The desire to take drugs

[Jamo]

This isn't so much of an addiction thread (or maybe i'm just kidding myself) but more of a how to cope with the desire to take drugs.

I have a good job, a lovely partner and a one year old son, I met my partner 3 years ago and before we met, I was taking different substances only at weekends, mostly MDMA, Coke and Speed.
My partner loved coke and had been using it regularly for a few years. She was with a dealer before we met and got it for free. He got convicted, we met a week later but interestingly the only drug we have done together is smoking weed.

I had lost interest in drugs altogether aside from smoking cannabis until I found Mephedrone. I loved it at first and was able to limit myself to a certain amount in a night, then get to sleep and be reasonably ok the next day.
That lasted for a few months (one night a week, usually Friday) until I wasn't able to control how much I was using, I would keep going through the night until I had nothing left. I even took it during the week a few times, and hid it from my partner.
This is when I started to lie and hide my use, she was quite tolerant to it.
When I was awake all night and not sleeping at all I felt like death, I had to keep awake as my son usually woke up about 10am back then.

Mephedrone got make illegal in the UK around April, I hadn't used it since then until Saturday night. I was able to control myself in that I didn't take everything I had but I exceeded the limit I had set for consumption and bed time.

So anyway back to the main point of this post, I'm lying to her and doing things without her knowledge (Buying and consuming) and I don't like it. I don't feel like I can control myself if I have drugs in the house. I'll be fine and at ease if I know the exact time i'll be next getting high.
Of course the simple thing to do is stop buying them, But I enjoy it, a lot.
On Saturday night, I didn't get to sleep and had work at 08:30 and really felt bad, so bad I told her I never want to take drugs again, But today i'm feeling better and the thoughts are with me again.

Has/is anyone in a similar situation and how do I control this.
All I seem to think about is getting high, I'm constantly on Bluelight and researching new research chemicals and thinking about the next time.

 

[madswagga]

i feel you brother, at my young age ive already had my rounds with assorted drugs, moving on to whichever im in the mood for or whatever is readily available. lately its been turned down to where i only smoke pot daily, but still end up doin my fair share of pills or psychedelics (at least ahard nightonce a week, usually more). ive been exploring meditation therapy, really get a nice relief when i finish.along with exercise seems to help, but it all comes down to some underlying cause. i get anxious so i smoke pot, but what explains the weekly indulgences in the others- i have noclue. theres just the urge, the wANT. sorry imnot much help figured id let ya kno you werent alone

 

[SpecialK_]

Confess to your girlfriend your habits and also consider what better alternatives there are to substances such as mephedrone. There are much cleaner substances that will provide a better effect, less or no comedown and no intense cravings. Just remember when it comes to things like this, it's really all in your head, you have to tell yourself to stop taking mephedrone when you have consumed enough as no one else can.