Staying single to improve myself & my life.

[Get2Think]

After numerous failed relationships and one 4 year one that ended in heartbreak. I've decided that I need to stay single for a while to finish college, figure out a career, save up money, and fix my bad habits and problems before looking for love. It's been 2 years now and I've come a long way. I have only 1 year left of college then a guarenteed career making around 40k a year starting with excellent benefits and room for potential. I've also started AA and got sober. I'm so much more mature at 27 then I am at 21. And I'm paying off all my debt and learning how to be wise with my money.

I don't mean for this thread to be all about me, and an attention-seeking confirmation thread. I'm only trying to explain how I've used my time single to better my life. I want to have things to offer my soul-mate. I want to be able to buy her nice things and have my shit together. I plan on buying a condo, nice car, and having a stable career. All thanks to AA and God who is keeping me sober one day at a time.

I just don't want to be seen as a loser druggie burnout anymore. I felt ignored by women and did something about it because I CRAVE women's respect attention. I need positive reinforcement from women to keep bettering myself and my life. Wow, now I really lost where I was going with this thread, I apologize folks. If you have any questions or comments or can relate to any of this please chime in. This is jsut me sharing some personal stuff, throwing it out there, and seeing what I'll find.

I guess I just want respect, I do care about my image and my social status in life because I don't see many beautiful/quality girls on the arms of druggie/burnout/poor guys. I want to be a catch, I want to be desirable. Do I have all of my bases covered? I respect and love myself, otherwise I wouldn't be constantly improving myself. Being single, it's hard to not want to be desirable to the opposite sex. thanks for letting me share.

 

[pofacedhoe]

i dig the whole self improvement thing. i myself am craving a relationship of substance. i can get amazing sex with attractive people but i don't seem to meet anyone socially that i can develop a normal relationship with (i'm not that obviously gay, and an obvious gay is not what i'm after). this is disappointing but i'm focusing on my studies and i want to quit alcohol for good. those are my now goals.

 

[Tude]

The last step to having your shit together is not caring whether women appreciate it or not. You have to appreciate what you've done. Craving women's attention is just...needy. You're the most important person in your life (unless you've got kids), always remember that :D

 

[Mariposa]

I think it's great that you're devoting your time to self-improvement and I especially admire this part:

I'm paying off all my debt and learning how to be wise with my money

So many people are caught in the endless cycle of debt. You don't have to have nice things for the sake of what other people think; that's stinkin' thinkin as they say in AA. Being at peace with and happy with your life is priceless. Women find self-confidence to be attractive. I would consider a guy who had no outstanding debt to be more attractive than a guy with a bunch of fancy things on which he's paying interest.

Keep up the good work in securing a good future for yourself.

 

[llama112]

That's awesome for you. Yeah, having a job and goals and stuff, that is attractive (most of the time). I'm only 22 but, if I'm looking for a guy (for a relationship, not just a one night stand type thing), him having goals and working towards them is really important. When my boyfriend and I met, we were both in college and we were also both working part time. Now we both have good jobs and it's hard for many 22 year olds to have really good jobs right now. I definitely see that as an attractive feature. It is great to devote time to improving yourself and working hard to make yourself successful.

 

[Get2Think]

Thanks for all the kind replies. Looking back on it I wasn't really sure what I wanted to accomplish with this post. I guess confirmation, encouragement. It sucks but I still really care about my image and I'm breaking my back and stressed out trying to have the perfect body and soul. Money in the bank... a steady job, own a home. It's insane and I feel like since I essentially wasted years as a lazy no-good burnout stoner now that I'm sober I'm manic and so angry about being ahead in life. I had a really hard time in high school and was basically bullied by the popular clique, and everybody labeled me a huge pothead (which i was, i smoked to escape reality) and as a result no girl would even give me a chance. It was incredibly sexually frustrating and I didn't go to any of the dances or prom. I didnt loose my virginity until I was 21 and although college was great to me women wise, I never really developed as a person and bounced around from city to city, community college to community college. Once I got a taste for opiates I just kept running my life into the ground over and over, getting clean, running my life into the ground, saving up some money, going bankrupt. It stopped being fun when I found myself in a living nightmare. 25 living at home, a college dropout, losing my first love of 4 years, and in a mountain of debt. It was an insane struggle and I barely managed to work crappy restaurant jobs to move out after saving money for a year and biking to work everyday in the frigid cold because I got a dui a couple years prior and let my car go to shit as a result of my heroin addiction. Then I moved out and got a full time job, was doing great, independent, living 30 minutes from the beach. But i was still insanely lonely and restless. Something was missing, and just drinking and smoking pot wasn't doing it for me. So I got back into heroin, smoking it at first then shooting it. I lost my job, my roomates found out. And now I'm back living at home in the awful town where I went to high school at.

I guess waht Im getting at is, I've been spinning my wheels for so long now and have had my self-confidence and self-esteem crushed out from me. I'm just so insanely eager to fix my life, fix everything. And I just hate how long this process of rehabilitation takes. I look forward to when I'm con fident in myself and my life enough to not care what girls think. But I'm not there. I'm just trying because it's either this or I blow my brains out, which i did contemplate when I had that .38 special in my room all those nights sitting under my bed. So because I'm and addict and have this ALL or NOTHING mentality. It's like I'm on this warpath, I'm so ashamed of my past and can't shake the embarassing horrific memories of my using past. The people places and things make me shudder. I got waaaay out there, i lost my mind. Every night I either dream of scoring heroin, or having sex. Im so insanely horny and lonely its so unhealthy I wouldnt recomend any 25+ year old live at home. Woe is me, thats it, I guess i just needed to rant. I've read enough other rants and cries for help on bluelight for years now and never up until shared who iam or what ive been going through. I've been an outside observer, a lurker, for a long time and I guess now I should chime in. Im evan and im an addict/alcoholic. Its good/not so good, to be here.

 

[Mariposa]

Get2Think - your addiction will only define you insofar as you allow it to do that. I think ambition - the drive to succeed - is an incredibly attractive quality in a PERSON, partner or not. Hanging out with people who are dedicated to improving themselves, by whatever measure, is inspiring.

It also gets lonely.

There are some reasons why people live with their parents when they're not in school. I could stand about 2 months of it; I'm 32 and I haven't lived at home except for 2 months when I moved cross-country. My family is rather permissive - I don't get criticized for drinking or smoking weed, because they all do it too! I prefer visiting home as opposed to living there. I am single, working and in school 750 miles away.

If you're not at a point of confidence in your mental stability, I suggest you store your gun safely off-site. It can still be under your sole control, but I cannot in good conscience recommend that a person who's contemplated suicide recently keep a gun around while you are using heroin. I cannot recommend this (keeping your weapon out of easy access) strictly enough. The probability that your home will be invaded is not worth the risk to your life with which you are dealing presently.

You no longer use. The memories won't go away overnight, and maybe the memories will never go away. You have chosen to live and thrive. It is natural and good for you to want to share that with a partner. With a bit of patience, time - and a whole lot of confidence - you'll attract someone who is suitable for you, and she'll be lucky to be in a partnership with a man who is responsible for himself. Chicks dig responsibility.