Bupe Suboxone dependance with almost no prior opiate use. Need advice.

[Sampson024]

So basically Im new to the board and am looking for some personal experience. I very rarely use opiates, some Vicodin here a shot of dope there. But this was, as I said, an occasional thing. But some how I found myself with a suboxone connection. I actually enjoyed them and was doing the strips by route of needle. At most I would do a half of one (4mg) throughout the day, about 1mg i.v. then redose, normally rectally (yea yea say what you want) I find it to be the second best ROA. But see the problem is I did them on and off with no problems, then I decided a few days In a row would be nice since I had access. Roughly a week of 1-4mg a day of suboxone. And one of those days I waited about 36-48 hours and injected two bags of heroin. Then again waited about 12-24 hours and suddenly had a rush of depression and thoughts of using and I got on my phone immediately. Luckily I couldnt locate any suboxone. Slept that night and woke up the next day around 6 pm and was able to get a suboxone and a half. I i.v'ed about 1mg then this morning plugged about 1 mg because I knew Id be away and wanted to dose before leaving in case I got sick (might as well take it than regret it later) now its 2am and Im holding out as long as possible before redosing, hopefully a full 48 hours. Its been roughly 12. So Im trying to figure out how bad, if at all, my withdrawl would be, especially considering I am tapering fown to about .25-.5 mg every 24-hopefully 48 hours. But I just hate the opiate withdrawal depression its terribly strong but since that first flash and heart rush that throws me into a sudden panic out if nowhere, I have done everything in my power to avoid it. I feel completely fine otherwise but I'm scared that ill run out of suboxone and have weeks of mental depression, and i just cant handle that and I reuse to go to a doctor because I feel its not that bad. I just want to get off as easy as possible and forget about opiates forever. Everyone, everywhere I can find, says suboxone withdrawal lasts a long, long time. That of weeks or even months. Considering my very short use and rare use of opiates, Could it be possible I could stop all together and not have withdrawals? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Sampson024]

Update: I wasnt expecting this so soon but I suddenly got a wave of depression. Normally crying and strong depression from accidental overindulgence in heroin is the only way I feel like this except stronger and all at once and I always feel the need to contact my mother. This is terrible and I dosed .25mg rectally. I dont know what to do. I just want my life back and I dont want to be depressed and stay this way forever. I know this is a farfetched idea but I cant see it going away especially with all the accounts of people having these "waves" of depression lasting crazy amounts of time. And I dont want to stay on suboxone because I dont have the money for it and I dont have a steady source but mainly because I don't want to rely on a substance to be happy and to enjoy my life and to love my family. ill always love my family and cherish life but these waves of terrible emotions tend to make me irrational. But I never would commit suicide nor do I want to or even have thoughts of EVER doing so. But this is not my life and I refuse to let a drug make it my life. Please someone give me advice and help me when its not the middle of the night. I cannot deal with this depression for weeks at a time and don't understand how a shitty drug like suboxone can even make a person feel so bad. God Im not normally a particularly religious man but I need your help and anyone who is willing to listen.

 

[PKPro]

Unfortunately everyone's brain chemistry is different so its impossible for anyone here to give you 100% advice on how to beat it. Best route of action is to try and cop as many subs and work on tapering. Take as much as is needed to feel "normal" then stop. (if you get any sort of buzz at all you are doing it wrong) continue to do this while slowly tapering down until you can go every other day with a dose... it might take a couple weeks... it might take a couple months. It really varies between people, how much people use, tolerance... etc.

If you were on 4mg a day id suggest 1mg in the AM, and 2mg at night at first... if you can feel normal with less then do less, you'll thank yourself later on for doing so.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

How long have you been using opiates for daily?

 

[stray cat]

How long have you been using opiates for daily?

yea, it sounds like u might have only been using opiates daily for around a week? maybe i misunderstood, but if that is the case, imo you are worrying way too much. you would not have to worry about weeks or months of depression and probably would not have to worry about any physical withdrawal (assuming you have not previously been dependent on opiates). clarification please op?

