Strange, scary, impending doom.

[raising_da_piggy]

I for one have had lots of moments of impending doom... how ever there has been one incident that has etched it's way into my concerns and is like a big fuck off splinter in my mind. About 6 years ago I injected some foreign blood by accident wich was In a speed ball. This shit went on to give me hep c. At the time of doing this the impending doom was really In the four front of the whole shebang and instead of feeling the usual up rushing of heroin and crack accompanying this I got a very obvious extra adrenaline rush as well as some streaks dashing around on the floor, I could almost sence it was some sort of so spirit. Since this day six years ago my whole dreamscape has changed and I no longer lucid dream etc just no awareness of my self and instead of getting sleep paralysis I have to pull my self off the bed enabling a jault as to wake me. I am also pulling apart and stretching my body very much like you would after a bong of salvia. Sadly this reckless incident was pressured on me and out of frustration I decided to risk it with the hit as the guy that was flaunting the whole operation seemed adement I go threw with it reassuring me he had no diseases. Im a really commited meditater too and do about an hour every few days.this has given me no controll over the situation although this should of been tweaking my rem dreaming. I'm really lost and scared , it's like I have no hope and there's some sort of dark force in me that's pushing me down to the lower depths of exile . Has any one had the same thing ? I no I was given advice on blue light about adrenachrome and how this is not possible. I even suspect a symbiotic reason, actually that sinister...hair of the dog and all that. Clues, I can imagine if it is this sort of thing I need to get some sort of treat ment that could isolate proteins / amino acids and perhaps draw it out of my cognitive neuro networking. I suspected serum sickness wich has coursed a glitch in my sub conscious processes . Is there treatment for me ? Any clues guys ? Is this just the nature of haveing oxadized blood/DNA. There's nothing any where that can explain things!

 

[raising_da_piggy]

Just to add my father contracted blood cancer at around the same time... I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work this way around but maybe it would... Also I think to say it's serum sickness wouldn't be right as that seems like it takes more like days to manifest.
.

 

[raising_da_piggy]

To add frustration to my addled mind in the last few years quite often at night before I fall asleep I chutter slight animal sounds. Is this perhaps sleep apnea ?

 

[raising_da_piggy]

And what I meant by Impending doom is that as soon as the blood hit my brain a veil of "doom" encompassed me... ive tryed explaining this to doctors and they didn't offer explanation or give me any treatment.... personally I can't hack this.

 

[gingertabby]

Dude, treat the hep C, it's dangerous, and doing so might help that feeling go away.
I know what you mean with impending doom, it sounds like something i have felt while coming down from uppers, and it feels painfully hopeless, not sure if we talkin about the same thing.

 

[kiely]

I'm sorry. That is scary. You have to just find some kind of strength to fight back and pray for help. Meditate and then think it through.

That was very risky behavior I am sorry. Try to fight back against the demons or whatever it is.

But how I get over all of this is that when I try to make a decision real quickly or whenever. I remember what it feels like to have to suffer the consequences from those decisions.

And, Yes staying healthy is everything. Or to say the least extremely important. It is imperative to the utmost to focus on optimum health however possible.

So when you have to make an important decision ... just think of how it made you feel and how you had to suffer and the energy and time to have to give up just to go through this. When there can be another easier way out. To just not do it.

And then how much healthier it can be just to make the best decision.
When I think what I will have to go through to face consequences I move right on real fast. And make the decision that will feel completely and much more rationally better.

Tough love works like a charm. I mean works good. It's tough but that is why it really works so well.

I don't know I just think at this point that you have to just stay healthy and fight back the best that you can. You can really. Please just don't give up your power.

I am sorry for such a long post. But I can understand exactly what you are saying. I don't do amphetamines but I don't have to fight back all the more at that horrible power. Don't let it get you if you can.

Thank you for posting and letting me leave my reply and I wanted to mostly say for you to take care Okay !!

I can hear the suffering and I just want you to really want to get well.
I hope that we can do it.

I can't deal with that kind of terror so I don't don't do all of that. It's really bad consequences. And it is never good but you are better than that. And you have to know that you really are.

Take Care. But really think of the consequences and how it is going to feel next time. And remember how much more awful it will be. So you will know it's not worth it.

Those demons are real. Keep getting better and stay protected. And safe as possible. They are out there.

Stay healthy and keep a good heart. I am sorry we suffer like we do.

Don't make it worse. lol. I'm really serious. You will be alright. But do take care.

I hope that you stay well always. k

 

[kris66]

It sounds like you need to see a Dr (if you haven't already) and have a physical if your insurance will pay for it. If you can't get a physical at least see a Dr to discuss the symptoms that are bothering you the most.

It is sometimes helpful to try to stay busy; for me at least it helps if I don't dwell too much on how I'm feeling. Can you get out and go to a gym or go for a hike in your area?

Try to stay hydrated and eat healthy too, eating right can help also.

Hope this helps.