Hey whats up everyone have lurked here for several years but just got around to registering. Recently cocaine made a reappearance in my life through an acquaintance at a new job, I had smoked crack in my teens but I hadnt touched it till recently Im 37 now so it had been a long time since my last bell ringer. At first I was grabbing a gram and snorting it on the weekend but almost as if fate itself wanted me to screw myself over I had a bit of powder on a plate and I accidentally spilled a bit of water on it and instead of just wasting it the light bulb went off in my head to just pour it into a spoon with baking soda and cook it. Literally all it took was that first blast and I never went back to snorting and I was off the races. I read in another thread on here a member said that crack is like a totally different drug, almost narcotic like where you can almost get a nod and thats completely true, snorting to me just feels edgy and kind of shitty with brief periods of good euphoria but crack a good hit gave a consistent reliable high every time once your method is perfected.
I chased it of course and instead of buying grams on the weekend I started picking up 1/8 balls with the intent of "you can treat yourself to have a gram of smoking a night its gotta last all week" which everyone who smokes knows never happens and Id be lucky if it lasted 48 hours. I had like 10 grand saved from working hard at my job, made a really good impression there and got employee of the quarter and could see myself with a future there and finally felt I got myself out of the rut of addiction before I started with crack. I was smoking weed and taking mushrooms fairly often but no opiates or other harder drugs for a couple years and from that first fucking hit that I never should have taken it only took 2 and a half months to smoke my savings. I went from perfect attendance at work and doing a good job to missing days and smoking crack i on my breaks in the parking lot in my car and coming back in high and delusional and everyone who knew me could tell yet I thought I was hiding it.
Any little remark from someone I didn't like I would go off the handle and do and say things I never would have sober and eventually my popping off at the mouth got me called in to the office and I had coke on me and had been smoking on break not long before they called me in and when confronted about an argument with another douche coworker I kind of exploded and got defensive and walked out because they wanted to force me to write up an incident report or Id be fired which would have happened anyway so I just said I quit and stormed out. So I was unemployed and kept smoking like another month or two until the last of my money dried up, on my last binge it got so bad that my fucking family called the cops on me told them I was talking crazy and threatening suicide and instead of going to jail I got taken to a nuthouse in chicago for a week. Well that whole long story was just to say even after all that bullshit Im sitting here still clean since around halloween and I still think about it a large part of everyday, I just can't shake it EVERYTHING triggers me. I keep thinking about melting it into the chore, twisting the pipe, and that feeling when you are hitting it just right and you get such a big hit you actually worry for your safety (but you keep inhaling more haha) and the rush just everything. I was dropping off my subutex rx at walgreens today and I had an anxiety attack all because on break at work sometimes I would race down to walgreens down by my job to by baking soda to cook up hits in my car at work. Does it ever fucking go away? Im broke right now and could never afford the way I was using at the moment but I still at this point cant say if I had enough $ that I wouldnt be out buying it. Its such a cruel drug the way its only satisfying while your hitting the pipe, if a bell ringer lasted 30 minutes it would be so much easier to not go so overboard hah. I just miss it so much even though I know its never enough when I had it but man I want a hit.
I chased it of course and instead of buying grams on the weekend I started picking up 1/8 balls with the intent of "you can treat yourself to have a gram of smoking a night its gotta last all week" which everyone who smokes knows never happens and Id be lucky if it lasted 48 hours. I had like 10 grand saved from working hard at my job, made a really good impression there and got employee of the quarter and could see myself with a future there and finally felt I got myself out of the rut of addiction before I started with crack. I was smoking weed and taking mushrooms fairly often but no opiates or other harder drugs for a couple years and from that first fucking hit that I never should have taken it only took 2 and a half months to smoke my savings. I went from perfect attendance at work and doing a good job to missing days and smoking crack i on my breaks in the parking lot in my car and coming back in high and delusional and everyone who knew me could tell yet I thought I was hiding it.
Any little remark from someone I didn't like I would go off the handle and do and say things I never would have sober and eventually my popping off at the mouth got me called in to the office and I had coke on me and had been smoking on break not long before they called me in and when confronted about an argument with another douche coworker I kind of exploded and got defensive and walked out because they wanted to force me to write up an incident report or Id be fired which would have happened anyway so I just said I quit and stormed out. So I was unemployed and kept smoking like another month or two until the last of my money dried up, on my last binge it got so bad that my fucking family called the cops on me told them I was talking crazy and threatening suicide and instead of going to jail I got taken to a nuthouse in chicago for a week. Well that whole long story was just to say even after all that bullshit Im sitting here still clean since around halloween and I still think about it a large part of everyday, I just can't shake it EVERYTHING triggers me. I keep thinking about melting it into the chore, twisting the pipe, and that feeling when you are hitting it just right and you get such a big hit you actually worry for your safety (but you keep inhaling more haha) and the rush just everything. I was dropping off my subutex rx at walgreens today and I had an anxiety attack all because on break at work sometimes I would race down to walgreens down by my job to by baking soda to cook up hits in my car at work. Does it ever fucking go away? Im broke right now and could never afford the way I was using at the moment but I still at this point cant say if I had enough $ that I wouldnt be out buying it. Its such a cruel drug the way its only satisfying while your hitting the pipe, if a bell ringer lasted 30 minutes it would be so much easier to not go so overboard hah. I just miss it so much even though I know its never enough when I had it but man I want a hit.
out of my life. I was a big heroine user of it over 1yr but on methadone 38mils down from 110mils so I'm doing some good. Crack do and I can only speak for myself it's like u use it for a good few hours and then the come down with your head wreaked....it should be called "more" u always want more. I used to use 3/5 days of the week. Iv stopped that to 2 days MAX but in between I have to have a benzo to keep my mind off the crack. It can definitely be done with willpower and I feel some benzo lik xanax in my case. Iv gone from spending upwards of €400/€500 a week to now €50 one day wendsday (today I smoke) then nothing till Saturday and the same €50 that's it. I'm gonna try cut that too. I wish you the best and il keep you in my 
goodluck.