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Stopping using during recovery before it coulod be too late

Mugz

Mugz

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 6, 2004
Messages
15,449
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You fucking know, I post it enough
My heads in a right state right now, can't wait for the recovery forums to launch, will be moving there as my home forums when they are up and running. I'm going to DARP treatment most days of the week and am getting a lot of positives from the group sessions but then I still find myself coming back home and using whatever drug I have around, and not lightly either. I can't wait for all of the drugs to be gone so I can focus on the rehab properly as I have made a promise to myself that I will definitely keep that I will not purchase any more drugs, it's just getting by without them that will be hard. I've found the NA metings helpful too. I'm seriously considering just throwing away anything that I do have in my possession so that I can kick start my recovery before I drag it out so long that it ends up killing me while I'm in a positive moon about it and can see a light at the end of the tunnel without drugs. If I continue to use these last 2 recreational drugs that I have around then nothing has really changed.
I'm going to try and go ot an online NA meeting today and then have meetings with my key worker Friday to discuss an inpatient detox for the benzos and a rehab centre ehich is what I really need to get off these drugs, especially the latest one, smack, Which I have used 7 days in a row now and am beginning to really like rather than find it mehh, just ok, which is dangerous in itself. I cant let a psychological habit crawl in before I run out or before U go to detox and rehab because it could have the potential to take away everything that could possibly be ever good wver again.
 
Congrats on the decision to quit and taking the right steps towards helping yourself. If I were you I'd ditch any drugs you still have in your possession and focus on your recovery now. There's no real reason to drag it out longer than you need to. It sounds like you are in the right mindset to give it all up though which is a huge plus.

You don't need to wait for the recovery thread to launch for us here in TDS to be here for you. :)
 
Re-distributed said:
You don't need to wait for the recovery thread to launch for us here in TDS to be here for you. :)
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TDS is always here for support!

It sounds as if you really are ready to start the journey into recovery, and at this point I couldn't agree more with Re-distributed. The substances you are using now will just hold you back in your decision to turn your life around. 7 days on smack might be more than just a psychological addiction (small physical dependancy), but if you stop using now it wont be full blown WD.

You've said it yourself, you cant wait for the drugs to be gone so you can recover.

Good luck!
 
^ glad to hear that Mugz

Heroin is a bad drug, and could have kept ruining my life if I hadn't collected all my usable will power to get myself onto Suboxone, and I'm so thankful every day that Suboxone worked for me. It was truly a life saver for me.

7 days will be long enough to feel a bit depressed/tired for a day or two after you have quit cold turkey but you shouldn't have any withdrawals.

Don't feel bad for using either, just focus on saying no to using in the future, and work on feeling good about yourself. You're a really nice person man and a great friend to know, and I hope that things work out for you. You can always PM me if things are getting rough for you.
 
had a shitty kinda day where I got the time of my meeting with my keyworker/caseworker wrong so my assessment for rehab has been pushed back until the 28th, luckily that's not too long but it's long enough to piss me off a lot, the group session was nice though and lots was said that was needed to be said and I listened to other people speaking and learned a bit too, so I guess it wasn't such a bad day after all, just put the craving meter right back up to 100% because I now have to wait another 9 days to get my rehab assessment, rather than that being done today and getting a date to go in.

Managed to get my new bank card from the bank so that's gonna be sitting on the side all night long with me staring at it waiting to make an order online for something. This pushing back of the rehab date has fucked with my head and has made me think that I might as well continue using up until I get through those doors rather than try and cut down and kick it on my own and then when they open then doors me say "sorry I don't really need you anymore" It's a fucking pisstake.

I'll keep going to my NA meetings and the meetings at the local recovery place though and meeting with my caseworker and hopefully it will all work out well in the end and I'll be sober.
 
^Keep it up, Mugz. Take it day by day and the 9 days will be here sooner than you think.<3

You might want to consider putting your bank card in a container, filling it with water, and then putting that in the freezer. That way you do have some time to really think before you make any purchases while the ice melts.
 
Recovery is really worth the effort Mugz. It feels so good once you reach the other side and have put some distance between you and the drugs. The benefits you receive in sobriety are just so incredible and you feel like such a winner because you conquered addiction which is a huge accomplishment. Eventually you reach a place where you are so thankful to be drug-free that you want to help other addicts get to where you are. Your life is filled with purpose, hope, and love. No drug can match the lasting satisfaction of sobriety, I would encourage you to flush all your stash and begin a life in recovery. Its hard, its tiring, its scary, but its the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my 27 years on this planet.
 
I have to continue taking my benzos at the moment but that is all I am down to now as I'm waiting for a quick rehab/detox program to get me off those, it's just all the other drugs and alcohol that I'm craving like mad at the moment because the appointment to decide when I would be going into rehab has been pushed back 9 days by what it seems to have been my fault.
 
Mugz said:
I have to continue taking my benzos at the moment but that is all I am down to now as I'm waiting for a quick rehab/detox program to get me off those, it's just all the other drugs and alcohol that I'm craving like mad at the moment because the appointment to decide when I would be going into rehab has been pushed back 9 days by what it seems to have been my fault.
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Glad to hear about the progress. :)
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Glad to hear about the progress. :)
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Thanks, here is some more:D


spent the afternoon and evening with my sponsor, just chatting and then going over some of the basic NA texts, then he cooked us a stir fry which was nice and tasty and blueberrys and yoghurt with jelly too for afters and then we went to an NA meeting and that was a really positive one, could relate to a lot of the sharers and the similarities in the addictions even though the drugs may have been different, shared myself again too, is hard to get up and say "My names ***** and I'm and addict" but once the words start flowing it sometimes is hard to stop, but I controlled myself and didn't overshare, but got some things off my chest that had been weighing me down.

