Tapering/Detox/Help Me

[ladyH]

Hello,


I am new here and slightly desperate.


I have been snorting heroin for almost a year now. Obviously what started as an occasional habit now completely controls my life.

I currently use a .3 about every 2-3 days. Less than that if I decide to binge out.

Over the summer I went through 24 hours of pure agony and hell when I ran out while on vacation. I have actually never experienced pain like that along with huge waves of hot and cold chills. I literally thought I was going to die. I was using a lot more then though than I am now.

I began cutting back after that and have continued to try and do that but I am terrified of what quitting entails. I can go almost 20 hours before I really start feeling like I just cannot function normally. I have hidden this very well and consider myself a "functioning addict". I work full time weekend 12 hour shifts and I am a single parent of 3 children ages 11 9 and 2 so I honestly have no time to be sick. I also have been nervous about seeking out any sort of professional help for this because I don't want my children to be taken away from me or any form of legal action or process to be started or brought against me. I suffer from terrible depression and anxiety which led to my using in the first place. I did however recently receive a prescription for 50mg Zoloft (about 2 weeks ago) in hopes of helping my mental state.


What would be your best advice to me as far as weening and reducing WD symptoms? I don't feel like I have a whole lot of options. I feel trapped and scared and lost and I just want to live a life where I am not controlled by this any longer. I want to remember who I am. Sorry for such a long post I just felt it was necessary to get it all out in hopes of finding some real, solid helpful advice.

Thank you all!

 

[Jabberwocky]

well done on reaching out.

it is very difficult to taper on street heroin because the purity varies so much. also if you're in the US it may/may not be laced with fentanyl. this is part of why maintenance therapy is useful for tapering, you know what you're getting. i understand your concerns about that. going to a clinic won't result in legal action, but it may get social services interested in your kids, which would be a lot of hassle (i doubt they'd be taken away if there's no neglect). could you maybe at least switch to something more likely to be a reliable dose? something in pill form, and ideally not a knock off? it is possible to taper from opiates completely painlessly.

can you go to any mutual support groups like NA or SMART? They may have good information for you that's specific to your area, and have really helped me in my journey out of addiction.

another life really is possible.

 

[Lucy20]

Just try to space your hits further apart and as hard as it is try using just enough to not feel like crap.
Clonidine and benzos help but use benzos onky as needed for sleep.
Have you thought about a quick tapper using pills or subs?

 

[ladyH]

Just try to space your hits further apart and as hard as it is try using just enough to not feel like crap.
Clonidine and benzos help but use benzos onky as needed for sleep.
Have you thought about a quick tapper using pills or subs?

I've thought about it but don't know how to get them

 

[ladyH]

T

well done on reaching out.

it is very difficult to taper on street heroin because the purity varies so much. also if you're in the US it may/may not be laced with fentanyl. this is part of why maintenance therapy is useful for tapering, you know what you're getting. i understand your concerns about that. going to a clinic won't result in legal action, but it may get social services interested in your kids, which would be a lot of hassle (i doubt they'd be taken away if there's no neglect). could you maybe at least switch to something more likely to be a reliable dose? something in pill form, and ideally not a knock off? it is possible to taper from opiates completely painlessly.

can you go to any mutual support groups like NA or SMART? They may have good information for you that's specific to your area, and have really helped me in my journey out of addiction.

another life really is possible.

Thank you for your response!

 

[Larimar]

Just get it over with and go thru the few days of restlessness and feeling crummy and bitchy. Get some Imodium , sleeping pills , hot baths:showers and someone to watch your kids for a few days .
if you get on subs or methadone that will be on your medical records , so unless you can buy from a friend it’s not worth it and it’s just replacing your addiction , you will still be chained toit to get by .

 

[Larimar]

I came off 40 mg a day OxyContin while still going to work and running my house ; now i felt exhausted , a little short tempered but I made it thru; just told my kids and people at work that I must be getting the flu or something . The nights are the worse but it will end and eventually you will start to have better days and be back to normal .

 

[Jabberwocky]

just going through the pain of the initial rattle doesn't work. i've got to day 3 of a rattle 30 times. it took rehab and destroying my life completely to get any long time clean. because i didn't know there was more to stopping using drugs than stopping using drugs. i didn't know i was masking severe PTSD, i didn't know we take drugs addictively because they are doing something important for us, and that without addressing that underlying need, i had no chance of staying clean.

thinking i should just be able to do a rattle and stop made me hate myself when i couldn't stop. i'm glad it worked for you larimar, but i think people who are able to just stop with no psychological help are the exception rather than the rule.

 

[somnilicious]

just going through the pain of the initial rattle doesn't work. i've got to day 3 of a rattle 30 times. it took rehab and destroying my life completely to get any long time clean. because i didn't know there was more to stopping using drugs than stopping using drugs. i didn't know i was masking severe PTSD, i didn't know we take drugs addictively because they are doing something important for us, and that without addressing that underlying need, i had no chance of staying clean.

thinking i should just be able to do a rattle and stop made me hate myself when i couldn't stop. i'm glad it worked for you larimar, but i think people who are able to just stop with no psychological help are the exception rather than the rule.

Yeah... Day 3 of a kick is nothing. It's 30 days post kratom and I still can't sleep. What's referred to as PAWS but is really just extended withdrawal is what always kicks my ass and the longer one uses opiates the longer and worse that portion of recovery gets.

That's why so many people relapse. It's not like your back to normal in 3-5 days. The first time I came off of methadone and benzos my brain was still wrecked at almost a year.... You also have to add all the psycho-sociol problems to the bio. Staying clean is definitely the hard part.