Beautiful!So, EDC. This may wander a bit, but I’m writing it as much for me as for any readers.
tl;dr: fantastic weekend. Danced with my hands over my head, without self-consciousness, in public, for the first time in my life.
The weekend had its challenges. Showed up to learn the tents wouldn’t have the advertised air conditioning, which would make sleeping in the Las Vegas sun inside the tents uncomfortable. Also I thought we’d be able to pick an area of camp to stay in, as we checked in fairly early, but got a “This is your site” statement instead. I probably could have said something, but didn’t, because I don't like to ask for special handling. But my tent was right off one of the 4 main entrances to the Mesa and directly across from a generator station. And located directly in the path of unimpeded soundwaves pumping from the camp stage. So when I would get back from the night, pretty wired from the sensory stimulation (I’m autistic), I’d lay there for a while till things got too hot, listening (flinching each time it restarted after a break) to whoompf-whoompf-whoompf-whoompf, then go out to one of the tarped chill areas in a quiet section of camp and try to doze for a few hours.
But that stuff happens. I wasn’t going to let any minor annoyances ruin the weekend.
Night one, my wife and I got split up threading our way into Oakenfold. I did a couple 360s during the set, scanning, but never saw her. But I was dancing by myself in a crowd, and was comfortable doing that. (That’s new.) At one point I did get my hands up briefly, but it was a moment. Still, I appreciated it. I figured, Hey, I didn’t push that, so, good enough. I relaxed. I stopped thinking about it.
Night three, Eric Prydz. When I dance at night at home, Prydz is always in there somewhere, so I’m familiar with his stuff, important to me if I want to dance less hesitantly. He rolled through some stuff with a strong, driving beat, which got me moving with some energy. Then he got into music that to me carries more emotion. And then the most amazing things started to happen.
A couple women came up to my wife through the set to give kandi or necklace gifts, or to compliment her. I was very happy about that, as she has her own insecurities though they don’t show in her dancing. Her night was made, I thought, and so I was content and happy, dancing along while watching.
And ... from off to our left, a woman drifted in dancing and pantomiming to us, engaging us both. Cool. I really dug in and tried to focus, wanting to give as well as get. And the dancing got more intense for me.
Somewhere in there as my energy rose, I could feel my arms slowly lifting from the low positions where I usually hold them when I dance. Hands and elbows were more out than down now. Still felt good.
I reset my feet and rooted, because I was starting to think that this might happen, and my hips start to move. Let’s fucking get down. At some point my eyes closed, because my focus on the movement and the music was intense. I need to feel it.
And then, somehow, my hands were floating up in concert with the music and I was still dancing. It all felt integrated; it all felt right; and I was completely in the moment. Then they were UP.
I had this mental imagery of (sounds stupid, but it’s descriptive) a beam of light/energy emanating from down there somewhere and emitting out through my hands and waving through space as I danced. It was a powerful feeling and I almost lost my stance a couple times as I danced; I felt barely in control.
And then, slowly, my eyes opened as I danced, I smiled and nodded my gratitude to this anonymous graceful, beautiful woman who had facilitated the entire thing, and it was all back to what it had been before. Except I had done something I had never, ever done before in my life. I was honestly feeling stunned and a little dazed.
I thought it had been about 30 seconds. My wife said it was more like 10-15 minutes.
So, there it is. An autistic abuse survivor, a lifetime of self-doubt, fear, shame, no self-esteem, you name it, danced freely – freely! – under the electric sky. It’s just one story from one night at EDC. But I like it.
That is absolutely beautiful and made me smile BIG! Thank you so much for sharing that with us!! I don't know you, but I am proud of you and happy for you that you had that moment and those feelingsSo, EDC. This may wander a bit, but I’m writing it as much for me as for any readers.
tl;dr: fantastic weekend. Danced with my hands over my head, without self-consciousness, in public, for the first time in my life.
The weekend had its challenges. Showed up to learn the tents wouldn’t have the advertised air conditioning, which would make sleeping in the Las Vegas sun inside the tents uncomfortable. Also I thought we’d be able to pick an area of camp to stay in, as we checked in fairly early, but got a “This is your site” statement instead. I probably could have said something, but didn’t, because I don't like to ask for special handling. But my tent was right off one of the 4 main entrances to the Mesa and directly across from a generator station. And located directly in the path of unimpeded soundwaves pumping from the camp stage. So when I would get back from the night, pretty wired from the sensory stimulation (I’m autistic), I’d lay there for a while till things got too hot, listening (flinching each time it restarted after a break) to whoompf-whoompf-whoompf-whoompf, then go out to one of the tarped chill areas in a quiet section of camp and try to doze for a few hours.
But that stuff happens. I wasn’t going to let any minor annoyances ruin the weekend.
Night one, my wife and I got split up threading our way into Oakenfold. I did a couple 360s during the set, scanning, but never saw her. But I was dancing by myself in a crowd, and was comfortable doing that. (That’s new.) At one point I did get my hands up briefly, but it was a moment. Still, I appreciated it. I figured, Hey, I didn’t push that, so, good enough. I relaxed. I stopped thinking about it.
Night three, Eric Prydz. When I dance at night at home, Prydz is always in there somewhere, so I’m familiar with his stuff, important to me if I want to dance less hesitantly. He rolled through some stuff with a strong, driving beat, which got me moving with some energy. Then he got into music that to me carries more emotion. And then the most amazing things started to happen.
A couple women had come up up to my wife during the set so far to give kandi or necklace gifts, or to compliment her. I was very happy about that, as she has her own insecurities though they don’t show in her dancing. Her night was made, I thought, and so I was content and happy, dancing along while watching.
And ... from off to our left, a woman drifted in dancing and pantomiming to us, engaging us both. Cool. I really dug in and tried to focus, wanting to give as well as get. And the dancing got more intense for me.
Somewhere in there as my energy rose, I could feel my arms slowly lifting from the low positions where I usually hold them when I dance. Hands and elbows were more out than down now. Still felt good.
I reset my feet and rooted, because I was starting to think that this might happen, and my hips start to move. Let’s fucking get down. At some point my eyes closed, because my focus on the movement and the music was intense. I need to feel it.
And then, somehow, my hands were floating up in concert with the music and I was still dancing. It all felt integrated; it all felt right; and I was completely in the moment. Then they were UP.
I had this mental imagery of (sounds stupid, but it’s descriptive) a beam of light/energy emanating from down there somewhere and emitting out through my hands and waving and whipping through space as I danced. It was a powerful feeling and I almost lost my stance a couple times as I danced; I felt barely in control.
And then, slowly, my eyes opened as I danced. I smiled and nodded my gratitude to this anonymous graceful, beautiful woman who had facilitated the entire thing, and it was all back to what it had been before. Except I had done something I had never, ever done before in my life. I was honestly feeling stunned and a little dazed.
I thought it had been about 30 seconds. My wife said it was more like 10-15 minutes.
So, there it is. An autistic abuse survivor, a lifetime of self-doubt, fear, shame, no self-esteem, you name it, danced freely – freely! – under the electric sky. It’s just one story from one night at EDC. But I like it.