 

[Sampson024]

Thank you so much for reading that book ;b but yea Id say daily use only about a week but almost daily use for about a week or 2 before that meaning 2 days on bout two days off then a day or two on then a day or two off. Very sporadic and Im going to try cold turkey because I know its easy to worry too much... But I know the feeling and I can identify it as opiate withdrawal, normally this comes from. 3-5 day binge on heroin and then about an hour of "oh fuck I'm soooo sad and want to die" then it subsides. This has been since this morning bot so bad Im assuming Because of my dose last night, the idiotic one. I decided I couldn't wait and just wanted this feeling to go away. So like i said I probably injected roughly a mg or 2 of sub last night. But I'm definitely feeling some sort of withdrawal for sure. But Im going to try and work through it, however bow I feel like I have to wait another 12-24 hours before the withdrawals actually kick in... Taking a step forward and two back. That right there is me being an idiot. Whenever these symptoms come again I plan to inject roughly .5 mg just to stave off the symptoms. But I am also hoping my IV use will make the half life shorter hopefully making the withdrawal worse yet not last nearly as long. Am I okay to think this or is this completely naive? I know everybody is different but there must be a baseline of info to go by or something, i don't know. Ive also heard suboxone doesn't cause withdrawals especially since I use it for pain and slight recreational purposes. Being as I cant find anything to help my foot pain that isnt a narcotic, I figured the one that I enjoyed and that put me in a good mood would be perfect. And Ive been known, same with my mom, so have hypersensitivity to drugs and alcohol and especially tobacco. So Im exercising a bit pushup situps and smoking some and I feel normal now. Maybe I am worrying too much but I cant get it off my mind. I feel like later itll just all of a sudden hit me and ill be fucked. For hours. Or even days?!? Internet stories definitely worry me a bit because I read and research so much. Everything saying suboxone withdrawal doesn't kick in for a few days, and that it lasts weeks and that Its a maintenance drug. I just want the damn stuff out of my system but I keep finding myself feeling the need to do the opposite!!

Thanks for listening anyhow. Hopefully I am just worrying for nothing.

 

[RTrain]

Yeah the depression sucks, but it doesn't sound like you are getting anything too bad in terms of physical withdrawal. Just stop, it won't be too bad and maybe try to find something to help with the depression, maybe some herbal antidepressant. Try to not dwell on it, keep yourself occupied if possible.

The longer you wait the worse it gets. Sooner or later you are in too much pain and too sick to care about the depression, then when the pain and sickness finally go you still got the depression and it lingers for longer than its will if you stop now.

 

[Sampson024]

So to answer you question though, yes in my life I have been opiate addicted if that affects brain chemistry. But if you're just saying it in terms of, was I addicted before using suboxone, then the answers no. So I didn't have an addiction I was adding to with the suboxone. However I used those two bags of heroin in the middle of my "suboxone week"so idk if that added to it. I have okay information and benadryl and am exercising but hopefully this withdrawal will just stay away. But the bit I beat last night with a shot, is probably going to come back I feel. Not just go away because I used some. I feel ill probably have to restart the whole withdrawal cycle again at some point. Most likely at night when I'm bored and cant discuss it with anyone.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

Doesn't sound like you've been using long enough and often enough to lead to any real withdrawal symptoms, or at least not serious ones.

You'll probably be fine. Just make sure you stop now, because if you continue to use, you'll only get more and more dependent, then be really screwed.

 

[Bruce Haze]

I am 20. My buddy gave me a strip that i hesitantly took .5 of. I had been playing with opiates for half a year before this spending all of my money on them when the SPORADIC connections would come through. About twice a week is what it averaged. NO dependency at all. The reason I had been toying with opiates is because I was anxious ALL the time and my quality of life was absolute shit because I was a hypochondriac thinking I had a terminal illness, and when I used it ALL went through that blissfully opened window.

