stimulant abuse problem, chasing the high

[Candy_Raver]

How big is my problem whenever I get my hands on stimulants I always tend to go on a binge, and take massive doses to try to chase a high that I never seem to get to. I've only used drugs like adderall and ritalin about 20 times in my life, over the last two years mostly for school but when I get my hands on a bunch I use recreationally, and go on binges, but due to lack of access I don't have a constant supply.
Whenever I use uppers for recreational purposes I also have alot of benzos on hand, it helps with the crash, I can't do binges without benzos.
What I'm starting here is recreational use,I started with ritalin, 20mgs will get me rocked, then I progressed to 80mgs, then 120mgs, I used 1mg xanax, but tolerance forced me to go to 2mgs, the ritalin it's lost its magic and I don't enjoy it anymore.
Then I find something better which is adderall.
First one was 90mgs in one night, about 6 months ago, followed by 40mgs valium.
My last few binges I went on was adderall at 150mgs IR in a single night this was three months ago. Followed by 60mgs valium.
Two weekends ago I went on a 230mg(IV) adderall binge(its stupid to shoot pills but I did use cotton then micron filters, and I know its still dangerous.) over two days. If I wasn't my friend holding it for me I would had gone though 600mgs in 3-4days. After that I did 2mgs xanax, 20mgs valium, plus hard alcohol. Who knows what might have ended up to me...
I'm lucky to not have my heart give up on me.
In the past I also can't control my MDMA usage, rolling every weekend, it lost its magic but I kept upping the pills but afterwards I managed to have stopped for 6 months now.
Last night it was 28mgs of MDPV, it was too much, heart rate was way too fast at 156b/m, I was getting lightheaded, I'm getting chest pain, head aches, etc... I get the same side effects of adderall binging as well. After that it was followed by 1mg xanax, 10mg valium, 15mgs ambien, which did nothing to help me sleep.

I don't do this everyday or weekly, but its a monthly thing, to what degree am I addicted to stimulants? Whenever I get them and use them recreationally I binge on them. I have used them for school/ work purposes as well for finals and midterms this is also monthly, but only in 20mgs so only when used for that purpose and my friends are holding my pills for me I can't control my usage. I originally intended to use it as a study aid, and 20mgs does the trick, but doing 10x that amount will seriously screw up my tolerance.

After these binges I become very depressed, like I have nothing to live for expect getting high. Or I'd get so depressed I'd want to commit suicide.

I climbed the stimulants tree(ritalin,adderall, now considering meth), just like how I climbed the opiates tree, first it was codeine, vicodin, it stay that way for 4 years and had things under control, then moved up to OCs and morphines, after that got into oxymorphone, dilaudid, then heroin, was snorting first then started IV it worked at 2x a month for 6 months but it got out of hand quickly and after 2 months of struggle and I decided to quit. I didn't build a big habit, so stopping the withdrawals were mild, and a mare annoyance. But I'm staying off that now hopefully. I always wanted to seek something more powerful so I can reach the ultimate high. It seemed to had failed me with opiates, and is doing so with stimulants too.

I've looked into trying crystal meth, first will smoke it, then IV it, since adderall that whatever doses dosn't seem to get me high enough, I'm always chasing a high, but due to my lack of control with something milder like adderall, I'll never touch meth.

Should I just not use it recreationally anymore? or just stay off it all together? How would I go about this, depending on how addicted I am? I know low dose helps me though school, and a friend holds my pills for me and dispenses me 20mgs when there's a midterm for final. Everytime I use recreatinoally I try to get higher and can't seem to get where i want to go, it's like chasing a high that seems more and more distant, and even with increased dosage I can't seem to get any closer to the "ultimate high." Does the ultimate high the high that exceeds all highs exist? I have been searching for that ultimate high for a while, and it might land me dead someday.

-PLUR

 

[zephyr]

I understand what you are experiencing with your cyclical use. I used to binge a lot on dexamphetamime and quickly progressed to speed then ice. Snorting then smoking then injecting, trying to keep the highs I used to experience on smaller doses going as I became more tolerant. But I never had access to downers until my addiction was full scale so I kept myself high instead of facing the come down.

You are becoming a poly drug addict. Thats not an insult. Its a fact. At least you are facing the consequences of the choices you make now before trying meth. Since you are questioning the direction you are going in you can stop going down that road. I did not stop. I wish I had as the way back to health would have been a lot easier.

