Mental Health Social phobia / social anxiety disorder

[MyDoorsAreOpen]

I've long known I was not the most mentally healthy person around. But only recently, following an incident at work that landed me in an inpatient psych ward for a week with a load of cognitive testing, have I received a diagnosis that feels like it completely fits. I have social anxiety disorder, a.k.a. social phobia.

As long as I can remember, I just could not take being judged by other people. I've developed plenty of coping mechanisms that have gotten me to the point where I can have brief-ish interactions with other people, both people I've newly met and people I've known for a long time, and come off as (and truly feel) normal and relaxed. But this is only because my coping mechanisms have mostly involved wishful thinking that no one is judging me or willing to treat me harshly. The longer I stick around with anyone, the more fearful I get that this lie to myself will wear thin, and indeed sometimes it does. When this illusion is shattered by someone being even ambiguously less-than-kind or judgemental to me, the illusion is shattered, and it's devastating to me. I can't take it. No one sees the hours I spend replaying and brooding over little slights like this. I'm terribly sensitive, and I'm ashamed of it, because this is something many people don't respect, especially in a man.

I have squandered so many opportunities in life by building my life around avoiding others' judgement. I hide my light under a bushel basket. I need enormous amounts of time alone. I can spend hours tweaking to perfection something that I'm going to have to present for critical evaluation. 80% of the time I excel with flying colors -- no one sees the hours of tweaking and sweating and sleep deprivation. 20% of the time I fail royally, especially when attempting to do something I'm not used to doing, or trying to please someone who will be harsh in their evaluation of me no matter what I do.

In many ways going into medicine has been a dream come true. I am using my intellect and my deep compassion for other sentient beings to make my livelihood. My patients love me. But in many ways it has been my worst nightmare come true. I have tried in vain to placate and avoid the harsh judgement of teachers who were determined from day one to break me, on principle, as a form of professional hazing. And the more I have resisted by refusing to bow my head and tone down my defiantly chipper demeanor (and the underlying attitude of entitlement to fair and kind treatment), the harder they have lit into me. I have come home and smashed furniture to pieces and wailed primally for hours in frustration over this.

I despise being dominated. More specifically, I despise my refusal on principle to dominate others being taken as weak and submissive, and an invitation for others to dominate me. It makes me angry to see others reap rewards from being domineering to others. I don't accept that this is just the way the world is. Whatever happened to "be the change you want to see in the world?"

I make decent first impressions. I make mediocre to bad second impressions, if I show up at all. I've vexed many people, including a few here on BL, by seeming to accessible at first, but then shying away or being so bad at keeping in touch. It's not that I don't think I'm capable or likable. I just get so bent out of shape when people judge me that I'd rather not take the chance, and am content to live with the happy memory of one or two good interactions, and a fantasy of what might have followed.

I'm in therapy right now. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). With a very good and caring psychologist who knows me well and has a lot of faith in me. I have a lot of faith in myself, believe it or not. I just can't imagine myself coming to terms with the fact that people are inherently judgemental, and it's OK.

Has anyone who's been where I've been give me a mantra or reframing technique that's really helped them be at peace with others' judgement and unkind treatment?

Or even just some kind words of support?

If all you've got to say is, "that's just the way it is" or "man up", please don't post, because I've been told both of these things so many times, and they don't help.

 

[MeaCulpa]

I know this one sounds trite and that you've surely heard it before, " how much will any of this matter a year from now" It does help me some though.

there is a neurolinguistic programming technique called double disassociation. I find a lot of NLP techniques to be charisma-based charlatanism. double disassociation and a few the other techniques seem to have some validity to me. if you Google NLP double disassociation I'm sure you'll find a few articles or videos.

As far as encouragement, I found your posts brilliant and sensitive for many years. I'm hoping this whole situation it's much better very soon.

 

[herbavore]

I think that bringing two very sensitive sons into the world and raising them gave me insight into being male in america in a way that no amount of reading ever could have (and I did a lot, as gender roles and attitudes have always been of interest to me). What it showed me opened my eyes and broke my heart. I had extreme social anxiety as a kid but I was female and I was allowed to be "overly sensitive" but when I produced two male children that had the same natures it was a different story--and they both suffered for it. So I don't think you can discount the role that gender has played to deepen your discomfort in your own nature.

