Support Struggling with realising how bad things ‘were’ or maybe ‘are’?

[ghostfreak]

Right so feel totally crushed trying to cope and just feel like I’ve ruined what I was rebuilding.

Ok well my wife found my ‘stash’? This was a while ago. Maybe not stash, I liked to think of it as a collection but only in some people’s eyes. Ah fuck off topic already right.

In my head after a while I thought right it’s gonna go like she wants me to bring all these pills down to my chemist and have them dump them - yellow bin job. I have no argument, I was the one having these meds in the house anyway. So I thought I would say ‘ok I’m ready let’s bring these back in, I’ll sort through them so it doesn’t look like a drug addicts stash’. Said it this evening and watched as she went upstairs and hid them like it made me feel absolutely terrible and destroyed my mood.

I know it’s my own fault and I have to respect that she doesn’t trust me still but fuck I feel emotionally crushed.

Am I being selfish in thinking it would have sent any better?

My head feels like it’s going to explode from all this at the moment.

 

[PtahTek]

Right so feel totally crushed trying to cope and just feel like I’ve ruined what I was rebuilding.

Its what we do it seems... bring about our own ruin.
Whats to be learned from it? Anything?
Can we build on our failures?
Can we ever achieve what we want or are we to go through theses hells until a pure form appears?
I am totally lost atm but there seems no end so looking at it as a learning experience perspective and hope something clicks and is so simple that it is all leveled in an instance:

"I will go before you and will level the mountains ; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron."

Is this from just one individual or collective action?
Sorry if Im posting some off the wall BS but I feel something fits and any all can be deleted as needed.
Where do we go?
What do we do?
How?
When?
Why? (maybe most important to me)

I need answers too friend and it all seems we in the same boat and should be able to figure this shit out is all im tryin to get out

 

[ghostfreak]

Its what we do it seems... bring about our own ruin.
Whats to be learned from it? Anything?
Can we build on our failures?
Can we ever achieve what we want or are we to go through theses hells until a pure form appears?
I am totally lost atm but there seems no end so looking at it as a learning experience perspective and hope something clicks and is so simple that it is all leveled in an instance:

"I will go before you and will level the mountains ; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron."

Is this from just one individual or collective action?
Sorry if Im posting some off the wall BS but I feel something fits and any all can be deleted as needed.
Where do we go?
What do we do?
How?
When?
Why? (maybe most important to me)

I need answers too friend and it all seems we in the same boat and should be able to figure this shit out is all im tryin to get out

Thanks for the reply.

Yeah I totally understand what you’re trying to say. Trying to figure out in my head the ruin I’ve caused or is it all hitting me at once.

Struggling, trying to cope, forget, deny, ignore - nice try. Argh. Music helps, the right tunes at the right time.

 

[PtahTek]

I have learned that nothing in irrelevant.
Pieces of puzzles.
What can I do?
Amy thing right off hand come to mind?

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Right so feel totally crushed trying to cope and just feel like I’ve ruined what I was rebuilding.

Ok well my wife found my ‘stash’? This was a while ago. Maybe not stash, I liked to think of it as a collection but only in some people’s eyes. Ah fuck off topic already right.

In my head after a while I thought right it’s gonna go like she wants me to bring all these pills down to my chemist and have them dump them - yellow bin job. I have no argument, I was the one having these meds in the house anyway. So I thought I would say ‘ok I’m ready let’s bring these back in, I’ll sort through them so it doesn’t look like a drug addicts stash’. Said it this evening and watched as she went upstairs and hid them like it made me feel absolutely terrible and destroyed my mood.

I know it’s my own fault and I have to respect that she doesn’t trust me still but fuck I feel emotionally crushed.

Am I being selfish in thinking it would have sent any better?

My head feels like it’s going to explode from all this at the moment.

I thought I remember seeing something about this somewhere else. Does your wife understand how dangerous it can be to not have a proper taper? Have you been able to communicate that you are in physical danger here?

 

[deficiT]

Yeah dude it sounds like you're having some serious anxiety from this. You should definitely press her on the severity of the issue and let her know that these are things that you actually require to function and aren't simply using to get high.

 

[Nas47]

Sorry man.don't know that ur wife is not knowing about ur problems...must talk to her....about ur problem....it's your wife....so close enough....as Jerry said it can't throw this pills in the garbage just like thst....must to tapper slowly.....that's a serious stuff