telling parents i relapsed but now am clean, break of trust

[takeitpersonal]

hey,

i used heroin for about two years. i spent last jan-sept back living at my parents (had a bit of mental breakdown) and was using throughout that time, they found out obviously. i said i would stop (and did, for the month of sept) then as soon as i moved away i started using again. i have kept this from them (i.e. "no no, i'm not using/i'm just wearing this shirt cuz it's cold"/hiding my track marks with makeup etc etc)

i only recently realised that using is a big fucking waste of time and money and "got it" re: drug addiction. i am a week clean (well, on subutex, been on methadone since dec last year but only as ran out of money, was using on top) and i don't plan on doing any drugs at all for a while. unfortunately, i went back to uni this year (after being off for a couple of years fucking around like a dick), and as i was using, have totally fucked that up. some people might be able to keep a life together on b, i just let mine fall apart as i feel great all the time despite my life going to shit. i have 6 weeks til exams, and will not be able to pass them all. i want to defer a few of them til august, and take a couple now that i will be able to pass.

obviously, they will ask "why you deferring your exams?" and it will be the elephant in the room that i was using again, as they aren't fucking idiots. a part of me thinks they must already know, but i think something would have been said. i don't know. being sober, i now feel a fuck ton of guilt about lying to them, because they only want whats best for me and lets face it, no parent wants a junkie for a kid.

my dad is visiting on friday, and i'm considering spilling the beans then. my question is, do you think this is the best course of action? taking all my exams now, i will do abysmally, so it will be obvious something was up, and deferring them will raise questions, so either way, it's going probably to come out.

i guess i'm just worried about their reaction, as i've lied to them before about using when i was living with them, and the look of betrayal on their faces hurt a lot.

thanks for anything you say.

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

Hey takeitpersonal,

Relapse is a part of recovery, I don't know anyone that can truthfully say they quit and never once fell of the wagon. . The only thing I'd suggest is being 100% honest with your parents. They will be hurt obviously, but they will also be relieved that you told the truth and are looking out for your best interests (in not wanting to fail your courses).

The question is, what are you looking to do between now and August? Are you planning on rehab/detox clinic or moving back in with your parents?

I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.

 

[Polluted_Mind]

I was in a similar predicament recently.

Basically was on Suboxone for a couple of years and got nothing done during that time, so quit cold turkey late last year, and parents were obviously really happy. Went back to university this year with a passion but when my parents came to visit 3 weeks ago (they live interstate so this is infrequently) and we went out to dinner. But that night before going to dinner I had the flu and was worried they would think I was not looking after myself so took a significant dose of dihydrocodeine knowing it would get rid of all flu symptoms.

This worked BUT since I hadn't had any opiates in a while it got me pretty fucking high. During dinner was constantly trying to hide it, but it's one of those things where the harder you try the more obvious it is. I thought I had gotten away with it but then when they were leaving they both said "take care of yourself" with stern voices (oh the shame!)

SO this is what I did: the next day I rang both up and talked to both individually and explained the situation for what it was and apologized profusely.

They seemed to respect me for doing that and I am still in the good books with them (actually probably better than usual as they think if you can be honest with them then it shows you actually want to change, which is true).

Personally if I was in your situation I would get a medical exemption from exams from a psychiatrist and focus recovery then SMASH the next semester and make your parents happy that way.

Good luck, it's a hard situation to be in but you can make it a lot better.

 

[takeitpersonal]

The question is, what are you looking to do between now and August? Are you planning on rehab/detox clinic or moving back in with your parents?

I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.

i am currently getting treatment from a drug clinic (i'm in the UK, free thing, get a "keyworker", get prescriptions etc etc) and thats fine, i want to come down and then off the subutex. i want to stay where i am over summer, get a job, and just do that and study. i have no plans to go away or anything. i have a meeting today with my keyworker so will talk with them about it.

thanks for your replies guys.

 

[tripnotyzm]

Hey!
As re-dist already stated, relapsing is a part of the healing process after an addiction of sorts.
Don't beat yourself up too much about it. You are obviously striving for a better life, try and maintain some focus and determination against the drugs..
I think breaking the news to your dad would ultimately be a good thing. As you said, you have worked up quite a guilty conscious by hiding these issues from your parents.. Perhaps spilling the beans will benefit your feelings. I know no parent wants a drug using kid, but they are your family. If you can be honest enough and truly show how passionate you are to clean up, maybe they will approach the situation with a more open, supportive mind..
So, you feel that you cannot sit these upcoming exams, and you may have the opportunity to postpone them until later in the year.. Well, I would be postponing them.
Its tough, and very distracting, trying to battle exams when you are also battling addiction on the side.
I know things can get better for you, man.
Don't give up.

 

[Mass08]

Does your school offer medical leave? I've left my university twice with medical leave. They hold the money you paid for the semester and apply it for whenever you come back.

 

[herbavore]

As a parent I can tell you that when my boys were honest everything in the world was better. Trust is essential in families and it goes both ways. One thing that you may consider doing is asking your parents if they would consider having a family session with an addiction specialist. Often the worst mistakes I made as a parent came from a lack of understanding of the nature of addiction.

The other perspective that you have to take into consideration is that the place that your parents are operating from is terror; they are afraid for you. The impulse to try to control comes from their terrible understanding that they have absolutely none at all about the most precious relationship of their lives. Be gentle with them.

As far as school goes, I agree with others that are advising extensions, leave, whatever it takes. You need to concentrate on beating this--else school will mean very little--so that should be your first priority. You can go to school at any age, take however long you need to take. Getting healthy in mind, body and spirit should come first before anything else.

 

[neversickanymore]

Honesty is ALMOST always the right policy and in this case i think it is for sure. Just be up front and honest, tell them whats been going down and what steps you have taken to address the situation, depending on their familiarity, informing them of subs, how they work.. including the narcon. Good luck with the classes you keep as well as recovery.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I agree that honesty is the way to go. Perhaps you can try to frame the conversation in a way that they might be able to understand better, like explaining why you were afraid to tell them and maybe it can be turned into a positive, in that in the best case scenario they might really want to understand and to change some of their behaviour to make you feel more comfortable being honest with them in the future. You could also explain what you have learned about yourself and your addiction that you didn't know before, so as to decrease worries that the same thing is just going to happen again and you're going to lie to them about it again. You could explain the ways in which you are working on things. Ideally the conversation could go in a way that instead of them concluding that they can't trust you and they just need to be better about preventing you from using drugs or catching you next time, that they might instead think of the best ways that they can truly help and support you, in the ways that you want to be helped/supported. Does that make sense? Of course I have no idea what your parents are like or what your ability to communicate with them is like, just trying to explain some potential good that might come from telling them. It could be a weight off your shoulders as well. I know that being able to talk openly to my mom about my recovery has really helped me.

 

[takeitpersonal]

thanks for the replies. i spoke with them and it went alright, they kind of expected/suspected something to happen. i am deferring most of my exams hopefully too. two weeks clean now.

i guess this is goodbye, as i don't find it constructive being on this website any more, thanks though.

 

[herbavore]

Best of luck. I have the utmost faith that with support and your own integrity that you can beat the addiction. Congratulations on taking care of yourself.

 

[Bob Loblaw]

^Hope all goes well for you; glad to hear nothing catastrophic happened heh . Come back if you need anything!