Sunshine TAFE VCE Exam

[Pleonastic]

Got this emailed to me a while ago, but thought I might as well post it here cos it's pretty funny...

Sunshine TAFE VCE Exam
Shows the importance of adjusting questions to relate to the student.
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1) If Habib runs a kebab shop and is a taxi driver on weekends and earns $1,200 a week how much does centrelink give him for his unemployment benefit?
2) If Mahammad lowers his WRX 2 inches front and back and puts on stolen 18 inch zepter wheels how many inches has he originally lost from the stock suspension?
3) If Spiro boosts his turbo on his 200sx to 22psi and puts a chip to aggregate the turbo to 17psi on weekends, what pressure is exerted on the turbo if he puts another standard nissan turbo and runs the twin turbos only on saturday nights at chapel street?
4) If Mustaffa runs 10 km from the police in Coburg to Preston and steals a car and drives another 5 km to Keilor, how many kilometres has he travelled if he ends up hiding in Sydenham?
5) If Ahmed receives a $200 a week disability allowance from Centrelink and works with his brother as a builder and recieves a further $400 a week,and pays $10 a week for each of his 11 children for school, how much money does he have left to buy a smashed Torago from the auctions?
6) If mario's dad has his top 3 buttons of his shirt open and reveals 1 golden cross and 2 other golden ornaments, and has approximately 17sq cm of hair coming from his chest with an average height of 2 cm, what is the probability that the ornaments will be visible from:
2 feet away _________%
5 feet away _________%
100 Feet away _________%
7) If Soula needs 25ml of wax a day to get rid of her facial her, and Soula is only 19, how many mls will her mum need if she is 47?
8) If Bilal gets a haircut and gets a number 2 on the sides and number 3 on the top then goes back 3 weeks later and gets a number 1 all round, how much has his hair grown in 3 weeeks? (Assume that his hair grows evenly at a rate of 2mm per day)
9) If George has $12,000 and buys 2 smashed cars from the auctions how much will it cost him to fix them if Ahmed his friend from school is a panel beater and charges him Habib rates of $40 an hour?
10) If your Father normally buys 1 item of clothing a year. How many years must pass before he gets around to buying a second pair of pants?
11) If Shardi drives his family and his cousins all in one car from Keilor to Coburg how many round trips will he need to make if 40 of his relatives need a lift and he can put 12 people in his valiant at any one given time?
12) If Jimmy changes the oil in his fish and chip shops deep frier every 18 months and this costs him $400. How often should he change his oil if he wants to spend on average a total of $180 per annum on oil changes?
13) If Ahmed uses 1kg of bog to fix his smashed car, how many cans of spray paint will he need if hardware house is selling them for $9 each, and each can has 850ml and the ambient air temperature averages at 22.5 degrees celcius?
14) If Effie's mum sells her galaktoboureko for $2 a slice and she wants to make an extra 10% profit on each slice how many sheets of filo pastry will she leave out if filo pastry costs 62c a sheet and she normally used 17 sheets on each tray which she cuts into 16 slices?
15) If Julie Smith buys 3 slices of ham, 4 slices of devon, and 2 slices of chicken from the deli for her kids for school lunch, how many kilos correspondingly will Voula buy for her children?
16) If Sydenham ethnic community is increasing at 3.5% a month, and its overall popluation at 2.1% a month, at what rate are the aussies leaving?
17) If Con needs 3 razors a day to stay clean shaved how many razors will he need before he goes to the gym at 6pm?

 

[friskk]

