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standing up to her

citizen cained

citizen cained

Bluelighter
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Sep 25, 2010
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ok right, I feel a lil weird posting this but here go's:

I love my girlfriend a lot and I know she loves me however, sometimes she can be sarcastic and disrespectful towards me and I normally just let it go over me and let her abuse me because I hate conflict and arguments.
She has mentioned before that she would like it if I showed emotions such as anger once in a while (and she isnt the only GF I have had which has mentioned this). I think she is basicly asking me to stand up to her when she is like this. For example, when she is being disrespectful I think she wants me to tell her off for it, basicly not take her shit.

So to my question, how can I do this? I am a calm person who rarely gets angry and when I do I often keep it inside rather than punch someone or what ever, as I said I hate conflict and I fear that if I stood up to her it will turn into a huge argument and she would leave me. I need to let her know that I love her and respect her but I expect the same respect in return, I need to let her know that I won't stand for her occasional sarcasm or put downs.

She can be a nice, considerate person and in fact, is most of the time otherwise I wouldn't want to be with her its just this little demon she has which I need to get rid of or control.

Thanks.
 
for me, i had to be totally crushed, controlled, chewed up and spat out by a fucking bitch.

don't be her bitch, don't be a wuss, do what you want, get a general fuck you attitude, but not like an ass. this may be hard to understand if you're on the other side, but it's well worth learning to save yourself and your relationship. think of her breakouts as "tests" that you fail by letting her win.
 
You don't necessarily fail by letting her win, you fail by not even putting up a fight. If you "keep something inside" then it means you obviously want to let it out to some degree. In a sense you aren't being honest with her by not letting her know how you think about this sort of thing. You gotta think before you speak, but don't think about it so much that it eats you up and you overreact to her behavior eventually causing more problems.
 
you really need to remind yourself that hiding your feelings to avoid a fight is often worse than just being honest and dealing with the conflict. part of it is definitely just having the balls to stand your ground, but it also sounds like, somewhere in your mind, you've really prioritized "not fighting" as a desirable outcome. fighting for the sake of fighting obviously isn't healthy, but neither is acquiescing for the sake of avoiding it. you're not just being a wimp - you're being dishonest. so that's the reasoned intellectual explanation so that you don't think im promoting regressive gender roles and antisocial behavior when i say MAN THE FUCK UP AND QUIT LETTING HER PUSH YOU AROUND OR ELSE YOUR ASS IS GONNA GET DUMPED FOR BEING TOO NICE. then you're gonna see her with some new guy and you'll realize it's too late to do anything about all those feelings you repressed for the sake of something that doesn't even exist anymore.
 
@Johhny - that's fuckin funny but quite possibly true

A woman wants a man. If she's bucking up to you and you tuck tail, well she's prolly thinking if you cant stand up to her and put her in her place (not like physical violence or raging psycho) then how well can you stand up for her in other situations where she might need her man. It's a fine line. I've dumped really nice guys cus I could run all over them. I didn't feel safe. She's prolly a handful but you love her so you gotta deal with it. Sometimes you have to fight for what you love or in this case who you love. Next time she acts out (cus that's what it sounds like) let her know your not just a man but her man and she can't push you around. There is nothing wrong with an argument every once and a while. It can clear the air between two ppl. Let it out bro...just my 2cents.
 
You need to be willing to walk away from her entirely, and at any time. If she misbehaves let her know you don't appreciate it. If she escalates the fight because you made a stand tell her to take her bullshit and leave. If you seem truly unconcerned about loosing her, she will feel jealous and covet you all the more.

Also, please feel free to disagree, but every woman I have ever met is argumentative. If you don't give them something to bitch about, they will find something. Being nicer and giving ground never works. It might help if you found some small ways to piss her off, at least that gives her the fight shes spoiling for and keeps trouble away from more important areas of the relationship.
 
Put two fingers in her vagina with your right hand and with your left hand let two fingers rub lightly over her clitoris,that should calm her down.
 
I have lost a lot of loved ones in my life, so for me my attitude is something like " I love you but dont think for one fucking second i NEED you" I have just had too many important people in my life go away to give a fuck about a girl leaving me over some s tupid argument
 
I need to let her know that I won't stand for her occasional sarcasm or put downs.
Click to expand...
8)

Move over Pol Pot. We've got a new badass in town. This chick makes sarcastic remakes and now and then puts someone down, all ol Pot ever did was arrange for mass executions and pervasive torture.

No, seriously bro, I would really suggest being able to a) handle a bit of a verbal pot stirring and generic IRL trolling and b) be able to reply in turn with decently witty and well played sarcasm and occasional criticism. Aside from being throughoutly entertaining in its own right. A bit of discorse and dissent is a good thing, it helps one to examine ones own thoughts and actions against a critic, perhaps bringing about new or changed insight into these thoughts and actions which can be a great help in generally improving as a person. (It is very hard to even notice the potential for improvement with being aware of potential flaws that another person postulates, and this will apply to her from your action of showing dissent)
 
Man up and be assertive.

Don't take her shit - tell her how it makes you feel when she disrespects you.

Only take it for so long after you have done these before telling her you don't need this shit, you can find someone better.

Reap the rewards. You have not given her an ultimatum, you've just told her what's up.
 
TBH, when I'm sarcastic and dismissive like this, I've lost all respect for the person and the relationship is over for me. The more the guy lets me do it, the more respect I lose for them. It's not intentional. I just think it doesn't hit me that the relationship is over until I realize I just want the person to go away.

I tolerate a whole lot less than I used to, but I've done the thing where you try to rationalize and hold it in in the hopes that it will get better, but I think once people are done with their partner, it's really hard to go back to that loving relationship.

However, sometimes people just need a break from each other.
 
Thanks. :) At the end of the day, you have to be happy, and I think sarcastic nasty remarks come from a bigger problem that the person is unhappy and just settling for a warm body next to them. It's sad, because no one wants to come to the realization that this person you loved a whole lot is someone you can't stand to be around anymore. You want to tell yourself that it's A or B and you can work through it, but forcing the relationship on yourself turns into resentment.
 
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