Since I've lost my measuring syringe for the phenazepam I have a feeling I've been taking a bit more than usual, I pour it out of the 500ml bottle into a 95ml old Listerine mouthwash bottle, and have just been sipping gently from that. 95ml is 190mg of phenazepam and the level of the bottle seems to be going down a bit faster than if I'd only been taking 4mg phenaz a day, I'm gonna get a syringe tomorrow and measure how much is left in my 95ml bottle so I can see the avg daily use since I last transferred into the Listerine bottle.

Got detox coming up soon, not sure of the date still will find out next week sometime but I'll be on a 10-14 day inpatient Librium(chlordiazepoxide) fast taper down to nothing and then I'll be benzo and all other drug free and can start working towards my 30 day keyring at NA. The day before I go into detox/rehab whatever you wanna call it I will be pouring away the rest of my phenazepam/propylene glycol solution so the first thing when I get home wont be to take a nice big swig of it, it will be gone and I'll have to survive without it. I know etiz is easily ordered next day and phenaz two days but having it not there as soon as I get back will make it a lot easier to not order some straight away, and I think that after the week or two in the detox/rehab centre I will reach a point where I will be less wanting to order a load more, gotta lot of support from my dad and from the local recovery centre and from the people and friends I've met at NA too so I think once I am clean it should be easy to stay clean.
 
Reading through this thread it looks like you're on the right path, and you've gathered momentum which is the hardest part. Keep at it! It really only will get better from here on out, all you've got to do is keep doing exactly what you've been doing til you get to rehab and you're golden. Just keep it goin!
 
It looks like you are doing all the right things, it gets way easier and your life gets worlds better. Sorry to hear about that rehab being pushed back, it will come soon. If i can get clean and stay that way so can you. Strength and Courage.

There really is light at the end of the tunnel.
5865037-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel.jpg
 
That last post freaked me out as I caved on Friday night and ended up on some website randomly with the same almost exact same image, my paranoia is getting worse even when off the stims. On Friday I was on 3-MMC which is pretty similar to mephedrone and I got through a gram of it and then slept and then all was ok, it felt like maybe I didn't have a problem, but then I stupidly went to the vendor website and ordered another 5g, I had 2g in my card, but changed it for 5g as it is my birthday Saturday and hoped I'd have some left to take out with me, if I was in any state to go out that is and a high probablility.

The stuff should arrive on Wednesday, I've called my sponsor and he isn't working and he said he will come and wait for the mail with me if I like, but because it was a similar kind of drug to the one he used to do all the time he might have to bring his sponsor too, so it would be 3 people from NA waiting for the mailman to flush away £70 of my money and of course the 5g of 3-mmc.

I'm not sure if I can do it, have then here and get rid of it. I shouldn't have bought it, but now I have bought it, I feel an obligation to use it, well at least some of it anyway.

I think what I might do is call my sponsor when it arrives, then split in in half then hide one half and then we can flushed the half sent by the vendor and forget about it and then I can have one final session on it myself or take it out on my birthday on Saturday and use it then in a social setting for once.

I am really at a crossroads as to what to do, I ended up buying some cider tonight too because of the dilemma it gave me and missed my home NA meeting, but attended 3 video online meetings today, one NA and two AA at www.intherooms.com It's a great website for support and help, not taking anything away from bluelight, but this place is all about support and they have multiple daily meetings that you can attend and just listen or attend and share with your webcam and mic. I shared in one of mine today and was congratulated for the sharing. It does help to share, and I guess that's why I love bl so much.

Anyway. I dunno what I'm gonna do come Wednesday. time will tell. I just hope I don't go on a massive binge as I've got plans for the rest of the week.
 
Should go to NA tonight as I've skipped it for the last two weeks and it's only one hour out of my day but I really don't want to go, especially after the bad news at the recovery place today saying they wont be able to get me into the detox/rehab centre for at least about 4 or 5 weeks so I might aswell detox on my own as I don't have enough benzos to do it their way and wait 5 more weeks, gonna have to do a fast taper with the remaining phenazepam I have left, luckily with it's half life I can probably do it by taking it only every other day.

NA seems pointless now other that the making new friends part of it as I don't believe that total abstinence is going to be the cure for me, although I do think that total abstinence for a sustained period of time, like 2 months would be good for me, so maybe I should go tonight, plus my dad wants me to go so it seems to him that things are getting back on track, but I should be going for me not him.

MY sponsor just rand and offered me a lift to the meeting and had a chat with him so am gonna go tonight anyway, I don't plan on sharing anything though, especially that I don't think abstinence is the key anymore.
 
spork said:
^Keep it up, Mugz. Take it day by day and the 9 days will be here sooner than you think.<3

You might want to consider putting your bank card in a container, filling it with water, and then putting that in the freezer. That way you do have some time to really think before you make any purchases while the ice melts.
Click to expand...

^This.

Hahahaha!!! Never ever thought of this!! Sounds like a great fkn idea!! One question tho, can you still use it after the ice melts off? =D=D=D=D
 
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