Pariahprose
Bluelighter
During the past two days I am experiencing for the first time the feeling of rock bottom that comes with addiction. Prior to this I had been to rehab before,but was forced to go by the courts. This might have been enough for some ppl but not for me. I absorbed everything they had to say but that was it, I took in the knowledge of rehab but not the experience of it bc I was forced to go before I experienced rock bottom.
I needed to hit bottom to where I could gain more than just the knowledge to get off of drugs,but the experience as well where I could gain the wisdom needed to stay sober. And now I am at a time in life to take the knowledge I did get from rehab and applying what I know to gain the experience. I know that I cannot do this alone. I also know that I need the support of the primary people around me in daily life and that if they cannot be there for support that they need to be taken out of my life because they will do nothing but drag me down during this time.
Its time to get selfish and attempt recovery.Before I can have a healthy/happy family and life or be able to help someone else get there life in order, I have to get my own health,happiness,and life in order. They can either be here for me and understand or leave. Either way I will survive if I dedicate myself to recovery and will come out a better person on the other side,with or without them. Even if it does hurt to do so at the present time,it will never equal the hurt that grows and expands over the time that I use drugs. I also know that if the people directly involved in my life will not stay and support me(which I would prefer,no offense to BLers) along with the secondary support from BL, I know I will have the support of the community here until I am able to re-establish a sturdy support system directly around me if the support I do have falls apart.
The only thing though that I have wanted in life was to be a father and have a family. I have felt this way since I have been old enough to process the emotions felt as a result of my brother and dad dying when I was 5.But as long as I remain on drugs,my souls true desire will remain covered up and choked out by the soul crushing power of drugs.
Pariahprose
I needed to hit bottom to where I could gain more than just the knowledge to get off of drugs,but the experience as well where I could gain the wisdom needed to stay sober. And now I am at a time in life to take the knowledge I did get from rehab and applying what I know to gain the experience. I know that I cannot do this alone. I also know that I need the support of the primary people around me in daily life and that if they cannot be there for support that they need to be taken out of my life because they will do nothing but drag me down during this time.
Its time to get selfish and attempt recovery.Before I can have a healthy/happy family and life or be able to help someone else get there life in order, I have to get my own health,happiness,and life in order. They can either be here for me and understand or leave. Either way I will survive if I dedicate myself to recovery and will come out a better person on the other side,with or without them. Even if it does hurt to do so at the present time,it will never equal the hurt that grows and expands over the time that I use drugs. I also know that if the people directly involved in my life will not stay and support me(which I would prefer,no offense to BLers) along with the secondary support from BL, I know I will have the support of the community here until I am able to re-establish a sturdy support system directly around me if the support I do have falls apart.
The only thing though that I have wanted in life was to be a father and have a family. I have felt this way since I have been old enough to process the emotions felt as a result of my brother and dad dying when I was 5.But as long as I remain on drugs,my souls true desire will remain covered up and choked out by the soul crushing power of drugs.
Pariahprose
