Someone came into my house :-(

[Bitter and Tainted]

I'm not sure if this is in the right place, so apologies if it's not.

A few weeks ago, I was in my front garden with my baby in the paddling pool...my back door was open (it was a really hot day) and whilst we were outside someone came into my house and stole some stuff including the little ipod I got for my daughter only 3 days before, my purse, my phone which was on charge in the kitchen, and my camera from the kitchen drawer.
I came inside unaware someone was in my house and walked into the kitchen carrying my baby, he swore at me and pulled a knife.
Thank god he didn't try and use it, but he ran passed me and in the process poushed me into the worktop very hard causing my babys legs to get trapped.
The police were called and they dusted for prints on the door handles and cupboards but he was wearing gloves so i'm not very optimistic :-(

It might seem pretty insignificant compared to what some people go through, but this has left me in bits, i'm constantly nervous, on edge scared to be in the house by myself. I'm not sleeping because I lay awake for hours thinking I can hear something outside and someone is trying to break in. I can't sit and relax with my SO anymore, and my house is locked up like fort knox.

I know it was totally my own fault for leaving the door unlocked, and I hate myself and can't stop thinking about what could have potentially happened
I don't let my children go out to play anymore.

I'm upset that someone has my camera which has literally hundreds of photos of my kids on, I feel violated :-(

I had a visit from my local community support officer and she suggested I go and talk to my GP, which i'm doing tomorrow.
I don't want to feel like this I need it to go away, I have 3 children and want to feel normal again.

I know she will suggest councelling (and I have no problem with that) but i'm not so sure if she will give me anything for the anxiety and sleep problem.
I have access to various pills if I ever want them (though the only recreational drug i've ever really done is codeine and coke years ago)

So i'd like a bit of advice as to what would be best to help me feel a bit calmer and help me relax a bit and stop feeling so worried.

Thank you so much for listening

 

[paranoid android]

I don't blame you for being scared. If i had kids and some prick with a knife broke into my house id be pretty scared as well. Don't blame yourself though as that is a recipe for disaster and you wherent at fault. It's not like you could predict that someone was going to bust in. If it's any concilation the chances of him ever coming back are very very slim since if he has any brain cell at all he would know that going back to a place he had broken into is asking to be caught.

The only advice i can give you is try and go see a counciler or someone as often just talking about it helps.

 

[Bitter and Tainted]

Thing is, i'm a rational person...and a part of me knows he's not coming back, and the chances of it happening again are slim, but I just cannot seem to shake this paranoia and feeling anxious all the time..:-(

I have no problem talking to someone about it, hopefully i'll feel better after a chat with the GP

 

[Sadie]

Counselling helps quite a bit. Also, your GP should provide you with something for your anxiety in the short term. IME its usually diazipam. This should also help with your sleep. You need to ask for these things as you cannot heal or come to terms with things if you're unable to get some good sleep or relax. This will help you to the first steps the second is counselling. Sadly the third step is more difficult to accept and that is time. Time will help you but time is not what you have right now.

Go to your GP and get your counselling. I've been through similar and its not nice. All the best of luck to yourself and your family at this time. Remember, BL'rs are always about to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. For the most part we all look out for each other. Please, let us know how you get on and remember, everything you feel is normal and you have every single right to any emotion you wish at this time.



Stay strong and get better.

 

[anterrabae]

I agree with PA on possibly getting a script for a benzodiazepine while you're still in panic mode and unable to sleep or think of anything but the break-in. However if you do receive this type of medication, take it only when needed and stop taking it as soon as you are able to cope with what has happened.

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but if you can, try and focus on the positive. Yes, materials, expensive materials were stolen, but most importantly, neither you nor you children were harmed. Material things can be replaced, your children cannot.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thing is, i'm a rational person...and a part of me knows he's not coming back, and the chances of it happening again are slim, but I just cannot seem to shake this paranoia and feeling anxious all the time..:-(

Hun, these are the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, which can develop after an extremely disturbing occurence. It can definitely be treated, and talking to your GP is the first step. Having a break-in is one of my top fears in life and it disrupts my sleep every night so I really can empathise with how you feel after it actually happening. I can only imagine how much of an intrusion on your personal space and security is was. But you will get over this, you will feel normal and comfortable again. Good luck hun, and if you need to talk to anyone on here about how you're feeling/coping, please don't hesitate to PM one of us mods

 

[Draigan]

WHen I was really young, a peeping TOm was literally 4 inches away from me, through a window. I was lying down on my bed which was against the window...

It scared the fucking shit out of me. I jumped up so erect and screamed at the top of my lungs! My my mom freaked and chased him with a baseball bat lolz. I was so fucking scared of windows and sleeping alone after that. I knew it to be irrational, but I couldn't shake the paranoia.

The good thing, which I think you should keep in mind, is that eventually it just faded away. Thats what will happen for you. I'm sure.

Its good to be a man/have a man though. I sleep with the doors unlocked, saying to myself before I go to sleep "pitty them if they do break in."

 

[chompy]

Get a firearm and train to use it. I've been robbed before and the click clack of my 870 12-ga sends them running.

