drgreenthumb00
Bluelighter
Hi everyone.
Ive been a member here foreva. I just havent been on here in a long minute.
I saw the SSRI/MDMA thread but this is a question kind of geared in a different direction. I was hoping the mods will leave this thread open. I didn't want to piggyback the other thread and have my question go unnoticed.
OK so I've been rolling since probably 2000. At times abused it huge. I still occasionally roll here and there. My tolerance is so high and do to the shitty crappy rolls with the pipes in them I easily need 2or3 just to feel anything and within no time up up to 10 rolls or so. I remember back in the day it was meth/speed. Anyways Ive always enjoyed this board. Learned alot about harm reduction and a bunch of other things.
Now Ive abused a lot of drugs in my past. MDMA being #1. I'm not saying that my mental chemical balance is definitely due to MDMA, but it has played a role. I've had numerous head injuries that the specialists said maybe a cause for most of my mental illnesses. But here we go.
I regularly see a psychiatrist and he even sent me off to specialists to be evaluated. They said I have ADHD, anxiety, and panic attacks through the charts. My psychiatrist thinks boarder line depression but I don't think so. There was a time in my life when I was very depressed and suicidal thoughts. But this usually only happened after a long weekend of partying with the E.
Now I have ADHD, anxiety/panic attacks, bad memory ect........ I honestly think I did some damage to my serotonin receptors. I think I basically fried the serotonin and it is going to take a long time to recover. I played off to my shrink and specialists that Ive never abused any drugs but have used recreationally. I was afraid of what would happen if I told them I was an addict.
Anyways my psychiatrist recently got introuble by the medical board. Hes not a stupid doctor he knows the deal. He talks to me about abusing the drugs and selling them and so forth. He hooks me up with the addys and I'm thankful for it. The adderalls help a lot with thinking clearly and not so foggy and constantly tired and scattered brained. I know adderall contributes to my anxiety and panic attacks. But I had these effects way before I started adderall.
He told me he doesnt want to put me on benzos cuz of addiction then weaning off and he doesnt want me to have another street value drug ontop of the adderall. This is definitely the medical board speaking cuz he hooks my girl up with 160mg addys day and 4 xanax bars a day even tho she says she only needs 2. he had her on this before he got in trouble.
1st SSRI I was on was prozac (took it for one month). It seemed to make me emotionless and gave me the shits all day everyday. Im sure people can relate. He waited a month for it to leave my system and stuck me on Celexa. It was half of the smallest dosage pill (10mg i think) 1st night I took before bed. The next day I felt like I was hit by a truck, constantly yawning, hot and cold flashes, increased panic attacks, racing heart beat, muscle pains and aches. It was overpowering my adderall. I'm on 80mg a day. He tells me to call him wheneva there is bad side effects. 3 Weeks ago he put me on Zoloft. What ever the smallest dosage was once again horrible side effects. The drug sedated me so bad I was acting as if I drank a 12 pack. Many people asked me what the hell am I on. What ever it is get off it now.
So I called my psychiatrist. I told him I tried it two or 3 days so it wouldn't sound that bad. I know all the SSRI it takes a lil while to pass the side effects and a month or so for them to work effectively. I looked up online and I was suffering the most severe side effects listed. I told my doctor that these were all on the smallest doses possible. I dont want to continue because I'm afraid of what a higher dose might due.
Now I honestly think my past drug use (mostly MDMA) and head injuries really messed up my serotonin, the receptors, maybe even serotonin syndrome/deficiency whatever.
My questions is a multi part question:
1. SSRI could they not work properly and cause bad side effects due to my possible serotonin problem?
2. I self medicate myself with benzos. I have no bad side effects like I did on SSRI. They work wonders. I know its not a good thing (I get withdrawals within 24 hrs of not having any). But for my well being i am slowly lowering my dosage and gradually switching over to valium. I did my research on how to help with benzo withdrawals.
3. Do SSRIs and Benzos chemically work the same way or act differently. I'm trying to understand why the SSRI produce such harsh side effects and don't work like they should. Unlike the Benzos which in combination with my adderall I feel normal and feel like my real self.
4. Until I fully understand all this, because I don't wanna act like a donkey and drug seeking retard. Should I tell my doctor about my past MDMA abuse (thats all I am going to mention)? Should I mention to him how I self medicate with benzos and they work? He randomly drug tests since the board threatened him. I came up dirty for addys (obviously), opiates (i use but dont abuse cuz $$) but I had a script for them cuz I almost broke my neck recently, and benzos. He did his research before I already came in. He knew where I got my opiates but the benzos he questioned.
He tells me all the time about clients who drug seek, abuse the meds, and after the talk with the SSRIs (which was last Tuesday) he talked about peoples metabolism rates and how it has an effect on certain things. He told me he didnt want to ruin my turkey day by putting me on a new med but he would call me Monday and call in a script of something. Of course he never did. Understandable Im not his only client and I will talk to him later this month at my next visit.
I want to understand the SSRIs/Benzos effect on my serotonin damaged brain. Depending on what the reasoning is for these effects, do you people think he will tell me to screw off and cut me as a client, or do you think he will listen and understand and start me on a benzo.....
Please my fellow intelligent bluelighters with knowledge or experience with this leave feedback. Thanks a million !!!!!!!