My own anxiety will be with me until the day I die but I have a very different relationship to it than I did when I was young. What has helped? Some of it is a mystery, some of it is age and some of it has been weathering something so terrible that it really did shock me into seeing that most of what I tended to worry about (the judgment of others) was truly meaningless. Since I have no idea how old you are and I would not recommend tragedy as a positive way to cope with anxiety, that leaves the mystery. You've got me thinking now.....what has made a difference? Mindfulness and CBT have helped and I would say that mindfulness for me has been the most powerful in changing the familiar trajectory of my own negative thinking. Poetry has helped me immensely (Jane Hirshfield in particular but many others).

Becoming a parent began the change out of extreme anxiety. Maybe it was the shift from thinking mostly about me to thinking mostly about these two little beings that were dependent on me that helped that happen. Did you experience a lessening in anxiety when you became a father? My own mother used to tell me that my anxiety was universal and that others just covered theirs up better. I don't completely agree with her but I do believe that remembering that many others are uncomfortable in social situations and trying to reach out and do something to alleviate others discomfort helps me out of my own and seems to often break the spell for everyone.

I am convinced that being afraid of others judgments is really just being afraid of our own mirrored back to us. No one judges me more harshly than I do myself. The older I get, the easier it gets to recognize that negative voice within that makes me vulnerable to any slight, perceived or real, from others; and to observe it rather than react to it.

This has been a rambling response but it is a subject that has impacted my life and those of my children more than anything else and for that reason I feel very passionately about the exploration. I hope this thread can be an exploration because I believe that sensitivity--whether you call it ultra sensitivity or over sensitivity-- is at the root of many addictions, many so-called mental illnesses and certainly many suicides. And yet I would not trade my sensitivity for anything. It informs my creativity, it expands my empathy and compassion for others, my attachment to nature and animals, my enjoyment of all the small things in life, etc. Learning to value the gifts it brings may also be something that helps me conquer the self-destructive side of it.

 

[MeaCulpa]

My problem is schizoaffective, plus alcoholism. My experience is inot going to match all that much.

Please forgive my double posting, but I think a central thing that your therapist might not engage that could be helpful nonetheless is paying attention to your body.it can create bizarre psychological phenomena. When one ignores the tension in ones body, It shows up in one psyche Times 10.

I've been posting by phone and I'm sure I'm having a lot of weird typos . The main thing in engaging real world stress is pay attention to your body . Don't prioritize your intellectual or emotional responses above your bodily response . Going psycho from social anxiety in my opinion is usually trying to intellectualize things that are somatic .

I'm shooting out ideas . the main thing ,is that if you believe there is a solution you will find it .if you would choose to believe there's no solution ,we pretty much know you will never find it .

Maybe not entirely relevant , In the hardest parts of my life good turnaround came when I could engage humor and silliness . Wishing you all the best , Thanks for listening to my babble ,

Take care

 

[MyDoorsAreOpen]

I think that bringing two very sensitive sons into the world and raising them gave me insight into being male in america in a way that no amount of reading ever could have (and I did a lot, as gender roles and attitudes have always been of interest to me). What it showed me opened my eyes and broke my heart. I had extreme social anxiety as a kid but I was female and I was allowed to be "overly sensitive" but when I produced two male children that had the same natures it was a different story--and they both suffered for it. So I don't think you can discount the role that gender has played to deepen your discomfort in your own nature.

You know, it's very intriguing you should bring this up without me even fishing for it. I have actually entertained the possibility that I might be a transsexual (though I don't currently). I actually scored "Androgyne" on the Bem Sex Role Inventory, and when I've told people I know well that "I'm right in the middle of the gender spectrum", they tend to agree strongly. I think it's grossly unfair that being in the middle of the gender scale is accepted, nay celebrated, for anatomic females, but gets anatomic males nothing but scorn, despite the fact that research shows it's an advantageous trait no matter your anatomical gender.

