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Starting Over

bakerdaisies

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2016
Messages
16
I just moved to a new town and I'm beginnjng my sober life. I'm starting a therapy program this week but I'm hoping maybe BL can give me a little extra support. I'm feeling okay physically now but mentally I'm definitely struggling. Using dreams are the worst. Anybody in the same situation? Any tips?
 
Hey bakerdaisies! Congratulations on your sobriety! Three years ago I got sober and moved to start a new life. It was scary, stressful, and very exciting to be able to escape my drug and alcohol reputation. It's tough but certainly can be a very positive experience and a great start to a new life. Do you have any friends or family in the place you just relocated to? Have you sought out any recovery resources in your new place? Also, do you have a therapist you can see for when you're really struggling hard?

When I moved I started checking out the local NA/AA meetings. I'm not a big twelve stepper, but it put me in touch with others in recovery and I was able to make friends and find some really interesting things to do in town that don't revolve around drugs and alcohol. The twelve step meetings are also a great resource if you don't have family in the area. I moved with my husband but we hadn't really known each other very long at the time (got married within 6 months of meeting) and he is not an addict, and while very supportive of me I wanted to find others who could directly relate to my trials and tribulations in recovery.

Using dreams are the worse. I have had entire days ruined by waking up from a using dream and then feeling guilty for the rest of the day. They tend to get fewer and farther between the longer you are sober. I've been sober now for almost three years and I find I get them when I'm extremely stressed...fortunately they are not too often. I also get them when I know I am screwing off on my recovery, letting something slide so I do use them as a notification tool for me to stop and examine my life and what I may or may not be doing to compromise my recovery.

Great job on getting sober and I hope you enjoy your new town. Feel free to participate in various threads around the site. We have the Recovery Forums and also community forums which have various interests or social interactions. It's a good group of people. Take care!
 
Awesome on getting clean bakerdaisies and welcome to BL and SL!

Using dreams definitely are weird as hell. Ive woken up literally in a panic that I just blew my recovery... Then I quickly realize that it was just a dream. I try not to get down on myself as I realize that using and my recovery was and is a big chunk of my life and by nature I tend to dream about familiar things. (That or totally off the wall dreams with earth hurdling into a star and burning up on its way in with aliens and such.) Shit, I still have dreams where my ex pops up and it's been 5 years. (Trust me, I have no cravings for her :p)

Anyways, in my case my use lasted on and off for about 8ish years. I am 28 so that means my use spanned a bit less than 1/3 of my life so I figure it to be expected that particular situation will occur in my dreams. I just try not to let it get me down because I know the fact I wake up scared as shit means my heads in the right place.

Glad to have ya here bakerdaisies!
 
Thanks for the kind words and support. I'm starting with a new therapist in the morning...I really struggle with opening up so I'm hoping I find the courage to do so.
 
When you wake up just be thankful it was only a dream. They will become less frequent over time. Also be careful in NA a lot of people go just to satisfy court and to get that signature. If you make friends just keep in mind not everyone is there for the right reasons. I met some of the worst people in NA and had all my jewelry stolen, checks from my checkbook, my kids entertainment systems stolen. I thought these people were my friends! Best of luck and I am not trying to convince you not to go. Just don't be naive and learn the hard way. One last thing to watch for are newer dealers trying to build clientele. Keep up the fight!
 
Yes, there are a lot of predators in the rooms. At some meetings you have to have eyes in the back of your head.
 
When you wake up just be thankful it was only a dream. They will become less frequent over time. Also be careful in NA a lot of people go just to satisfy court and to get that signature. If you make friends just keep in mind not everyone is there for the right reasons. I met some of the worst people in NA and had all my jewelry stolen, checks from my checkbook, my kids entertainment systems stolen. I thought these people were my friends! Best of luck and I am not trying to convince you not to go. Just don't be naive and learn the hard way. One last thing to watch for are newer dealers trying to build clientele. Keep up the fight!


Great point! Addicts are master manipulators as we have to be in order function and feed the addiction. I have some personal rules for dealing with other addicts that I will share with you, though I'm not saying to adopt them for yourself, just things to be aware of.

1. Always be on alert with other people in recovery, they may relapse and their relapse shouldn't become your relapse.

2. Do NOT get romantically involved while you're in early recovery, do NOT get romantically involved with someone else who is in early recovery (less than a year, ideally two years)...see rule one. Some sexual predators troll meetings looking for targets - they don't even have addiction issues but know that people in early recovery don't always have the best clarity or foresight.

3. Do not bring people from meetings to your house or let them know precisely where you live (this was more personal because I was financially stable and a homeowner and didn't want to be a target or try to have someone move in because I had spare bedroom etc).

4. Be very careful who you let in your car as they could be carrying drugs and you don't want their charges to be your charges.

5. Do not loan out anything of value, including money that you want to be repaid or your vehicle.

6. Treat everyone in meetings as if they have alterior motives, addicts are very self interested by nature. While many do genuinely have big hearts and are good people in bad circumstances, many are not good people and will manipulate and take advantage.

7. Their drama is not your drama...if someone is calling you in a relapse keep your distance, do not get sucked in, you're life (sobriety) is at stake. You don't need phone calls at all hours of the night, nor do you need to be the keep of someone else's court, baby, friend, spouse drama. Feel free to meet and discuss their issues at a reasonable time of day over coffee for an hour but no emergency meetings, no late night meetings, etc. If domestic violence is involved give them the number to the hotline, by you getting involved you could become a target yourself.

8. If somebody is actively using do not spend any time with them. Adopt a no tolerance policy. NA is one of the best places to make connections to get substances. Dealers are not very obvious when they are networking a meeting, they put out benign feelers.

