The Addict's Mind

i was having this conversation with my father last night. his thinking is that i went to rehab so i'm 'cured.' i tried explaining to him that if given the option i'd love to just lay on a couch all day and blow oxy but that's just not feasible if i want to finish school and all that. he couldn't really understand, asking me if i wanted to be clean. of course i want to be clean, but i also want to sit around all day and smoke oxy lol.
 
Never was attracted to drugs as a teenager...then I had to do some minor surgery...fentanyl and diazepam through my blood...that did it...fell into a wonderful state that was one of the happiest moments of my life...but never did IV since, and never will...unless I marry a doctor.
 
I def think opiates correct some kind of imbalance in my brain. I was always mad lazy and never had the motivation to do what i should be doing. Once I started using H, I was doing everything I wanted/needed to do and more. And when friends would take it and nod out, I'd be awake and alert with tons of energy and creativity. That's kinda why I don't like drinking, no motivation and creativity when I do, just haze. I too had a decent childhood, so it's all about self-medicating for me.
 
One of the intriguing thing about true "Addicts" is that they will take anything that feels good too far. I remember reading about Jeff Tweedy of the band Wilco, he had/has anxiety depression problems and developed an enormous addiction to opiate based painkillers. When he finally went to rehab and got off drugs he took up running as a replacement, within a very short period of time he ran so much that he had to have operations on his knees because he wore them out.

This always struck me as a perfect example of Addict behavior, first he was addicted to drugs which became unhealthy and began to interfere with his life, then he quit and got addicted to getting healthy and took it to such extremes that it still interfered with his life.

It reminds me so much of myself because I get addicted to things that are good for me and things that are bad for me, the common thread is that I always take it too far whatever it is. Lately I've been addicted to Protein Shakes, in the past I've been addicted to Orange Juice and taking long walks everyday, if I went a day without Orange Juice and a good long walk I'd almost feel like I was in some sort of Withdrawal.

The main reason I haven't been exercising lately is because I can't do it without getting really into it and doing it everyday, meaning I'll feel off all day if I don't fit it in some exercise one day. I should do it because it would be good but still it's hard to escape the addict mentality.

This is a good thread!
 
^^ yes!!! right on the nose. nothing is ever enough. always more more more. that's (one of ) the reasons that our relationships fail and get weird. when i fall in love, i'm a total romantic. completely obsessed and writing poetry all day... and then inevitably, i get called intense and crazy and the whole thing burns up... lol.
 
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