TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

[AutoTripper]

Woke up to suicidal thinking about if there were a gun here I might grab it and seriously think about doing it but I am not excited about it because I want a different life not to die miserably lol just lack the patience and motivation to make changes I know it is because I binged it already went away started my day alcohol free thankfully checking out support meetings this morning on Zoom

Hang in mate, if you possibly can, just second at a time. The old English phrase- Look after the pennies and the pennies will look after the pound!

Applies. To passing time. Shrinking the moment to a self controlled pause. Breathe. A second has passed.

Then second and breath a time, an hour, a day, a life.

But it still can always be a happy one. It's just so hard literally in this world, to know how to "choose" happiness.

I was myself lucky to keep my life since 18 hours ago and a cascade of events involving insane quantities of potent psychoactives.

I was lucky. I'm so thankful for that today. That somebody was here.

Otherwise I would have died yesterday.

That realisation, coming to with 6 hours lost consciousness, was distrubingly sobering to me.

Talk about shaking you up.

I took a lot of pure LSD since.

I've lost sense now sorry, but how to find the words I wish I could. To help you keep keeping on, like me somehow.

Easy it isn't. Impossible is a different matter.

 

[Blankenstein]

Woke up to suicidal thinking about if there were a gun here I might grab it and seriously think about doing it but I am not excited about it because I want a different life not to die miserably lol just lack the patience and motivation to make changes I know it is because I binged it already went away started my day alcohol free thankfully checking out support meetings this morning on Zoom

Stay strong friend! Chase the life you deserve!

 

[birdup]

I just wanted to pour my heart out a bit and say this. It's a bit embarrassing because I was in a bad place and I sound like a preacher, but shit gets better. It really does.

If you are suffering, I love you.

I have always loved those on the other side of the fence.

Fuck the norms. If you want a bit of support, send me a message.

I am here for you, seriously.

There was a time when I needed someone and I didn't have anyone.

I'd love to be that person.

Hit me up.

 

[dragonix]

So the other day I was entertaining suicidal thoughts at work on a shift but felt ok physically despite the negative headspace I fell into the day after a binge goes away once binge ends for so many hour/days. i binged last night but was afraid for my life at work today somehow managed to make it home the chest sensation hit me again today afraid I would die but don't want to

Today I thought might die and am puzzled over what is causing chest pain and worry trying to learn more about vaping nicotine a brand like Juul disposable I have been on near daily for perhaps a couple months now might escape for a bit but not recently my gut tells me my poly use complicates my health condition now I have to worry about literally having a heart attack I swear I must have been saved from one I nearly fell and fought to stay conscious chugging water and following my breath deeply with each step

Reduced Risk of Heart Attack​

After just 24 hours of not vaping, the risk of having a heart attack begins to decrease.

A regular e-cig habit, according to at least one study, can double a person’s risk for having a heart attack.

 

[deficiT]

So the other day I was entertaining suicidal thoughts at work on a shift but felt ok physically despite the negative headspace I fell into the day after a binge goes away once binge ends for so many hour/days. i binged last night but was afraid for my life at work today somehow managed to make it home the chest sensation hit me again today afraid I would die but don't want to

Today I thought might die and am puzzled over what is causing chest pain and worry trying to learn more about vaping nicotine a brand like Juul disposable I have been on near daily for perhaps a couple months now might escape for a bit but not recently my gut tells me my poly use complicates my health condition now I have to worry about literally having a heart attack I swear I must have been saved from one I nearly fell and fought to stay conscious chugging water and following my breath deeply with each step

Reduced Risk of Heart Attack​

After just 24 hours of not vaping, the risk of having a heart attack begins to decrease.

A regular e-cig habit, according to at least one study, can double a person’s risk for having a heart attack.

Oh no, I'm sorry you're going through this :/

What kinda binge were you going on? Could it be like panic attacks or something that's causing this? I know panic can sometimes go hand in hand with depression.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I know panic can sometimes go hand in hand with depression.

I 100% agree with this. Whenever I am having severe anxiety and/or panic attacks, I often have suicidal thoughts along with it because of how fucking terrible and unbearable it feels. In those moments, it's difficult to endure, and it can be very hard to remember that the feeling won't last forever.

@dragonix with vaping, you have to remember that pure nicotine is a strong stimulant, so yes it is going to increase your risk of heart palpitations, chest pain, anxiety/panic attacks, and even heart attack. Plus I know from all of your other posts that you have been going pretty hard on lots of different substances. You have often mentioned though, that you don't actually want to die. What's it going to take for you to turn a new leaf and take better care of your body and mind?