 

[paranoid android]

Get a firearm and train to use it. I've been robbed before and the click clack of my 870 12-ga sends them running.

Not the best advice in this thread i don't think. If the person robbing you doesent run when you rack that shotgun and you freeze up you could very well be the one on the wrong side of a barrell. Not everyone is willing to use a gun on someone which is kinda a good thing i guess.

 

[rant*N*rave]

You should also keep in mind that unless you live in a pretty terrible neighborhood, the chances of something like this happening twice, let alone happening twice in quick succession, are EXTREMELY small.

 

[Z Y G G Y]

Obviously this is just my advice and what you will do is b/w you and your GP, since I am not a doctor. But I really suggest putting meds as the last case scenario or something very very short term. What you are going through is totally normal, natural. Your reactions are the way they are supposed to be after a traumatic experience. It's how we learn things. It's not pleasant, but imagine not caring about what happened and not taking is seriously. Your body is trying to teach you to take precautions next time and be more careful. Also, it is not in any way your fault what happened. It was your property on a hot summer day. The fault lies entirely with this jack off who doesn't want to get a job like the rest of us and decides to rob and hurt inn0ocent people. Just like him pushing you, that was entirely unnecessary. He already got a bunch of shit from your house. Your stuff, that either you or your husband worked hard for. And then he also feel the need to push you hard physically to cause you even more harm. This person is totally heartless. It is totally normal for you to be scared of people like this. The chances of this happening again are close to zero, but taking more precautions against it in the future will not hurt. So please, don't blame yourself for what has happened. Someone took advantage of you. You did nothing wrong. This shouldn't have happened. The only reason it happened is because this person is evil and robs innocent families from their hard earned income. A therapist will help you address the guilt issues. It is imperative that you do not feel guilty about this. Do not place any blame on yourself. Sure you could have kept the doors closed and made it more difficult for him. But if he was persistent he would have found a way to get in. What happened was not your fault. Remember that.

Another issues is being scared of it happening again. A therapist will also work with you on this issue. It is very important to understand that this stuff doesn't happen often. The chances of it happening again are very very small. So there is no reason to worry about it. While it is natural now, because it just happened, you will worry less and less about it. And after a while, it will have no negative effect on your life. Learn what you can from this situation and move on.

So I would strongly suggest seeing a therapist about this. This person can make sure that what you are experiencing now will not turn into some long term disease that impacts the quality of your life. Medication IMO should be the last resort. Your body is a wonderful machine that has created these self care mechanisms over the evolution of a human being. Taking medications might slow down the process of you learning from this situation. I know it feels much better to take a Valium and chill out, but it really is not the best solution long term. Maybe if you start experiencing symptoms that are out of the ordinary or for too long, then I suggest going for meds. But you are experiencing everything the way you should be. Meds have side effects. Benzos like Valium can be addictive. Maybe taking them very sporadically during a large panic attack is OK, but they should be handled with care and never taken often. They are not a long term solution and they can make any problem worse if take for too long.

So yeah, for now I suggest just going to see a therapist as that is always safe and beneficial. If your symptoms start seriously affecting your life and they are not getting better over time, but getting worse they I suggest medication. The meds that you will take are to be decided by your doctor, preferably a psychiatrist and not a GP, unless the GP has substantial experience with mental health or you have no access to psychiatric care.

PS - it angers be so much that this asshole put his hands on you and your little baby. Take the shit and leave, how fucked up in the head did he have to be to have the need to do that. As if stealing from you is not enough. He had to show his power by also physically assaulting you. I hope he gets caught. It is people like this that jails are made for. I hope he gets caught so that he doesn't hurt anyone else. I hate people like him.

 

[chompy]

Not the best advice in this thread i don't think. If the person robbing you doesent run when you rack that shotgun and you freeze up you could very well be the one on the wrong side of a barrell. Not everyone is willing to use a gun on someone which is kinda a good thing i guess.

True, but I do live in a high crime area and have been broken into more than once. Having a firearm (I keep mine loaded but not chambered) gives me piece of mind. Its kind of like wearing a helmet when you bike.

I know many people do not advocate guns, however I have never had to fire mine. I have held an attempted robber at gunpoint having him lie down on the floor until the police came....which took about 8 minutes.

 

[paranoid android]

True, but I do live in a high crime area and have been broken into more than once. Having a firearm (I keep mine loaded but not chambered) gives me piece of mind. Its kind of like wearing a helmet when you bike.

I know many people do not advocate guns, however I have never had to fire mine. I have held an attempted robber at gunpoint having him lie down on the floor until the police came....which took about 8 minutes.

