Mental Health Stuck in mediocrity

J-Gunna

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 8, 2020
Messages
3
Hey my fellow Blue light users and readers. I would like to to talk to you all and hear your feed back on something that has been on my mind for a while now amd that is the feeling of mediocrity (week to week living). About a year and a half ago I decided that I needed to change my life I was a IV meth addict I was in love with a woman bit wasn't ready to be a man because of my addiction. I had no job and no car me that woman and i where living day to day staying at a motel trying every day to come up with a way to get get 40$ so we could stay at this terrible motel. I was angry Andy when the drugs wore off and when I was high all I cared about was having sex and rapping. This endless cycle was just terrible and toxic. I was doing this for 3 years then one day I finnally hit rock bottom I lost the girl and I had nothing. So I finnally said in tired of not having anything. I went to a 4 month program and after I graduated I immediately started working. I was making $150 a day bit I was in a transition house and I could not have a phone .I was living with 20 pepole I did not like this and I knew that I was the only one that could change it so I called my dad and asked him if I got a job at walmart distribution could I come stay with him and he was very weary because of my past but I got the job and he let me come stay with him and lets me use my mothers car ( my mother had passed away about year before this) . I started out making $16.25 which I thought was great because I never had anything other than the job I was working at the transition house makimg near this much. However it did not take me long to realize that under just basic living cost that this was still barley getting by. I now make $18.05 an hour and do not have any expenses I am saving up . My dad has land and a trailer thathe is fixing up to be a house and I will only have to pay utilities I truly am blessed to not have to go in debt for a car and a place to live but I still feel mediocre at best . I do not have many freinds at all. I work one 10hr and three 12hr shifts a week right now (due to supplyand demand brought by COVID 19). I do not have a girlfriend and I will not just settle for any girl that will take me because that just leads to a failed and terrible connection. I quit the life I was living because I was tired of being sick and tired. I also quit because I hated the day to day living now I feel like if I do t get to where I atleast make $24 an hour I am stuck with this below content feeling. I know that there is more to life than this and I also belive that expecting to reach a point of feeling happy all the time is unrealistic. I would really love to hear feedback and responses from the community.
 
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Good on you for not settling in relationships. That's my goal too - go out and get the one i want.

I always feel like quitting my job and im sure im not the only one.

My very first diagnosis before bipolar was dysthymia, so i naturally am sort of discontent with life. But i keep on pushing because i know my future wife would be down my throat about quitting work just because it got boring.

Do you have a new game plan?
 
Yes I did and still do . I went to a Data Analytics boot camp where I learned how use various skills and toold for the role of a Data Analyst without havimg to take on a bunch of college debt. In the program you are connected with Tech Industry recurters and ypur chances of getting a job before or soon after you graduate are really high if you put in the effort however... Covid 19 had a unprecedented affect on the the obtain a job part.
 
Yours is a very positive story and you have a lot to be proud of. It is no mean feat to turn your life around the way you did. That kind of dedication and success is definitely not ‘mediocre’.

Maybe you need to spend some time thinking about what are realistic goals for someone with your background and experience (and dreams and aspirations) and judge your mediocrity or otherwise by your progress towards those goals. I suspect that if you broke a medium term goal (whether career or life/love) into shorter term achievable steps you would get a sense of moving forward positively and stop second guessing yourself.
 
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