 

[Nas47]

I hope myself for a "favourable" reincarnation, at least, or ideally something much better, easier and more comfortable, which doesn't involve me losing my memory in the process and starting as another blank slate.

But who knows? I definitely cannot and won't accept that our soul, life spark, consciousness is terminated permanently when we die in this, or any life.

That's just way too incongruous, wrong feeling in my gut, and phopilosphically illogical to me, but who knows?

I suppport legal euthanasia, with a very sophistacredly crafted system and process design.

I definitely don't support trying to throw guilt burdens on others, like the social stigma of being selfish as it is seen, and taking the easy way out.

I think in many cases, to a degree, we should have the free choice over whether we live or die.

Without feelings of life guilt and obligation to "go on" being subjected onto us and haging round our necks.

What was sang Lou Reed-life is just to die.Life is just for live....life is just to die....see sence in both sentences

 

[AutoTripper]

What was sang Lou Reed-life is just to die.Life is just for live....life is just to die....see sence in both sentences

I see it largely too, life is to live and learn.
Dying, seems to be an essential part of the process.

However I do consider that we may have been far less mortal a long time ago.

I grew up laughing at the seeming madness of even postulating that one could be immortal.

Now I look at history and ancient tablet records of King's ruling and such, hindreds thousands of years.

Either way I have to believe in the infinite.

 

[Nas47]

Yes in recent times they say people were live functional life a hundreds of years.But we are mortal beings also.So....nothing is static,everything change,everything pass and flow....i am awake now talking to you,after a couple of ours i will be awaiken in the dream world(hope so and sleeping in this world.....like the tides of the ocean come and go........

 

[VancouverSeedBank]

I can see some good advices. i don't suffer myself, but reading these responses makes me feel happy for those who need them.

 

[Foerock]

Noose is in my left pocket. Actually it has been in my left pocket for months now. Every time I shower and change clothes I transfer it to the new pocket. Don't want anyone to find it, and wanna always have it... just in case.

Just in case...

 

[AutoTripper]

Noose is in my left pocket. Actually it has been in my left pocket for months now. Every time I shower and change clothes I transfer it to the new pocket. Don't want anyone to find it, and wanna always have it... just in case.

Just in case...

Now this will possibly appear like the worst HR advice ever, but I think there is a degree of sensible planning in there. It's a coping mechanism ultimately. Not being commited!

Is essential here. By keeping it close, you are not conmitted to life necessarily.

And likewise. No binding legal contact (yet lol, wait 2.5 years maybe) which decrees that you must make proper use of said noose...

I manage supremely complex anxiety, panic. Can be psychosomatic too.

Feeling trapped is a theme. I try to keep access open. Anything could go down!

Expect nothing.

Just the moment for now.

And always remeber, moments do pass. Some are better than orhers.

The best moments too, CAN come AFTER the worst ones.

I'm in a bad moment mysel...atm lol!

It will change. It won't stay this level, unless it doesn't change this time.

For now, the formula is unrelenting mental strength. And everything else available within reach.

That is surprisingly the hard bit. The external. Dependance on the material world, especially comprehensive treatment and constant bio-hacking.

My mind, so far, has kept me on. The mind is something. An all out defyer of odds.

Also a prison at times. But even the inside of a prison, CAN be a great place.

 

[Nas47]

Now this will possibly appear like the worst HR advice ever, but I think there is a degree of sensible planning in there. It's a coping mechanism ultimately. Not being commited!

Is essential here. By keeping it close, you are not conmitted to life necessarily.

And likewise. No binding legal contact (yet lol, wait 2.5 years maybe) which decrees that you must make proper use of said noose...

I manage supremely complex anxiety, panic. Can be psychosomatic too.

Feeling trapped is a theme. I try to keep access open. Anything could go down!

Expect nothing.

Just the moment for now.

And always remeber, moments do pass. Some are better than orhers.

The best moments too, CAN come AFTER the worst ones.

I'm in a bad moment mysel...atm lol!

It will change. It won't stay this level, unless it doesn't change this time.

For now, the formula is unrelenting mental strength. And everything else available within reach.

That is surprisingly the hard bit. The external. Dependance on the material world, especially comprehensive treatment and constant bio-hacking.

My mind, so far, has kept me on. The mind is something. An all out defyer of odds.

Also a prison at times. But even the inside of a prison, CAN be a great place.