I've gravitated strongly away from macho males, who tend to feel an irresistible urge to be nasty to me. Also of interest, as early as age 6 I can remember feeling jealous of girls, because they just seemed freer to be themselves. It exasperated me to no end that as a boy, I wasn't OK and acceptable just the way I was, but had to regularly and showily subject myself to various forms of pain in order to prove myself and have other kids be OK with me. The concept of a "real man" (i.e. a male who has proven himself capable of taking and inflicting pain) still bothers me greatly. I'm physically strong, have great endurance and determination, and am truly not fazed by a number of forms of adversity, including boredom, cold, lack of sleep, hard work, very altered states of consciousness, cultural displacement, chaos and discord in my immediate environs, stress, and depending on my mood, physical pain. But in predominantly male social circles (or mixed-gender social circles where traditional male values predominate) somehow this is still not enough; I was never able or willing to play the painful social games of oneupsmanship and pissing contests. I've never had it in me to bow to the top dog and respect the pecking order. I was never mean enough to be funny or quick with a comeback. So I avoid very male social circles, because I tend to fall to the bottom of them, and be the butt of everyone's jokes.

I've never had it any easier with traditionally feminine females, most of whom have made it clear to me, spoken or not, that even if they find me a very likable person, they could never find me sexually attractive. It's done a number on my self esteem to have girls be uncomfortable with any indication that I'm a sexual being. It's been hard for me to accept that for most straight women, power equals sexiness. From what I've figured out, there's a certain air of "don't fuck with me" that women need to pick up from a man before they can feel sexual attraction toward him, and I clearly don't give that off, and am not sure I ever could or would even want to cultivate this. I can talk about this dispassionately now because I'm happily married to a woman who finds me quite attractive. But it's an achy scar that will always be with me.

Of course I know now that women aren't nearly as "free to be themselves" as I once perceived them to be. As my wife (also a bit androgynous herself) has shown me, women dominate each other in subtle ways that most men don't notice. This is one reason I'm not quick these days to blame my struggles in life on anything gender related. Not only are most people not sympathetic to me when I put things in these terms, but it's clear to me now that getting along with other people is just hard, period, and that's just a fact of the human condition for all of us, regardless of what's between our legs or in our 23rd chromosomes.

I can also remember, oddly, feeling jealous of militant lesbian "FemiNazis". It always upset me that I would be an object of their scorn simply for being male. If this makes any sense, I always felt like I wanted to be on their side and sympathize with them. But I was unwelcome to even try. Could I be a lesbian woman trapped in a straight man's body, like our dear friend Vegan? (Now I'm really going out on a creaky limb )

At the end of the day, though, none of this matters, and labels are only labels. Still, As someone who has an interest in gender studies / gender roles, I'd love to hear more from you on this, herbavore. Thank you for listening and letting me get this off my chest, in any event. This has long been a sore point for me.

I know this one sounds trite and that you've surely heard it before, " how much will any of this matter a year from now" It does help me some though.

Wow. Thanks so much for this mantra, MeaCulpa! I copied this down in my little black book, and I think I'll train myself to say this whenever I'm in a frustrating situation. Its simplicity is both its beauty and its practicality.

there is a neurolinguistic programming technique called double disassociation. I find a lot of NLP techniques to be charisma-based charlatanism. double disassociation and a few the other techniques seem to have some validity to me. if you Google NLP double disassociation I'm sure you'll find a few articles or videos.

As far as encouragement, I found your posts brilliant and sensitive for many years. I'm hoping this whole situation it's much better very soon.

Hugs!
I'm aware that NeuroLinguistic Programming is very controversial, and has been rejected by many mental health practitioners as potentially psychologically harmful. But I'll look this up -- I'll try anything that works.

Like you, I've turned to drugs to avoid. My drugs of choice have always been marijuana (especially) and amphetamine. Marijuana is a great forgetting and avoiding tool, but that's just the problem. Amphetamine used to be great at getting me motivated to face things I wasn't motivated to face, but it's what got me into my most recent troubles at work, because of late it's caused me only mood swings, mania, and insomnia, not motivation. I think I may be done with it for good -- sure don't miss it after 6wks off it. Marijuana, however, may just be my problem child till the day I die. We'll see.