So I took the .5 mg. felt great all day. Got home, had some pot so I took a tad bit more than the previous day and smoked with it, enjoyably. I did NOT want to get addicted to opiates. Kept on taking it for about a week, justifying, "oh, I'll be fine it's just one more day" HAH. We all know that line.

So after about a week I was just getting a habit formed. That's when I first thought about stopping. But I was low on weed and I had for the past week been spoiled every single day. Everyday I completely and absolutely dismissed the terrible quality of life that my own, anxious hypochondriac self, dying of tonsil, skin, and lung cancer with blood clots had. ALL IN MY HEAD OBVIOUSLY NOW. BUT so REAL then. Its seems so fucking stupid and I don't give a damn now. If i die, I die. I grew out of that thankfully. Sorry for getting off topic.

I decided to continue my use totaling about 12 days. I stopped to see what it was like, and compared to when I had to wait a few days for my connection and went 2 or 3 days without, after being on it for 3+ months, it would have been SOOOOO MUCH EASIER AT THE TWO WEEK PART BROTHER. I NEVER post on here man. But I've been an addict for 2 years. You can stop. Please don't justify taparing down unless its over a matter of two or three days, and I wouldn't even do that. If you are determined to taper then I would wait til you absolutely HAVE to dose, and take .5 ONCE and then stop, which sounds like what you did before whenever it was you went to work. Yes tapering helps but you have been toying around with it for for 2 weeks at most, and even if it was daily it is something you can be over in 2 weeks at MOST.

And it is not going to be like all those stupid horror stories. Please don't make the mistake I did by becoming addicted to opiates for 2 years at 20 years old, unwilling to quit, even at a .25 dose. In my prayers brother. Feel free to PM me. I don't look at this thing too often, but I will absolutely try my best to keep in mind to check it in case you do wanna message me. Remember that dragging it on, even a few more days, will make it exponentially worse since you haven't even taken it daily for two weeks. Just stop now. You will feel bad. But it will not last forever. You will not have PAWS (be depressed for a long time after, you won't be depressed at ALL after I would bet all my money on). I guarantee it will be over in 2 weeks, at most, if it even takes that long. I can promise you all that. Get some kind of Benzo like Xanax or Klonopin and CLONIDINE if you can. Let me know what you have access to as comfort meds that are NOT opiates (Obviously lol). Make sure you don't trade one addiction for another. But by what you have you have said I am confident you will not be a high risk for dependency using comfort meds. And the obvious NSAID of choice, Acetaminophen, Naproxen, or Aspirin. Keep yourself hydrated (LOTS OF AQUA) and eat soups and stuff that is easy to digest with the necessary nutrition your body needs. There is a big PERSONAL WITHDRAWAL ARSENAL thread which I would give a good look at to find out, if you haven't already seen it, if there is anything else that may help you feel more comfortable.

You should be able to watch Breaking Bad and Walking Dead, or if on the computer google The Shield. It is a badass addicting show where these 4 cops that make up the "Strike Team" bring justice to criminals but bend the law to make sure they get what they deserve when they try to outsmart them. Theres 8 seasons of it. If you've seen Breaking Bad and Walking Dead definitely google Project Free Tv and search "The Shield" on TV shows. No log in sign up or nothing, you just watch the it.

Its not going to be ANYWHERE near as bad as you think it will be mate, length or intensity wise. 2 weeks absolute worst case scenario, I'm thinking about 3-4 days of it being bad and you feeling better and better from day 4-7, slowly, and starting to feel like yourself over the 7th-10th days. If you say fuck it and just decide to become addicted, after about a year, if that long, of hunting it down on the street you WILL go to a doctor, after suffering from your people being dry randomly. I thought my connection would be steady and it was for 6 months, and for a stint there I had to go to the methadone clinic until I eventually saved enough to go see a Sub Doc.