I have nothing against guns at all really and ive been around them all my life which is why i know just how badly things can turn out when firearms are involved. If someone broke into my house they might have a shotgun pointed at them but i wouldnt want to shoot them with it unless i absolutly had to. Even then id much prefer to have some rock salt in the shell in the chamber if i had to use it. Not lethal but they will sure lose intrest in robbing you pretty fucking quick :D

Thankfully ive never been robbed or even had someone attempt to rob me and ive lived in some pretty dodgy places. Granted 99% perfect of the time if anyone tried to rob me the only thing they would be getting is practice 8)

 

[Cee Hawkins]

You are completely justified in feeling worried. It sounds like the event was very traumatizing for you. I know the feeling of just having someone whom you have not given authorization go through your space or personal belongings. The fact that they've looked through private and maybe even sensitive or guarded things can make you feel violated or intruded upon. I had an acquaintance go through some of my stuff on one occasion and saw quite a few nude pictures of my girlfriend. Although he wasn't intending on finding this material, and also felt justified in looking for something, he had no right, and we almost came to blows. I felt really disturbed about it for a long time. This is obviously far removed from your situation, but I think that feeling of being violated is universal.

In regard to being worried for your safety; maybe you should get an alarm system installed. It is very common for "Stay at home" mothers to set an alarm during the day. You can un-arm a single exit too if you're going to be outside. There's nothing like a blaring alarm to ward off the bad guys. With the economy the way it is I've got ADT and other companies knocking on my door constantly offering FREE install & FREE equipment and all you pay is the monthly fee of like $40.00 USD.

It's an idea that could buy you some piece of mind. That or get a good dog. Stay safe.

 

[ech0s85]

fuck getting a gun, just get a dog. It doesnt even have to be big just having the dog bark to let you know when somebodys near the house helps a lot, and deterrs criminals. Ill sometimes think i hear people outside or like a knock on the door, but then if i notice my dogs arent responding i know im just hearing things.

The guy definitely wouldnt have come in if there was a dog, and you wouldve been aware of his presence way before he had time to come in.

 

[Draigan]

^ yah dogs ftw

 

[n3ophy7e]

The guy definitely wouldnt have come in if there was a dog, and you wouldve been aware of his presence way before he had time to come in.

I must say, this is the only thing that allows me to sleep at night, that I KNOW my dog will alert me if there's someone trying to break in. In my experience the dog has to be a particular type, i.e. very loyal but also very alert and intelligent, and well-trained. In this particular case it would also have to be great with children. So if the OP (or anyone else) is going to look in to it, all those things would need to be considered.

 

[chompy]

get a bull mastiff

 

[Alignak]

I agree with the advice to get a dog. I wouldn't buy a gun or get any medication (unless you feel it's absolutely necessary). Talk to a therapist.

When I was a teenager, our house was broken into while I was home. The doors weren't locked and it was about 5 or 6pm, not even dark. He just walked into my house and went upstairs and started rummaging through my parents room. I heard the noise and went to investigate, and found this tall, skinny guy throwing my parents stuff around. He tried to get past me and run out of the house, but I ended up wrestling and fighting with him for at least twenty minutes, screaming for someone to call the police (I was home alone). I ended up "subduing" him and a neighbor called the police which arrived pretty quickly. The police had the nerve to threaten me with assault charges. I had roughed this guy up pretty badly, and apparently he was known to them as a crack/cocaine addict who regularly broke into cars and houses to fund his habit. I admit I did hit him several times after he gave up fighting, but I was on a huge adrenaline high and this was a very frightening experience for me. I became extremely angry with the police for even suggesting that I could be charged for defending myself and my home. They told me since he was so bloody and bruised, and that I didn't really have a mark on me, that they could charge me with the assault. When my parents arrived home they quickly agreed not to press charges, as my stepfather was livid. After that incident my parents bought a Rottweiler and I trained him. They are amazing guard dogs. The sight of them alone will deter most people from trying anything. And if trained from a puppy, they are very lovable dogs, and are fine with children. My little sister used to ride him like a pony :D

When I moved out on my own, within a month I bought a Rottweiler pup of my own. A female this time. Even walking down the street with her, a group of young teenagers will give me a wide berth. She is fiercely loyal and protective of me. I think they already have that in their nature, but I also trained her that way. Females seem to be this way even more than the males.

With time, you'll get over this incident. Therapy will help. I didn't receive any myself, but my mother was very much as you, she had a hard time sleeping and was always checking the locks, etc. She wasn't even home at the time it happened, but she became more protective of me, always bringing up the fact that he could have had a weapon or I could have been killed. She went to therapy and did take some medication to help her sleep, and it helped her a lot. When I first moved out and told her that I better get another Rottweiler she asked, "Why?" I had to remind her of the break in :D She didn't even think about it anymore after we got the dog. Well, we also got an alarm system :D That might help your peace of mind as well, if you can afford it.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Not the best advice in this thread i don't think. If the person robbing you doesent run when you rack that shotgun and you freeze up you could very well be the one on the wrong side of a barrell. Not everyone is willing to use a gun on someone which is kinda a good thing i guess.

I'll disagree, but it's not the only step to be taken. I think n3o's advice was on point, that going to the doctor/a therapist/psychiatrist is a great first step.

The next step is to find a way to be able to cool down the household without having to leave a door open so anyone can walk inside - this is not a good idea but I am sure you realize it now, and hey you still have your baby girl! That's great! It sounds like you are a caring mom.

After you get an AC unit or a boxed fan, I would warn neighbors (at your convenience, preferably during the day time) about what happened, and to be on the look out. Often neighbors are very fortunate to be able to communicate things like this to one another.

I hope everything works out for you OP!