 

[neversickanymore]

I used to have social anxiety really bad.. now I could likely give a speech to a stadium in my undies.

In order to work through this we need to identify and accept our morals and values. By morals I mean how do YOU need to act for YOU. By values I just mean what do YOU value. This ends up coming down to identifying and accepting the correct way for YOU to behave based of what YOU believe and finding what YOU value. The answers to these questions can be found by searching your heart for these answers and then realizing that only you know how you need to act and whats important to you. Its not what your parents said, what your religion says, what your teachers said was the correct way to behave and what was important and good. Your own morals and values can be similar or contain aspects of all these sources, but they really come from a deep place in you. You will need to identify how YOU need to act and what YOU value. Then you will need to accept these as the absolute correct way you need to behave and the values that you want and need to strive for, search out and promote in your life.

When loose of fail to develop our morals and values we end up placing the morals and values of others over our own. This causes us to place the opinions of others above our own. Because of this we experience social anxiety, shyness, feeling we are constantly being judged, awkwardness, trouble moving fluidly or conversing well with people especially strangers and people we really respect.

The reason for all this is that since we have placed what other people think above what we think is we now need their approval and acceptance to tell us we are behaving correctly and we determine if what we value has value based on if others value it or not. So the reason we are shy and worry about talking or engaging with others is that we dont know if they will approve of the way we act or who we are. We can be hesitant to tell other people about what we do or what we love as we are not sure what they will think of it.

This can make relationships very difficult because we can have a very hard time approaching people as if they would reject us, then since we determine our value of what they think we would feal that we are rejects. Also since we base our worth and determine the value of the life we are living of the opinions of others we can require and seek out constant praise and be utterly devastated by any forum or criticism. The criticism can be absolutely devastating especially if its from someone we respect or admire.

The reason strangers can be so difficult for us to deal with is we don't know if they will like or approve of us. We need them to approve of us so we can approve of ourselves.

The reason movements and interaction can be so hard and awkward and feel that all eyes are on us and every word and movement is being judged is because we are judging our every movement and word on the reaction of other people. This is why picking out something to ware to a social event can be so nerve racking, because instead of picking something we like, we try and ware something we think the people there will like.

So what you need to do is determine what is the corect way for YOU to act for YOU and accept this as the right way for YOU to act.
You also need to identify and determine what YOU value.

When we identify the correct way for us to act and act this way then we no longer need the approval of others to indicate we are behaving in the correct way. If we no longer need the approval of others what they think or say about the way we behave looses all power and just becomes what it was all along, their opinion. We are no longer shy as we dont really care what the fuck they think. When we identify and cultivate whats important to us then we no longer care what other people think or say about what we know is important to us. Their opinions no longer have any power over us. The thought of other people no liking us or not thinking what we think is cool is cool no longer causes us any anxiety.

Follow your heart it knows who you are, how you need to act, whats important to you, where you need to go. Fuck what other people think and say. Everybodys always spouting off that they know exactly whats important and how we should act... thats nonsense, they don't even know who we are, where we need to go, or how we need to get there.

I hope this helps and sheds some light on whats going on. Understanding this and addressing it has removed almost all social anxiety. I know have much less then the average joe.

 

[-=SS=-]

I know you said don't say "man up".. but you need to man up, just not in the way that phrase might imply, and certainly not like the macho males you make reference to in your post. That is not what it means to be a man.. that is posturing and preening of adolescent thinking that has carried over into an adults body, and you're very right to resist that way of thinking. Commend yourself for that mate, sound judgement number 1

You say you don't like to be judged, but I suspect actually what the issue is is that you don't like to be placed in that situation because it reveals the anxiety and reveals the underlying issue. There's a moment in those situations which calls for you to stand strong, be self-assured in yourself and abilities, and to not see what is said as a threat to your existence. Probably stating the obvious there. If you can try and remember as far back as you can.. perhaps there was an incident in school, or earlier, where you were open emotionally and then you got shut down by someone, possibly an authority figure.. teacher, parent? Children can lose a lot of innate creative potential by being shut down in this way. Anyway.. by remembering these events you help to untangle the emotional knot inside yourself.