My POINT is you NEED something to keep your mind off of, "I feel so bad, I feel so bad, I should have done this and it wouldn't be so bad, I feel so bad, I'm not gonna sleep, blahblahblahblahblah" I AM probably one of the worst kinds of people when it comes to that brother. I over-think and over-analyze things to the point of it just being stupid. Best of luck. PM me man. I will edit my post below here if I think of ANYTHING else you should know. You are in my prayers, and I have faith that you can knock this out.

Much love, Bruce Haze

 

[Sampson024]

I just realized you posted on here too. I thought it was just a pm. But thanks so much. Im feeling something coming on right now but I think its mind over matter. I usually think to much and make things much worse but right now I can feel it coming and coming more and more. And I ended up telling my mother about the problem. But shes sleeping right now as I do still live at home. Shes usually the only person who can even slightly make me feel better. I don't want to do anything rash and when I get like this all of a sudden my whole thought process is different and I change into a different person... Ive lost so many friends to overdose and suicide. And I REFUSE to be another victim to this BULLSHIT DRUG. Fuck opiates and all they're fake glory. That whole thread "should I try heroin" should be a joke... Yes it makes you feel good and yes it helps you escape your problems.... But it WILL take your life. I don't care if you think you're strong enough because the strongest man in the world could've said that, and even he would become addicted. Its a life ruiner and I hope nobody makes the same mistake. ITS NOT WORTH IT!!!!

 

[Sampson024]

Hahaha I totally sound like the mom off "Detroit rock city" XD ITS NOT WORTH IT hahahah but I figure Ill medicate a bit with some herb. And It makes it worlds better. Im a daily herbalist and it also unfortunately... Is needed to feel normal. Which actually no matter what anyone says, is a fantastic thing right now. Its substituting one addiction for another but I think its worth it most definitely. I smoke anyway and all this week I haven't really been. I mean a little but not nearly as much as normal and now Im heavily using. I think ill be fine at this point. I mean I shouldn't say that but even if I get another wave of shit feelings, I think I can get through it. Ill update tomorrow or soon tonight before I go to bed. Depending on when it hits me... If it does (; ... Knock on wood, but honestly if I could have just physical symptoms, being cold, tired, etc. and zero depression?! Id be flying high. Hahah Im not worried about physical symptoms Im just a sensitive lil pussy sometimes to be completely honest, oh well. Sometimes... Ignorance is bliss. I should remember this next time I feel the need to use my iPhone for everything under the sun XD anyway, thanks for all the help so far. Ill be back..

P.S. Hahah as if its a letter, I watch the series prison break... Its sooo crazy sometimes a bit unrealistic but its a really good series. Definitely recommend it. Its about a man framed for murdering the governors brother and the framed mans brother loves him and is his only family member left. So he goes to extreme lengths to get him out. Its suchhh a good show honestly. I still should finish breaking bad but I don't think its on Netflix(the last season) and someone already spoiled the story for me. I rant way to much. Anyway, peace brotha.

 

[mareseatoats]

Fearing opiate withdrawal and being emotional about it doesn't mean you're a pussy. Anyone who has been through it knows how you feel. It can really mess with your head, and it's not just your imagination. Like Scagnattie said-stop now, or those feelings of depression, fear and hopelessness are only going to get worse. If smoking helps you, more power to you. Just keep working on quitting. So you won't be trying this two years from now-when it most definitely will feel almost completely impossible.

 

[stray cat]

yea, op, i didn't mean to minimize whatever depression or whatever else u may be feeling, but for someone who has been addicted to opiates for years and years, has come off, has been maintained on suboxone for long periods of time, has come off, etc. ... i guess i wish i had to worry about the withdrawal i might get from a week of use. seriously tho, you are not going to get all those hardcore longterm buprenorphine symptoms u have read about lasting so longterm, when u have only been using it in the short term. i.e., u will not get weeks and weeks of w/d from a week of use straight, and u will def not get the dreaded suboxone PAWS!!@#$R from that usage either. (anyone who has abused substances longterm can expect a period of paws, it is their brain adjusting to, ugh, "life on life's terms".. it's not like suboxone has some hyper-paws other drugs don't have)