Can’t believe I’m writing this for a third time.
(Deep breath)
Was waiting on a guy to get me bars to help knock off my issues with subs and ice. Same guy I get my ice from. Go to his place says he has a lil bit of amps he can sell me but he is running low. But I’m on day 2 or 3 no sub and I’m swimming laps in my bed. With nothing but 2 vials of Kratom for the past 2 days that ain’t really cutting it but it helps. Eating clonidine to catch hour naps between chewin the nails off my fingers. This is just after making a trip to Sam’s club to get maybe a weeks worth of some nutritious ish food. Just before I go I find maybe a quarter of an 8. 2g sub. Do way too fucking much of it. Go there and he hooks me up with a half a bar and about 2 gs for some carpentry work and some other fuck shit. Tell him I’ve got money I’ll pay him says he don’t want it. Jacks some of my tools while I’m working, turns me out cause he knows I’m desperate. Texts me the next morning saying I left my xans there. I say nah, you gave me a half a xan. Said that’s all you had, hey you seen my tools? No response on the tools. I say I’ll come get the xans he said oh no those are from his headie. Text was a mistake. (He’s fucking with me). I’ve got nothing to say. Delete his number, call my only other connection, he just got burned by the cops. Tried to set up the other guy the night before but he denied his occupation. Smart move. Don’t think he is aware of his old friend who got burned. They don’t talk no more. I’ve got till the end of the month to move out. Got a detox on standby for the end of the month. But to get there I’ve got parts coming on Sunday to fix my from shocks, hubs, and bearings. Will probably be an all day thing and will most likely eat most of my supplies. The landlord is gonna start showing the apartment pretty soon, got it clean enough for viewings just gotta sweep and mop the floors pretty much. But I gotta keep it clean. While going through WDs. Fix my truck so I can get somewhere when I gotta roll. But if I can get this shit beat before the end of the month I can get back to work and make a move around here. The biggest dangers I face are Abusing Kratom and trading one addiction for another, or eating dirt and selling out to go get beat and robbed by the fucking dope man, and possibly not even served just ran in circles.
Here are my supplies, no street suppliers, might be able to get my hands on some amps but ain’t worth the effort, might get some crumbs at best. Another fuck boy.
Sorry, supplies.. I broke down 60 8 mg subs from new years until earlier this week, maybe end of last week. So i was 3 days off subs 2 days on day 1 1g. Day 2 .5g night time now waiting for sleep. .2 maybe .3 g sub left. 1/4th of a bar, 1.5 ish g of meth, .4 clonidine, all kinds of every fucking vitamin I can stock pile up, tyrosine, taurine, 5 htp, ashw, ltheanine, gaba, omega, fucking all of em okay, got 2.2 pounds of that asorbic whatever (vitamin c) inc tomorrow 48 tabs of 2g loperamide inc sunday (day after) a weeks worth of food, expecting guests, layed out of work till functioning. Truck parts come day after tomorrow, can’t work without fixing truck. I planned on trying to suffer through tomorrow until my car parts get here and suoping up to knock it out when they get here but that will probably eat all of my subs and maybe .3 of amps. To get to the day after tomorrow I’ll prolly consume xan and .2 clonidine. I mean…. Then I don’t have shit and I’m fucked. Have to keep the apartment clean. Act like I’m not fuckin dyin when the landlord shows the apartment or disappear. And….. idk. Not feeling very confident.
Am I fucked? Melatonin might offer mild support for some sleep. But like, do I even try? Or do I fix the truck and go eat dirt in hopes a sadist will help me get xans, and feed me dope till I can get to detox, or can I do it? Is there something I can get to make a feasible cocktail to get through? Is there a shot? Or not even a prayer? As for my character I am probably mostly related to the Tao. Not resilient, always choosing the path of least resistance. Self loathing Masochistic tendencies on a good day. But that’s because I’ve been isolating myself in my apartment for 6 months eating away at an 11 thousand dollar savings. Got one tight friend who will do what he can to ride with me. And a laptop on the way to hopefully occupy time playing league of legends. Definitely exercise and running as soon as that become a viable option.
Accepting any honest helpfully criticism, advice and wisdom. Pleas and thank you.