Heres a massive mortality.Covid kill whole families.Regret to have a jab.Such a possibility.Very ill.Attacked again.Insanity,depression and suffer.Need to escape for a while in a dream world.Took enough valium and bupe...dont know how,cause its homemade tincture.Going to sleep.Dont wanna be awake at all

 

[dragonix]

I understand enough about my suicidal tendencies to know I need to not binge today and go to meetings as binges lead me to the ideation of it and a blackness so dark and negatively abysmal it is all that seems appealing...annihilation and nihilism (never had a plan nor attempt) which is fantasizing about it but the rebirth for a suicide victim (karma is so intricate and often incomprehensible for a mortal I am speaking in general Buddhist terms as my vision is tinted by it) isn't pretty according to what I was taught while studying and trying to practice Buddhism & this piece of knowledge keeps me from thinking it is an escape. It's a doorway to pain beyond my wildest imagining I know now my beliefs are just that though how I view life and the universe I won't ask for a nod of agreement for them haha sry.

 

[AutoTripper]

Heres a massive mortality.Covid kill whole families.Regret to have a jab.Such a possibility.Very ill.Attacked again.Insanity,depression and suffer.Need to escape for a while in a dream world.Took enough valium and bupe...dont know how,cause its homemade tincture.Going to sleep.Dont wanna be awake at all

I have very severe Long Covid, nerve based since January. Major nerve and nerve ending damage. It's impacted me dramatically.

More in a very relative sense than Borrelia and that was it seemed a life destroyer.

I didn't say Covid doesn't, hasn't killed. Isn't real. It is.

It isn't what people believe/think/consider though. Not in a "shape" as such, but a "pattern" is closer.

We have one incredibly serious problem on our hands here nobody be thinking they can just be immune to this or get back to normal in any way.

I'm not living in fear over this I recognise that there is an agenda going on here involving technology and psychology that is more advanced than the majority of humanity is capable of imagining could be true and even for the most part capable of simply imagining and gaining a visual and practical grasp.

I am however taking the piss out of the way something which is being created is not being handled but used as a false flag while still being a very real astroid to instigate all sorts of meddling which is clearly not resulting in results basically or a solution.

Because these are not the solutions the solutions are to stop the cause which is not nature.

@Nas47 I am sorry for touching your nerve I'm not trying to offend people here I'm not lacking compassion for people who have suffered loss or suffered themselves directly or indirectly from Covid everybody in the world has suffered even my dog has suffered way more then she would have done had she lived 15 years ago she's been through serious trauma just being a part of this reality now.

This is spiritual warfare not some sudden leak out of a man-made thing accidentally because men don't actually make things like this from source they may serve as useful manufacturers somewhere down the line but they are now creators of this technology and scheme originally.

I empathise strongly with everybody on this planet even the cats I say even particularly or equally who I've seen my whole life starving on the street in a wretched state because humanity is such an ugly careless aloof amoral running riot causing so much pain and suffering and harbouring so much wickedness and pollution my whole life already...

I'm just trying to look at the bigger picture the real problem and the real solutions which are not being provided or offered because this is not about solutions it's the final solution I'm saying that genuinely normally I expect people to make a comment like I'm referencing this in sensitively but I'm not it's actually directly tied to the very same line and sequence and psychology.

This is extremism never witnessed before just so cunningly plotted and disguised and then- enacted!

Covid was enacted. The specific date is tbd. I just say March 2020 but realistically sooner.

 

[AutoTripper]

Heres a massive mortality.Covid kill whole families.Regret to have a jab.Such a possibility.Very ill.Attacked again.Insanity,depression and suffer.Need to escape for a while in a dream world.Took enough valium and bupe...dont know how,cause its homemade tincture.Going to sleep.Dont wanna be awake at all

If I misunderstood you as well my apologies I'm reading again and I do misread things at times recently because these are the most intense times ever trying is the word and also learning just how high the bar can actually go!

It's astonishing really the jump that can be made in circumstances at times.

I just wanted to make it clear exactly where I am coming from on this from personal experience and strong belief and passion about this whole thing as well without any absence of empathy or care for another soul except I'm not losing sleep over the wicked suffering neither do I wish any pain upon them I just want them to stop their wicked ways or leave!

 

[AutoTripper]

Heres a massive mortality.Covid kill whole families.Regret to have a jab.Such a possibility.Very ill.Attacked again.Insanity,depression and suffer.Need to escape for a while in a dream world.Took enough valium and bupe...dont know how,cause its homemade tincture.Going to sleep.Dont wanna be awake at all

Actually I think I may have just tripped myself out because I was thinking I had made a very different post or two here which were not even on Google just freshly.

I am sorry if my post therefore is just plain confusing to you above. Absolutely as well I'm really sorry for your mental and emotional pain currently it's hard to find words which don't appear superficial these days I mean I know hardship and suffering and pain I paint both a dark and strangely rosy picture but it takes incredible mental strength and hard work and spiritual depth.