Meth does get you high. It feels great for a short while no doubt. Its not worth the lows it causes. You feel suicidal now without it right ? It gets worse after using it.

 

[Sweet P]

The "ultimate high" is unachievable. With meth, tolerance starts to develop from the very first hit, so you'll inevitably fall into the trap of needing larger and larger quantities just to feel the same high. Personally, I can't get high from meth at all any more. It gives me energy and helps me to function, but the euphoria is long gone. I just use to feel normal.

 

[Skywave18]

im the same with crack, even tho i no that next blast wnt get me high, i try so hrd anyway.

 

[w01fg4ng]

Hi Candy Raver.

It seems like yesterday I was in your shoes. Going to school, getting various drugs on occasion to get my mind relaxed and off of studying. It makes perfect sense right? Well it does, but what you are blinded to right now is looking for that perfect high on drugs. Sure drugs gets you high and sometimes may be very powerfully so. What you are not giving yourself a chance to understand is that you really can achieve that 'perfect' high without any of those drugs. In fact, you are much more likely to achieve a perfect high without any drugs.

I have chased the dragon, the perfect high.....hell I chased the damn cat if I thought it would get me there.

Try to find yourself again. Take a walk somewhere you have never been and keep on walking till you get to the top of the hill. Geographically getting high for me helps achieve this dragon I am after. So does music. Therapy. Meditation. The list goes on and on. Don't give the drugs so much credit for your highs. Drugs rarely are the reason you are actually happy. They usually cause more sadness and disconnection from the world than you were asking for.

Now that you have already tried drugs, you know what is in store for them and you. So trying new ones isn't going to do much of a difference recreationally/habitually.

Try sobriety. Try new friends. Try lovers. Try yourself. Try art. Try talking. Try walking. Try making more threads like these and then read them when you are not chasing the dragon so to speak....you will understand yourself better. And you are fully capable of doing by yourself, but don't be afraid to use the aid of people who REALLY care about you.

 

[Pomplemous]

I am an upper person and once up I never want to come down - but that's when you got to use self control and discipline - I have none of either, but you cant live like that so maybe common sense is worth a listen to

 

[leiphos]

I experienced the same thing with prescription stimulant binges, except much worse. For the past year I've been binging and crashing, binging and crashing, on and on and on. I've taken only one significant break from Adderall and Focalin, which was marked by heavy opium use.

At first I was using it to be productive and enjoy myself, but now I just use it because I'm addicted, and I can't function or be happy at all without it. I started with a low dose of concerta, moved on to ritalin, switched to Focalin, started using Adderall, started raising doses of both, and then a few months ago I began dabbling in cocaine. In the past I had the same experience: a progression from prescription stimulants to cocaine and eventually to crack.

I warn you, it never gets better. As you progress to more powerful drugs, you only dig yourself further into the addiction. You aren't addicted to adderall or ritalin. You're addicted to stimulants; in my experience, they're all very similar in that they provide an energizing high with an awful crash, coupled with rapidly increasing tolerance. By using a more powerful stimulant (like meth), you are simply increasing the energy, worsening the crash and speeding up the tolerance.

To me, switching to more powerful stimulants seemed like a good idea. It wasn't.

 

[Gormur]

maybe talk to a doc and see if you have ADD/ADHD. i have a lot more self-control and focus than i did before starting on vyvanse. amps and meth also don't make me high. imo crystal meth is actually more sedating than amps, and much smoother feeling. smoking it puts me right to sleep. anyway, they mostly calm me down and slow my thinking so i can focus on one task at a time..unlike usual where my mind goes in all directions and is impossible to shut up to focus on anything

i mean taking 10 minutes to read a sentence, then not remembering anything you read is no way to live.. sleeping at all hours is no way to live.. having no motivation isn't either.. this is all related to learning disorders

so i'd really urge you to see a doc or psych to see what may be going on. the problem is few people study ADHD and other learning disabilities at any length to really be qualified to script ADHD meds... so go to a specialist, if possible

after some testing, they will tell you all of your med options and see what works best for you.

good luck

G

 

[Sweet P]

maybe talk to a doc and see if you have ADD/ADHD. i have a lot more self-control and focus than i did before starting on vyvanse. amps and meth also don't make me high. imo crystal meth is actually more sedating than amps, and much smoother feeling. smoking it puts me right to sleep. anyway, they mostly calm me down and slow my thinking so i can focus on one task at a time..unlike usual where my mind goes in all directions and is impossible to shut up to focus on anything

i mean taking 10 minutes to read a sentence, then not remembering anything you read is no way to live.. sleeping at all hours is no way to live.. having no motivation isn't either.. this is all related to learning disorders

so i'd really urge you to see a doc or psych to see what may be going on. the problem is few people study ADHD and other learning disabilities at any length to really be qualified to script ADHD meds... so go to a specialist, if possible

after some testing, they will tell you all of your med options and see what works best for you.

good luck

G

Personally, I think ADD/ADHD is overdiagnosed. It can be quite natural for different people to have different effects from drugs, without having an underlying illness. I know people who feel mellow on meth, just as I know people who feel energetic on heroin!