I have others but those are the main ones. I know I sound very cold but I didn't randomly pick these out of thin air, they unfortunately came from experience. Your goal in early recovery is to minimize any and all drama in your life and unfortunately, many addicts have a lot of drama that follows them in early recovery. My life's experience has taught me to plan for the worst but hope for the best, and to do damage control before it's needed. I no longer put myself at risk.
 
I think it is great that you are thinking ahead and setting up the most support for yourself that you can get. Bluelight threads are a great way to do this, especially for people that have a harder time opening up face to face because the anonymity here makes it much more comfortable. While that can be a very good source of support I encourage you to deal courageously with trust issues in your therapy group. Trust begins with trust in yourself and in addiction this gets severed. Rejoining your most authentic and trustworthy self to your everyday life can be a struggle but it is so very worthwhile. I think most of us lose trust in the process of growing up and if there has been any kind of early abuse in your life this is compounded exponentially. So, be both gentle and firm with yourself as you try to rebuild your life.
 
Great point! Addicts are master manipulators as we have to be in order function and feed the addiction. I have some personal rules for dealing with other addicts that I will share with you, though I'm not saying to adopt them for yourself, just things to be aware of.

1. Always be on alert with other people in recovery, they may relapse and their relapse shouldn't become your relapse.

2. Do NOT get romantically involved while you're in early recovery, do NOT get romantically involved with someone else who is in early recovery (less than a year, ideally two years)...see rule one. Some sexual predators troll meetings looking for targets - they don't even have addiction issues but know that people in early recovery don't always have the best clarity or foresight.

3. Do not bring people from meetings to your house or let them know precisely where you live (this was more personal because I was financially stable and a homeowner and didn't want to be a target or try to have someone move in because I had spare bedroom etc).

4. Be very careful who you let in your car as they could be carrying drugs and you don't want their charges to be your charges.

5. Do not loan out anything of value, including money that you want to be repaid or your vehicle.

6. Treat everyone in meetings as if they have alterior motives, addicts are very self interested by nature. While many do genuinely have big hearts and are good people in bad circumstances, many are not good people and will manipulate and take advantage.

7. Their drama is not your drama...if someone is calling you in a relapse keep your distance, do not get sucked in, you're life (sobriety) is at stake. You don't need phone calls at all hours of the night, nor do you need to be the keep of someone else's court, baby, friend, spouse drama. Feel free to meet and discuss their issues at a reasonable time of day over coffee for an hour but no emergency meetings, no late night meetings, etc. If domestic violence is involved give them the number to the hotline, by you getting involved you could become a target yourself.

8. If somebody is actively using do not spend any time with them. Adopt a no tolerance policy. NA is one of the best places to make connections to get substances. Dealers are not very obvious when they are networking a meeting, they put out benign feelers.

I have others but those are the main ones. I know I sound very cold but I didn't randomly pick these out of thin air, they unfortunately came from experience. Your goal in early recovery is to minimize any and all drama in your life and unfortunately, many addicts have a lot of drama that follows them in early recovery. My life's experience has taught me to plan for the worst but hope for the best, and to do damage control before it's needed. I no longer put myself at risk.

This is a wicked good post Moreaux!
 
The ability to have a fresh start in a new place is an absolutely amazing gift. I'm very happy for you having this opportunity. I would look into joining a gym to meet people (who will be positive influences on you). I'd also suggest having a browse of meetup-style websites and see if anything you are interested in comes up. I'm a bit too anxious to do this myself, but my sister did this when she moved last year and she met some really cool people. I'm not huge on 12-steps, partially due to the reasons covered above (the last thing I want to do in attempt to avoid drugs is to sit in a circle with people talking about drugs), but if you do want to go, I'd suggest trying out the morning meetings first. The predators or court-mandated people tend to not really go to the 5am meetings.

Using dreams are tough. I actually still have two varieties of them: (1) the typical "fruitlessly chasing the drugs on foot" kind of dreams (you know, the ones with that odd little fact that you never end up getting high) (2) dreams that don't involve drugs per se, but take me back to that hollow, listless feeling of acute withdrawal. Unfortunately, there is not a lot that we can do about our dreams. Just know that you are not alone having to battle through this stuff. There are some phone apps out there that attempt to influence dreams via periodic music in the night, so perhaps look into those? I have never tried them, but I think it would be cool to look into - especially the ones that try and trigger lucid dreaming.
 
Addicts are master manipulators as we have to be in order function and feed the addiction.

How naive am I...I never thought an NA meeting would be grounds for dealers to build clientele.

I am ever so vigilant with my circle, even more so after reading your list. Thank you.
 
Yep I'm in the same situation. I'm a month sober frm iv opiates and feeling better physically but I have using dreams almost every night. Instead of being like ohhh damn I hate that!! I use them to learn from. Its training to say no! I wake up every morning and remind myself that was just a dream and I can create whatever reality I please. I'm struggling too, but my resolve is strong! Just keep remembering how badly you wanted to get out when you were in the thick of it. Don't ever forget. Its the bane of addicts! We forget easily. High pain threshold or something. High capacity for bullshit. Its not ok too be sick for 1 day. Its not ok to take a couple percs or whatever. Hang in there. Tis will get better!

and damn yo with the way you guys talk about meetings what is even the point in going? I thought we trying to get outa that world lol. Sounds horrible. I can't go personally cuz it just triggers me.
 
I've actually been afraid to check out the one NA meeting in my new town because I'm worried it would be a great way to meet some new connects. I've been trying to look into options that aren't necessarily involving the 12 steps but where I'm at that's really all you hear about.
 
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