Please save this time.
(Deep breath)
Was waiting on a guy to get me bars to help knock off my issues with subs and ice. Same guy I get my ice from. Go to his place says he has a lil bit of amps he can sell me but he is running low. But I’m on day 2 or 3 no sub and I’m swimming laps in my bed. With nothing but 2 vials of Kratom for the past 2 days that ain’t really cutting it but it helps. Eating clonidine to catch hour naps between chewin the nails off my fingers. This is just after making a trip to Sam’s club to get maybe a weeks worth of some nutritious ish food. Just before I go I find maybe a quarter of an 8. 2g sub. Do way too fucking much of it. Go there and he hooks me up with a half a bar and about 2 gs for some carpentry work and some other fuck shit. Tell him I’ve got money I’ll pay him says he don’t want it. Jacks some of my tools while I’m working, turns me out cause he knows I’m desperate. Texts me the next morning saying I left my xans there. I say nah, you gave me a half a xan. Said that’s all you had, hey you seen my tools? No response on the tools. I say I’ll come get the xans he said oh no those are from his headie. Text was a mistake. (He’s fucking with me). I’ve got nothing to say. Delete his number, call my only other connection, he just got burned by the cops. Tried to set up the other guy the night before but he denied his occupation. Smart move. Don’t think he is aware of his old friend who got burned. They don’t talk no more. I’ve got till the end of the month to move out. Got a detox on standby for the end of the month. But to get there I’ve got parts coming on Sunday to fix my from shocks, hubs, and bearings. Will probably be an all day thing and will most likely eat most of my supplies. The landlord is gonna start showing the apartment pretty soon, got it clean enough for viewings just gotta sweep and mop the floors pretty much. But I gotta keep it clean. While going through WDs. Fix my truck so I can get somewhere when I gotta roll. But if I can get this shit beat before the end of the month I can get back to work and make a move around here. The biggest dangers I face are Abusing Kratom and trading one addiction for another, or eating dirt and selling out to go get beat and robbed by the fucking dope man, and possibly not even served just ran in circles.
Here are my supplies, no street suppliers, might be able to get my hands on some amps but ain’t worth the effort, might get some crumbs at best. Another fuck boy.
Sorry, supplies.. I broke down 60 8 mg subs from new years until earlier this week, maybe end of last week. So i was 3 days off subs 2 days on day 1 1g. Day 2 .5g night time now waiting for sleep. .2 maybe .3 g sub left. 1/4th of a bar, 1.5 ish g of meth, .4 clonidine, all kinds of every fucking vitamin I can stock pile up, tyrosine, taurine, 5 htp, ashw, ltheanine, gaba, omega, fucking all of em okay, got 2.2 pounds of that asorbic whatever (vitamin c) inc tomorrow 48 tabs of 2g loperamide inc sunday (day after) a weeks worth of food, expecting guests, layed out of work till functioning. Truck parts come day after tomorrow, can’t work without fixing truck. I planned on trying to suffer through tomorrow until my car parts get here and suoping up to knock it out when they get here but that will probably eat all of my subs and maybe .3 of amps. To get to the day after tomorrow I’ll prolly consume xan and .2 clonidine. I mean…. Then I don’t have shit and I’m fucked. Have to keep the apartment clean. Act like I’m not fuckin dyin when the landlord shows the apartment or disappear. And….. idk. Not feeling very confident.
Am I fucked? Melatonin might offer mild support for some sleep. But like, do I even try? Or do I fix the truck and go eat dirt in hopes a sadist will help me get xans, and feed me dope till I can get to detox, or can I do it? Is there something I can get to make a feasible cocktail to get through? Is there a shot? Or not even a prayer? As for my character I am probably mostly related to the Tao. Not resilient, always choosing the path of least resistance. Self loathing Masochistic tendencies on a good day. But that’s because I’ve been isolating myself in my apartment for 6 months eating away at an 11 thousand dollar savings. Got one tight friend who will do what he can to ride with me. And a laptop on the way to hopefully occupy time playing league of legends. Definitely exercise and running as soon as that become a viable option.
Accepting any honest helpfully criticism, advice and wisdom. Pleas and thank you.
Please save this time.
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