It keeps worrying me how hard it can be to stretch out benzos or use them as planned. Especially considering how bad and dangerous the withdrawals are. It doesn't even help that you know how to use them, because of the nature of the drugs. They're not like other drugs where you can be safe unless you're an idiot about it.
Now, just to provide an example to anyone unexperienced I'd like to describe how I used up my last batch of 100 Etizolam. And I have years of experience with benzos, and all kinds of fuck-ups on them, so there's no excuse.
It was preceded by going through 5 days of benzo withdrawal (the acute WD was over in 3 days but some effects lingered for a few more) which just about sent me psychotic and was not that far from killing me. After 5 days I was fine, no PAWS or anything, but cravings (don't get PAWS only cravings). So on the 6th day when I got 100 more I couldn't resist it.
I planned to stretch them out at least over 14 days (this is doable if everything goes right, have done that lots of times). However, this was a Thursday, and on Sunday I had only 4 left. That would make over 30 every day - I'll try to explain how it happened (though I have little memory of it).
I started out by taking 4 with some coffee, because I like taking them with stimulants but didn't want to use anything stronger after I'd just been so ill and over-stimulated, so I thought coffee would be fine. Anyway, the effect of it was very unsatisfactory. It felt kind of like I hadn't taken enough benzos for my needs or not quite enough to get me out of withdrawal. The androgenic effect was very noticable, with irritation, etc. No peaceful benzo high (not that it gets me "high" but it sedates me and induces a pleasent relaxed state).
So I was very unhappy as it was like I'd just put myself back into WD again and saw no other solution than to take more pills (and obviously kept taking more and more). I also kept drinking coffee all the time throughout as I was too far gone to realise this was creating the problem and was too amnesiac from all the benzos to realise how many I was taking or what I was doing in general.
All in all, one of the most stupid things I've done. I just didn't anticipate it as I've taken them with far stronger stimulants before (as I find them pretty tame on their own and like that "speedball" effect you can get by combining them with stimulants - though this is dangerous and a really bad idea). I think it was just too soon after my withdrawal to handle any stimulants yet. Probably I was still in some withdrawal and the coffe put me back into it, and I needed to take a shitload of benzos to counteract all the coffee I was drinking.
I should have just taken enough benzos to make me content (maybe more than 4 but definitely not over 30) as that was what my body needed at the time. Still can't believe I used up nearly 100 benzos in 3 days. Also kicking myself for not using health-store quality Green Tea instead, as that is also a sedative and a much weaker stimulant, and would have been enough for me at the time. Jesus Christ. It seems like there's no limit to benzo-induced stupidity. I would never do anything as mindless on opiates, as they don't make me lose my mind. Oh, and thanks.
Now, just to provide an example to anyone unexperienced I'd like to describe how I used up my last batch of 100 Etizolam. And I have years of experience with benzos, and all kinds of fuck-ups on them, so there's no excuse.
It was preceded by going through 5 days of benzo withdrawal (the acute WD was over in 3 days but some effects lingered for a few more) which just about sent me psychotic and was not that far from killing me. After 5 days I was fine, no PAWS or anything, but cravings (don't get PAWS only cravings). So on the 6th day when I got 100 more I couldn't resist it.
I planned to stretch them out at least over 14 days (this is doable if everything goes right, have done that lots of times). However, this was a Thursday, and on Sunday I had only 4 left. That would make over 30 every day - I'll try to explain how it happened (though I have little memory of it).
I started out by taking 4 with some coffee, because I like taking them with stimulants but didn't want to use anything stronger after I'd just been so ill and over-stimulated, so I thought coffee would be fine. Anyway, the effect of it was very unsatisfactory. It felt kind of like I hadn't taken enough benzos for my needs or not quite enough to get me out of withdrawal. The androgenic effect was very noticable, with irritation, etc. No peaceful benzo high (not that it gets me "high" but it sedates me and induces a pleasent relaxed state).
So I was very unhappy as it was like I'd just put myself back into WD again and saw no other solution than to take more pills (and obviously kept taking more and more). I also kept drinking coffee all the time throughout as I was too far gone to realise this was creating the problem and was too amnesiac from all the benzos to realise how many I was taking or what I was doing in general.
All in all, one of the most stupid things I've done. I just didn't anticipate it as I've taken them with far stronger stimulants before (as I find them pretty tame on their own and like that "speedball" effect you can get by combining them with stimulants - though this is dangerous and a really bad idea). I think it was just too soon after my withdrawal to handle any stimulants yet. Probably I was still in some withdrawal and the coffe put me back into it, and I needed to take a shitload of benzos to counteract all the coffee I was drinking.
I should have just taken enough benzos to make me content (maybe more than 4 but definitely not over 30) as that was what my body needed at the time. Still can't believe I used up nearly 100 benzos in 3 days. Also kicking myself for not using health-store quality Green Tea instead, as that is also a sedative and a much weaker stimulant, and would have been enough for me at the time. Jesus Christ. It seems like there's no limit to benzo-induced stupidity. I would never do anything as mindless on opiates, as they don't make me lose my mind. Oh, and thanks.
