in 2 pickup truck roll overs. I've always liked the feeling of opiates (who doesn't right?). Anyways after about a year my ankle pain had subsided. Mind you my doctor didn't give me much for painkillers. Enough to last a month although he said I wouldn't feel normal for at least a year. I walk on concrete all day. I own a auto body shop. I went to the streets to get the pills. Oxys, Vic's, morphs you get the picture. So about 3 months ago I opened up to my family and told them about my addiction. They are very supportive. So I went clean after that for a little over a week and then relapsed. I was taking anywhere from 50mg to 200mg a day. I no longer have the financial stability to keep this habit and taking the pills just to ward off the wds seems really pointless to me. So I'm starting all over again with getting sober for good this time. I started tapering down a week ago taking 5-15mg a day still feeling like crap at that dose. Yesterday and today I took 5mg a day and am looking to do the leap now. I took some lope today to get through work as I can't take time off. I can get through the physical stage, it sucks immensely but definitely do able. Any suggestions on how to battle the mental aspect in the long run? I've seen posts of people getting off 600mgs a day and I couldn't even imagine that. I used for recreational purposes also. I set myself up to see a counselor once a week and wondering if anyone here has went to counseling and if it has worked for them? My insurance covers it so that's not a problem.

Sorry for the novel as long as war and peace. Any input would be greatly appreciated! Thanks guys and I love this forum!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Do you have any kind of sober support network outside of a counselor? How about a trained licenses clinical therapist to work with, they are almost always much better in terms of professionalism and whatnot than drug counselors (though there are lots of shite therapists out there too).

I find meditation to be very, very helpful. There are lots of great resources out there (there is a link at the bottom right of this post in my sig to a sticky I've been working on about it all).

Creating more sober social capital is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. You don't necessarily need to associate yourself with just abstinence only groups, there are lots of sober minded people out there you can find for yourself who can help you gain the skills you need who'd be happy to help support another genuine human being on the road to success who don't rant and rave about how drug use is gonna kill you.

 

[Odd6iX]

Have you done meetings? Did they help? I'm strong willed and going to beat this I just have to choose my right path.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I found 12 Step culture to be way too dogmatic and stifling when it came to my sense of individuality in early recovery, so I don't necessarily recommend those - some day find them helpful though. I find Refuge Recovery and Against the Stream meetingso to be much more helpful. Lots of amazing community that is much more supportive when it comes to celebrating the diversity of personalities among those in recovery.

 

[Odd6iX]

That's kinda where I'm at. I have a couple people in recovery that want me to go to these meetings and the other one is really pushing in patient treatment. I don't do well with any type of authority or people telling me what to do. It's just who I am.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I hear ya. I'm sure they mean well, but I don't appreciate push recovery types at all. One of the most important things our loved ones and friend can do for us when it comes to supporting our recovery is to ask us what we really want for ourselves, to help us come up and then encourage us to achieve our own personal goals for our early recovery instead of just imposing what they think is best for us, which can be super paternalistic and unhelpful.

I'd suggest making sure you are open with they people about the fact that you realize you need their support, but that the way they are currently supporting you in telling you what you need to do makes you feel uncomfortable and is thus center productive to actuallyou promoting your recovery. Explain to them how what theyes are doing makes you feel, how their suggestions and behavior affects you, how it makes you feel, as opposed to telling them that they are wrong outright or fighting with them about it. How they respond to you expressing your needs is then on them.

 

[Odd6iX]

That's a great reply. I definitely appreciate their help. It's hard because one was an alcoholic and the other used uppers so it's hard to relate kinda.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I figured. Happy to help!

 

[crazybollweevil]

Judging on how much you've adjusted your dose in a short time, i think you have the grit and fortitude to push through PAWS really well. It will be uncomfortable but it is only temporary. I remember having terrible memory and cognition issues after getting clean from years of benzos, and just as i was starting to accept that i had made myself retarded, i began to sharpen up and get some confidence back. There is no denying its a fucking struggle, but you'll see it through.
I've also gotten off of years of opioid use, so i can relate to that very well. I found pushing myself to be as active as i could stand, sleeping a lot (without feeling guilty-key), and losing as many obligations and responsibilities as i possibly could all helped get me through. Good time to start a new hobby, put the energy getting high into something more productive.

 

[Odd6iX]

There is always things that can be done. I can't believe how well this lope is working out. It's been well over 24 hours since I took 28mgs of it and I still feel pretty good. I've got a meeting with a counselor Thursday morning because I really dont know what I am. Do I think I'm chemically dependent? Maybe. But I can have a beer or 2 and stop and be just fine or maybe a hit of pot and that's it. I liked the high from the opiates so much that nothing else appealed to me. I heard this guy is really good to talk to and I kind of want a professional opinion. Do I feel like I can do it hell yeah! I'd do just about anything to not be locked up for 30 days and pay 35k to do it. Each day I wake up and say just for today I'm going to be sober and fuck it's working.