For your amusement...
No offence to the people who reside in Lalor.
Lalor school exam
EXAM START
1. If Mario fits a monster tacho to his TE Gemini, how much quicker will it go down the quarter mile at Calder on Friday night?
2. If Stella (who is 26) is only allowed to go out for 8 hours on a weekend and on Friday night she goes out with her 14 cousins to Gamma Bar for 3 hours, how long can she go to Chapel St for a coffee on Sunday night?
3. Mohamed has 7 children and gets $600 a week from Social Security, if he goes to the TAB and puts half on a donkey in the 5th race at Flemington that's paying 22 to 1 because Ali says it's a fix, how many stolen car stereos does he need to sell when the horse fails to finish?
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4. Jim has just got a big payout from workcover for a bad back, does he:
A: spend the money on a holiday back home to Greece
B: use the money to renovate his Templestowe house
C: go to the casino and try to double it.
5. George is going to the Metro underage disco on Saturday, will he get in easier if he wears his Kappa tracksuit or his Adidas tracksuit?
6. Mario and his mates are going cruising down Chapel St on Friday night, how many stone chips will his car get if he doesn't fit his car bra?
7. How much quicker will Ali's VK commodore go if he fits the stolen VL turbo badge on it and shifts the number plate to the side so it looks like hes running an intercooler?
8. From how far can you hear Ricky Martin being played in Jims Valiant if he has just fitted 2 500watt amps and twin 15 inch subwoofers?
9. Milan wants to go to QBH on Saturday night, how many cousins does he need to take with him in case he gets thrown out and wants to fight the bouncers?
10. Steve's mates are going down to Rye for the day how much gel will he need to take with him if he goes into the water for a swim and still wants to look cool for the carnival later?
11. How many chicks does Jimmy need to say he scored on the weekend if he wants to sound cool to his work mates at Ford on Monday?
12. Spiro has got a big date on Saturday and wants to look ripped in his skin tight lycra top, how much will he need to bench press at the gym on Friday night?
13. Part A. Nicks 6 mates want to go down to Elwood in his VK Calais 5.0ltr, how much petrol money does he need to get off each guy if he's running a 3000rpm stall and 4.11 diff ratio?
Part B. If they cruise down to Dandi road how many times will they get called Mario's? Part C. On the way, how many drags will they have against XD Falcons?
14. Who should Maria go out with this weekend if:
A: George is a DJ and drives a Gemini
B: Mario works for his Father's concreting company and drives an XF ute with a big block
C: John who's unemployed but can get drink cards at Chasers
15. If Con works in a Fruit shop in Lalor how much overtime will he need to do to pay Ali the delivery driver for the hot 18 inch Simmons wheels he just scored?
16. Part A: Nguyen's parents just bought him a brand new Honda Civic, he has $2000 to spend on after-market parts for his car, what should he buy:
A: A full 4inch stainless exhaust with a turbo tip
B: 18 inch Auscar wheels and 25 series tyres
C: A rear nascar wing
D: A Mugen racing sticker pack
Part B. How many stuffed toys should he glue to the dashboard:
A: less than 10
B: More than 10
C: More than 20
Part C. How much quicker will the car go if he colour codes the mirrors, the brake rotors and wind-screen wipers?
17. Gino has 7 stocking garters hanging off his Gemini's rear vision mirror, how many more weddings will he need to go to until he can't fit any more on it?
18. If Giovanni chops the springs in his parents' new Falcon XR8, how many times a week will he get hassled by the cops if he puts 90% tinting on the windows as well?
19. How much better will George's stereo system sound if he puts an Alpine sticker on the back window of his bluebird?
20. Part A: Voula shares a room with her 3 older sisters, how much will she need to bribe her sisters if she wants to sneak out and go Silvers on Saturday night?
Part B: How many times a week does her father need to unblock the sink in the bathroom?
21. If Joe goes to the Whiskey bar every Friday and Saturday night for a month, how many condoms do you think he will need:
A: less than 10
B: more than 10
C: none because he won't pull a root
22. Rosa wants to upgrade her phone from an Ericcson to a Nokia because they are much cooler, which one should she go for, the 8250 or the 8210?
23. Its nearly summer and Guido, 19 is worried about the hair growing on his back, should he:
A: Shave it
B: Wax it
C: Get electrolysis like his sister
D: Leave it because his mates say chicks like hairy men
24. Pinas parents just bought a new lounge room suite how long does the plastic stay on it?
A. 1 year
B. 2 year
C. Never comes off
25. Mohammed wants to drop a burnout at Bell St Mc-Donalds, how many RPM will he need to get to before he drops the clutch if his fat cousin is in the back seat?
26. Part A. Mario is going to Heat on Saturday night, how tight will his new hipster pants have to be so the door bitch wont check his ID?
Part B. How much Pino aftershave should he wear?
27. Ali's friend just bought a pro stock Gemini that pulls 13 second quarters with a stock 1.6 ltr engine, how many gauges does he need to complement the 4inch exhaust he has just hose clamped to the old 1.75 inch
system:
A: 2
B: 3
C: 4 or more.
28. Part A. Khalid wants to look like a homeboy from LA, does he wear his cap backwards or forwards when he goes to Carousel Friday night?
Part B. How low does he need to wear his pants?
29. If Soula leaves school at 14 to be become a beauty therapist how long will she need to work before she saves enough money to go on a holiday to Greece?
30. How long does it take Fadi and his mates to strip a hot Subaru WRX?
31. If South Melbourne Hellas loses this weekend in the soccer, how many car windows will be smashed after the match?
32. Con and his mates are going to the Kick Boxing fight at the Casino, how many fights will they try and start in the line to Inflations afterwards?
Bonus Questions:
33. How many Holden Commodores are there in Lalor?
33. How many guys named Joe are there in Lalor?
33. How many guys named Joe are in Lalor that drive Commodores?
> END OF EXAM
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