 

[euphoricbiddy]

Personally, I think ADD/ADHD is overdiagnosed. It can be quite natural for different people to have different effects from drugs, without having an underlying illness. I know people who feel mellow on meth, just as I know people who feel energetic on heroin!

first quote attempt don't be mad if i didn't do it right. I'm sorry ,but i have to totally disagree with ADD/ADHD being over diagnosed. I am a third year psych student and while I'm no Dr, i personally believe that add/adhd isn't over diagnosed its just improperly treated. I'm majoring in childhood development, tons of add/adhd in that arena, and just from my own experiences, the meds usually aren't necessary to cure those psych problems. Meds are the easy way out, and don't get me wrong i shot up heroin for four years, iv oxy, even overdosing didn't make me want to stop. I did any stimulant you can think of legal or otherwise, snort, free base, iv. What made me realize why my brain needed those feelings was because i had a combination of add, depression, and terrible anxiety. when i finally got the answers to my problems, by going to a therapist, i could then figure them out rationally rather than just "self medicating" sorry i'm babbling this is my 1st post but u r completely right that everyone reacts differently to different drugs. especially kids, young adults and people with clinical depression. I have a lot more to say but since this is my first post i kinda wanted some feedback from someone before i say something that isnt appropriate. I hope i did good by telling you what i feel, and not just sounding like a know it all. BTW im interested in making new friends so if anyone wnts to chat or comment it would be a good "high" for me.

 

[2112acid]

Since your first sentence to your last you clearly know you have an issue. So why do you need some people online to confirm you have an issue. These are the types of posts i dont understand. You dont ask a question or ask for help, you just call yourself out on a bad habit, and ask to confirm it after a whole page of ranting about it.

 

[Ixchellian]

Since your first sentence to your last you clearly know you have an issue. So why do you need some people online to confirm you have an issue. These are the types of posts i dont understand. You dont ask a question or ask for help, you just call yourself out on a bad habit, and ask to confirm it after a whole page of ranting about it.

I've been wondering too.... and not just with the OP and this thread.
I think it's a bit like catharsis. That's why people go to therapists. To spill their guts to someone who knows about psychological issues, and will be impartial. Here, it's like spilling your guts to eleventeen hundred therapists, who understand drug-problems better than a regular therapists. And here it's free. I know I felt somewhat better finding TDS, and sharing my shipwreck of a life with people here. Then I moved on. I know my issue, and I only gotta talk about it once to get things off my chest.
Or.....
I've met a lot of addicts who think comparing drug habits, and finding out who did the heaviest shit is cool. Or they just like to talk about doing them because it's part of the addiction. Like the OP talking about getting gacked on massive adderal binges, but ungodly amounts of benzos won't bring him/her down.... Then everyone starts to compare drug habits.
Fine.... since everyone else is.... I started smoking really good shards, then started slamming it within about a month. From there I was spending almost $200/day on it, chasing the rush, and using heroin and morphine (i dunno what if it's called something different, to me it was still a speedball) and smoking a LOT of kind. On top of all that, I'm addicted to combat.... or adrenaline.... or whatever the fuck it's called. All I know is I'll never get a fix like that again unless I'm being shot at with AKs and RPGs.
Now how heavy & cool is that? How is that gonna help the OP?

Then again, people ride the drama-lama or hope for a waambulance, just for the attention. In that case, I think it's pretty easy to figure out who they are as well as the trolls. Don't feed them, and they'll go away.

 

[8L4YN3]

The "ultimate high" is unachievable. With meth, tolerance starts to develop from the very first hit, so you'll inevitably fall into the trap of needing larger and larger quantities just to feel the same high. Personally, I can't get high from meth at all any more. It gives me energy and helps me to function, but the euphoria is long gone. I just use to feel normal.

I can only imagine the frustration you must go through sweet P, hope ya all the best in getting over the habit