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Ive been a member here foreva. I just havent been on here in a long minute.
I saw the SSRI/MDMA thread but this is a question kind of geared in a different direction. I was hoping the mods will leave this thread open. I didn't want to piggyback the other thread and have my question go unnoticed.
OK so I've been rolling since probably 2000. At times abused it huge. I still occasionally roll here and there. My tolerance is so high and do to the shitty crappy rolls with the pipes in them I easily need 2or3 just to feel anything and within no time up up to 10 rolls or so. I remember back in the day it was meth/speed. Anyways Ive always enjoyed this board. Learned alot about harm reduction and a bunch of other things.
Now Ive abused a lot of drugs in my past. MDMA being #1. I'm not saying that my mental chemical balance is definitely due to MDMA, but it has played a role. I've had numerous head injuries that the specialists said maybe a cause for most of my mental illnesses. But here we go.
I regularly see a psychiatrist and he even sent me off to specialists to be evaluated. They said I have ADHD, anxiety, and panic attacks through the charts. My psychiatrist thinks boarder line depression but I don't think so. There was a time in my life when I was very depressed and suicidal thoughts. But this usually only happened after a long weekend of partying with the E.
Now I have ADHD, anxiety/panic attacks, bad memory ect........ I honestly think I did some damage to my serotonin receptors. I think I basically fried the serotonin and it is going to take a long time to recover. I played off to my shrink and specialists that Ive never abused any drugs but have used recreationally. I was afraid of what would happen if I told them I was an addict.
Anyways my psychiatrist recently got introuble by the medical board. Hes not a stupid doctor he knows the deal. He talks to me about abusing the drugs and selling them and so forth. He hooks me up with the addys and I'm thankful for it. The adderalls help a lot with thinking clearly and not so foggy and constantly tired and scattered brained. I know adderall contributes to my anxiety and panic attacks. But I had these effects way before I started adderall.
He told me he doesnt want to put me on benzos cuz of addiction then weaning off and he doesnt want me to have another street value drug ontop of the adderall. This is definitely the medical board speaking cuz he hooks my girl up with 160mg addys day and 4 xanax bars a day even tho she says she only needs 2. he had her on this before he got in trouble.
1st SSRI I was on was prozac (took it for one month). It seemed to make me emotionless and gave me the shits all day everyday. Im sure people can relate. He waited a month for it to leave my system and stuck me on Celexa. It was half of the smallest dosage pill (10mg i think) 1st night I took before bed. The next day I felt like I was hit by a truck, constantly yawning, hot and cold flashes, increased panic attacks, racing heart beat, muscle pains and aches. It was overpowering my adderall. I'm on 80mg a day. He tells me to call him wheneva there is bad side effects. 3 Weeks ago he put me on Zoloft. What ever the smallest dosage was once again horrible side effects. The drug sedated me so bad I was acting as if I drank a 12 pack. Many people asked me what the hell am I on. What ever it is get off it now.
So I called my psychiatrist. I told him I tried it two or 3 days so it wouldn't sound that bad. I know all the SSRI it takes a lil while to pass the side effects and a month or so for them to work effectively. I looked up online and I was suffering the most severe side effects listed. I told my doctor that these were all on the smallest doses possible. I dont want to continue because I'm afraid of what a higher dose might due.
Now I honestly think my past drug use (mostly MDMA) and head injuries really messed up my serotonin, the receptors, maybe even serotonin syndrome/deficiency whatever.
My questions is a multi part question:
1. SSRI could they not work properly and cause bad side effects due to my possible serotonin problem?
2. I self medicate myself with benzos. I have no bad side effects like I did on SSRI. They work wonders. I know its not a good thing (I get withdrawals within 24 hrs of not having any). But for my well being i am slowly lowering my dosage and gradually switching over to valium. I did my research on how to help with benzo withdrawals.
3. Do SSRIs and Benzos chemically work the same way or act differently. I'm trying to understand why the SSRI produce such harsh side effects and don't work like they should. Unlike the Benzos which in combination with my adderall I feel normal and feel like my real self.
4. Until I fully understand all this, because I don't wanna act like a donkey and drug seeking retard. Should I tell my doctor about my past MDMA abuse (thats all I am going to mention)? Should I mention to him how I self medicate with benzos and they work? He randomly drug tests since the board threatened him. I came up dirty for addys (obviously), opiates (i use but dont abuse cuz $$) but I had a script for them cuz I almost broke my neck recently, and benzos. He did his research before I already came in. He knew where I got my opiates but the benzos he questioned.
He tells me all the time about clients who drug seek, abuse the meds, and after the talk with the SSRIs (which was last Tuesday) he talked about peoples metabolism rates and how it has an effect on certain things. He told me he didnt want to ruin my turkey day by putting me on a new med but he would call me Monday and call in a script of something. Of course he never did. Understandable Im not his only client and I will talk to him later this month at my next visit.
I want to understand the SSRIs/Benzos effect on my serotonin damaged brain. Depending on what the reasoning is for these effects, do you people think he will tell me to screw off and cut me as a client, or do you think he will listen and understand and start me on a benzo.....
Please my fellow intelligent bluelighters with knowledge or experience with this leave feedback. Thanks a million !!!!!!!
