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Mental Health Sometimes it's reasonable to be depressed

M

MountainTrails

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 6, 2019
Messages
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Inside looking out && outside looking in
Yeah, so. I've dealt with depression on and off my whole life. But the past 5 years, damn.

The marriage went sideways for a while. It's better now, which is a relief as we've been married almost 40 years. But a 5-year estrangement sucked.

Lost a 25-year job via some astounding dishonesty by a couple people I had trusted. And there went all my nonfamily socialization (I'm ASD). Plus COVID. I sit in the house or stay in the yard mostly. The jobs go to younger people. "We're looking for someone who's a better fit to the team."

But I have my support dog (abuse, maybe C-PTSD) for physical contact and to talk to-- nope, cancer, died last October.

Still have the grandkids to hug-- nope, now 2000 miles away since last month.

Just got back from racing to get to my father in time before he passed. (I did get there in time.) Got to sit in hospice for a few days while I watched Pop fade. It was sudden and unexpected. I did get a few hand squeezes, though no speech. Now I have his estate to settle. And have to get Ma settled into assisted living. 500 miles away. I spend a lot of time on Route 80 in Wyoming. Winter on that road is a trip; that's coming soon enough.

And Ma has congestive heart failure, kidney failure, Parkinson's, diabetes, and a bunch of other problems. She has declined any further medical interventions, even transfusions. I wonder if I'll get Pop's estate settled before I have to deal with Ma's.

Realistically, there just aren't any good reasons to smile these days. My emotions seem pretty far away most days, till they don't.

That's all. Just venting. I'm a "hunker down and endure it" type, not the other thing.
 
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MountainTrails said:
Yeah, so. I've dealt with depression on and off my whole life. But the past 5 years, damn.

Wife hit menopause and the marriage went sideways with some crazy accusations. This one's getting better now, which is a relief as we've been married almost 40 years. But a 5-year estrangement sucks.

Lost a 25-year job via some astounding dishonesty by a couple people I had trusted. And there went all my nonfamily socialization (I'm ASD). Plus COVID. I sit in the house or stay in the yard mostly. The jobs go to younger people. "We're looking for someone who's a better fit to the team."

But I have my support dog (abuse, maybe C-PTSD) for physical contact and to talk to-- nope, cancer, died last October.

Still have the grandkids to hug-- nope, now 2000 miles away since last month.

Just got back from racing to get to my father in time before he passed. (I did get there in time.) Got to sit in hospice for a few days while I watched Pop fade. It was sudden and unexpected. I did get a few hand squeezes, though no speech. Now I have his estate to settle. And have to get Ma settled into assisted living. 500 miles away. I spend a lot of time on Route 80 in Wyoming. Winter on that road is a trip; that's coming soon enough.

And Ma has congestive heart failure, kidney failure, Parkinson's, diabetes, and a bunch of other problems. She has declined any further medical interventions, even transfusions. I wonder if I'll get Pop's estate settled before I have to deal with Ma's.

Realistically, there just aren't any good reasons to smile these days. My emotions seem pretty far away most days, till they don't.

That's all. Just venting. I'm a "hunker down and endure it" type, not the other thing.
Click to expand...

That's not depression.
It's an EXTREMELY common mistake.
Basically, if you can say "I'm depressed because...." you don't have depression. Depression is a mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The same way you can't be diagnosed with depression if somebody close to you has died in the last six months (because that means you are experiencing grief, which is a natural and normal reaction to death), if you have events in your life that are causing you to feel very sad, or anxious or stressed: then you are feeling a COMPLETELY NORMAL emotional reaction.

I don't know you and am not dismissing your experiences or feeling and am certainly not trying to tell you you don't (or have never had) depression, I'm just saying that in the example you gave, those feelings are normal.

I am very sorry you are going through such a rough time.
 
I appreciate the comments, thanks.

Probably the one thing that bothers me is the current flat affect. I've gone through much of my life disengaged from my feelings, and made some progress a number of years ago. (That's a separate story, but interesting to me. I've never "felt" what people generally look for with MDMA, but there were distinct changes afterward along the lines of emotions -- accessibility, awareness, whatever -- that were very satisfying.)

My normal state of mind I'd describe as clear and analytic. But now it's back to feeling underwater as I move through life. I honestly take that as a defense mechanism that should recede over time.

Thanks again. I really wanted to write this out somewhere -- maybe get it out, look at it, and move on in some way -- and figured this was the place.
 
Of course depression is a rational response to life events. It's very often reasonable, and it is difficult to resolve that sort of depression with CBT, unless the patients are easily brainwashed.
 
candidsurprise said:
Of course depression is a rational response to life events. It's very often reasonable, and it is difficult to resolve that sort of depression with CBT, unless the patients are easily brainwashed.
Click to expand...