I really wish there were some words which would work like a one but you just can't do this sort of thing over the Internet in person I feel you can help people.

I can. Online is so cold and empty. It's through A.I.

 

[Foerock]

I think there is a degree of sensible planning in there. It's a coping mechanism ultimately. Not being commited!

Is essential here. By keeping it close, you are not conmitted to life necessarily.

And likewise. No binding legal contact (yet lol, wait 2.5 years maybe) which decrees that you must make proper use of said noose..h

What you said there... that's cool. It makes sense. I've been crying for hours. My fists are so swollen from punching inanimate objects, my voice gone from screaming... but seeing some logic in this pointless world helps. Thanks,

I sure hope I never use it. But I'm a betting man and if I had to bet... well... let me just say I hope my expectations are wrong. Oh, righ,don't expect!

 

[AutoTripper]

What you said there... that's cool. It makes sense. I've been crying for hours. My fists are so swollen from punching inanimate objects, my voice gone from screaming... but seeing some logic in this pointless world helps. Thanks,

I sure hope I never use it. But I'm a betting man and if I had to bet... well... let me just say I hope my expectations are wrong. Oh, righ,don't expect!

This I believe is also at least potentially true and certainly has been countless times to us that no matter what you have been through or others have before it doesn't mean anything necessarily going forward it doesn't necessarily have to this is the incredible power of the mind and imagination and the healing we are capable of granting ourselves through realisation and appreciation and release.

And philosophy as well as psychology looking at life from different angles and saying okay let's say I did just for example take a teaspoon of caffeine powder which I have in my downstairs cupboard but I'm allergic to I've just happened to discover that just 1 teaspoon of that powder it's almost insured to be I'll say very harmful because I don't want to be a bad example but (perhaps I should delete that?)

It would not be very pleasant and there would be many better alternatives which people would already know about I'm really not actively looking to take such an approach my own would be starvation making peace with my self and life and my focus would be on basically trying to ensure that I was as physically comfortable and able to rest and pass time going into it because I fast a lot and I live on the edge of life physically battling allsorts of things which only I overcome by hacking the reality and finding Jumps for every hurdle continuously until now....

And a strange thing is how it has taught me a kind of appreciation for things like when you have put some hard work in to improve or save something it can improve your outlook a little so this is another reason why I try to just encourage that little angle or room for the unknown to be positive for all we know because otherwise we are being unrealistic and biased so it kind of has to be included anyway and what you focus on grows so that 1% Could become 99% in your reality in an effective way again this is the power of the mind it's science and I don't tout science although I do use it mentally but not so restricted in a material sense.

I mean I've done some incredibly crazy stuff myself I currently have broken ribs in my back after falling backwards into the bath tub last week after an accidental massive overdose of benzodiazepines I also after seeing a chiropractor yesterday had jammed the small of my back and diaphragm both of which were in spasm completely preventing digestion and elimination and I can't describe the week I went through just to survive I still managed to somehow take 1 mg of pure LSD on the weekend.

I also have a fractured right hand which was actually self inflicted but not in an uncontrolled way, week before.

There is so much more to the situation is indescribable just the last week nine days since the injury and I am astonished that I survived and have actually every chance of fully healing from this injury let alone everything that's happened in my 41 years so far this is just an example but has been the most difficult and testing time.

You see I'm putting so much incredible hard work into living yet I still have the very same view and ideology not a potential brash sudden checking out decision it would be more like euthanasia by starvation after making a very firm decision that the other ways are not viable enough I'm just looking to take the most viable way.

But I haven't given up yet and even when I thought I had I somehow came back and in my mind if I did give up tomorrow and my ashes perish into the ground within a month then that will be but it isn't yet and I am not as big as I feel to myself.

Time will pass and things can change even if it is only from within which is where it will be ultimately however that change comes about.

Well done for keeping going for a moment I know how hard it can be. For anyone I mean.

 

[Nas47]

Actually I think I may have just tripped myself out because I was thinking I had made a very different post or two here which were not even on Google just freshly.

I am sorry if my post therefore is just plain confusing to you above. Absolutely as well I'm really sorry for your mental and emotional pain currently it's hard to find words which don't appear superficial these days I mean I know hardship and suffering and pain I paint both a dark and strangely rosy picture but it takes incredible mental strength and hard work and spiritual depth.

I really wish there were some words which would work like a one but you just can't do this sort of thing over the Internet in person I feel you can help people.

I can. Online is so cold and empty. It's through A.I.

At this moment not understand much what you say....some kinda brainfog...fuck even no understand my own language now.Online is cold as hell.And be safe.