lonelyoldman
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2015
- Messages
- 27
I have autism (very mild) and schizophrenia (feel like a broken record writing this, sorry if you've seen one of my threads before).
Anyway I'm a bit mixed up in my relationship to people. Had no friends in high school. Bullied to a degree and ridiculed. Biggest crush falsely accused me of stalking her leading to massive embarrassment and anger for me. She didn't like me, proceeded to fuck loads of guys then mocked me saying "maths" in a mocking tone because I was good at maths and had no friends.
I'm overweight for now and 2 weeks clean from alcohol, so I'm hoping I can improve my appearance to a good level. Also off antipsychotics and antidepressants now so weight should come down.
Dropped out of maths degree at 20 and got schizophrenia diagnosis.
Every time I try to reenter normal society it just gets worse and I leave feeling passively homicidal and almost actively suicidal. Like when I was 22 at an employment project for people like me, the fat stupid little social work student priced me at 99p and when called out for this, said "what? he's just good at maths" then glared at me.
Shock to the system to be judged beneath a fat social work student given I'm naturally good looking under the flab and intelligent and was on track for a good career and wife before getting sick at 13.
I have had a job for 4 months but just quit because I hate it and the people I don't get on with really irk me.
I've realised that I still haven't disengaged from society fully and I'm not sure whether I should tbh.
I'm still trying to write and record acoustic guitar songs in hopes I can make a living from that, and part of that is trying to engage and impress people. I'm not sure if I should just let go.
I mean, maybe I should just play videogames and study maths alone in my flat and forget about people.
Anyway I'm a bit mixed up in my relationship to people. Had no friends in high school. Bullied to a degree and ridiculed. Biggest crush falsely accused me of stalking her leading to massive embarrassment and anger for me. She didn't like me, proceeded to fuck loads of guys then mocked me saying "maths" in a mocking tone because I was good at maths and had no friends.
I'm overweight for now and 2 weeks clean from alcohol, so I'm hoping I can improve my appearance to a good level. Also off antipsychotics and antidepressants now so weight should come down.
Dropped out of maths degree at 20 and got schizophrenia diagnosis.
Every time I try to reenter normal society it just gets worse and I leave feeling passively homicidal and almost actively suicidal. Like when I was 22 at an employment project for people like me, the fat stupid little social work student priced me at 99p and when called out for this, said "what? he's just good at maths" then glared at me.
Shock to the system to be judged beneath a fat social work student given I'm naturally good looking under the flab and intelligent and was on track for a good career and wife before getting sick at 13.
I have had a job for 4 months but just quit because I hate it and the people I don't get on with really irk me.
I've realised that I still haven't disengaged from society fully and I'm not sure whether I should tbh.
I'm still trying to write and record acoustic guitar songs in hopes I can make a living from that, and part of that is trying to engage and impress people. I'm not sure if I should just let go.
I mean, maybe I should just play videogames and study maths alone in my flat and forget about people.