I agree circumstantial depression can be a gift and a curse. In some ways it’s nice knowing it’s all related to something external, but if those things can’t be changed it can shatter a person.

-GC
 
G_Chem said:
I agree circumstantial depression can be a gift and a curse. In some ways it’s nice knowing it’s all related to something external, but if those things can’t be changed it can shatter a person.

-GC
Click to expand...

Very well said. I am one of these cases of intractable negative life circumstances, it is why I turned to drugs.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
That's not depression.
It's an EXTREMELY common mistake.
Basically, if you can say "I'm depressed because...." you don't have depression. Depression is a mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The same way you can't be diagnosed with depression if somebody close to you has died in the last six months (because that means you are experiencing grief, which is a natural and normal reaction to death), if you have events in your life that are causing you to feel very sad, or anxious or stressed: then you are feeling a COMPLETELY NORMAL emotional reaction.

I don't know you and am not dismissing your experiences or feeling and am certainly not trying to tell you you don't (or have never had) depression, I'm just saying that in the example you gave, those feelings are normal.

I am very sorry you are going through such a rough time.
Click to expand...
Hrmmm, whilst I definitely see what you're saying and agree to some extent, circumstantial depression is definitely a thing. Depression as a reaction to life events can occur, as it can actually cause the chemical imbalance in the brain that mimics the "true"/medical depression, and medication can be required to rectify that imbalance.
 


There are many causes, forms and states of depression

I agree that a sometimes depression is normal/natural as a reaction to unfortunate events.

I might suggest that depression could, in some scenarios, actually be your body's natural mechanism to motivate you into doing something to survive, it motivates you to seek out that dopamine (food/sex for example, cave man survival)

But there are absolutely unnatural depressions from drugs, neurochemical conditions, etc
 
n3ophy7e said:
Hrmmm, whilst I definitely see what you're saying and agree to some extent, circumstantial depression is definitely a thing. Depression as a reaction to life events can occur, as it can actually cause the chemical imbalance in the brain that mimics the "true"/medical depression, and medication can be required to rectify that imbalance.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I would agree with that. I still wouldn't call that depression but I agree that people in that situation can temporarily need medication to help them through a really tough time in their lives. Just because they are experiencing a normal emotional reaction rather than depression, it doesn't mean they aren't suffering and they should certainly be treated with sympathy and given anti-depressants if they will help them.
 
So life goes on. I'm still not operating with a good level of efficiency, and find myself procrastinating about anything unpleasant. But I'm aware of it.

I'm really looking forward to next weekend. In 2019 I went to EDC not really knowing what to expect, but knowing I needed to shift gears somehow. A lifetime of negative internal dialogue, a recent job loss, etc. etc. I thought that the PLUR "everyone is welcome here" vibe was just the thing if I was going to just relax and find/be myself. Is there a better environment to feel like you're not being judged and to work on not being invisible? So I sat in the concourse on night one and screwed in my earplugs, heart pounding a little bit, and went in. I wore bright colors, danced, met people, hugged and traded kandi, and just had a fantastic time.

This year my only goal is to dance with my hands over my head without concern about how it looks. That might seem tiny or silly to a lot of people, but it's absolutely massive just fucking massive for me. I think I might get it done. Somewhere in the sea of humanity on night one, a long pair of arms may slowly, tentatively rise, or maybe they'll just thrust up in a moment. I look forward to the experience. That feeling of just being in the moment and enjoying it all completely.
 
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You definitely get it. Thank you for your words of support and encouragement! I have a positive attitude going in, some previous experience to build on, and I am psyched. Maybe not psyched about the Camp EDC shower floors, but ... well, you know. :)

It's going to be a great weekend.
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
That's not depression.
It's an EXTREMELY common mistake.
Basically, if you can say "I'm depressed because...." you don't have depression. Depression is a mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The same way you can't be diagnosed with depression if somebody close to you has died in the last six months (because that means you are experiencing grief, which is a natural and normal reaction to death), if you have events in your life that are causing you to feel very sad, or anxious or stressed: then you are feeling a COMPLETELY NORMAL emotional reaction.

I don't know you and am not dismissing your experiences or feeling and am certainly not trying to tell you you don't (or have never had) depression, I'm just saying that in the example you gave, those feelings are normal.

I am very sorry you are going through such a rough time.
Click to expand...

How do you know that chemical imbalance is the ultimate cause? Likely, our culture is the cause for many cases of chemical imbalance, where impact of personal events is not obviously implicated. The human organism isn't necessarily evolved to handle the consequences of our technological progress.

Also, this definition is simplified to begin with. A discernable cause does not exclude clinical depression. The illness is defined by relative permanence and unresponsiveness to improved conditions, not by being mysterious in origin.
 
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