Social anxiety is an emotional thing. I picked mine up from my parents who are both emotionally stunted, especially my dad. He drinks the strongest larger, the strongest cigarettes, has an obsession with WW2.. it's all related to power, or rather lack of power. Seeing that in my dad helped me understand my own anxiety. Consider the relation you have to your parents. I always felt like when I interacted with other families as a child that I was missing something, and I was.. my parents never instilled the social element in me. They never had friends over, were quiet individuals etc.


Because this problem is emotionally based you can't solve it through intellect alone. Intellect can help you identify the causes and create a strategy for overcoming it, but only through action will you conquer it. You have to re-write the pattern in your brain/mind. You have to find yourself in those situations where the anxiety comes up and instill a new pattern.. the trick is to recognize when the emotion/fear is about to start and then you have to keep your mind centered and prepare to not react to the old pattern. Let the old pattern start to play itself.. the nerves, sweating, fear, racing thoughts, what ever it is you have personally.. your primitive brain will tell you to run but you need to fight in that moment (not literally of course). This is where the "man up" bit comes in. Let the encroaching anxiety pass through you as if you were a ghost, it unable to latch on to you, because you are strong and centered.

How to be strong and centered?

Well, only you know yourself.. and the more you try to be honestly introspective with yourself the sooner you'll find the solution. A therapist can help accelerate the process, but ultimately it is you who does the action, the healing. Most of the time they just hold a mirror up to yourself. I think the best therapists are close family, a partner, or friend, one who understands deeply and can hug you. A hug really goes a long way you know..

For me personally:

- Remembering that I'm human, I'm not perfect. They are human and not perfect too.
- The day before I die I don't want to look back and think to myself "man, why did I waste all that time caring what people thought of me? none of that ever mattered".
- Remembering that it's OK. It's all OK. None of this matters. At all. Western civilization takes itself so seriously, and by extension we do too. Lighten up (Bob Marley might help).
- Seeing the anxiety as something separate from myself that is latching on to me, as opposed to inherently part of me. It is a fog that clouds the mind.
- Meditation. I started doing it again recently. Once you reach a state where your mind goes very still that potential will be available to you always, just recollect it.
- Eat well. Sleep well. Exercise well. Get social involvement. Give the body and mind what it needs to be healthy.
- Cut the alcohol and drugs. These get tied up in your emotional state easily, and also affect your dreams (emotional processing).

As part of the course I've been doing for the past three years it involves giving presentations in front of the class and tutors. It's design based so they critique your design. They always tell me I'm extremely confident, and I know I am (externally).. yet inside I feel so much anxiety. I hide it well (except for sweaty armpits haha). What I've learned from doing it again and again is to simply not give a fuck. I'm 27, I'm too old to be giving a fuck about shit any more. You do the best you can in the moment and that is always enough.

So yeh.. you do need to "man up".. don't flight, but fight. Don't turn away emotionally. Accept your vulnerability but know you're strong also. The anxiety is caused by the tension of one part of you wanting to run away and the other part wanting to face up to the situation. Therapy will probably get you to expose yourself gradually to the anxiety causing situations and re-frame your response, just as I've described here. All it takes is time and faith in yourself. Know you will make it to the end.. don't believe, know you will.. and that will help a lot.

 

[belfort]

ehh from everything ive read theres a big difference between social anxiety and social anxiety DISORDER..different forms of social anxiety can be overcome thru various means but social anxiety disorder is basically with you for life..it isnt something that you can eliminate and move on your life..sure, you can improve in various areas through treatment and medications but it stays with you..

ive never heard of anyone completely overcoming social phobia...this seems to be a very crushing phobia...many social phobics i have read about cannot even hold down jobs..

 

[pentouch]

Im really like you,you are not alone..besides the fact that I dont question my sexiuality. All people are different,some are more different some are more dull,some more sensetive. Im in same situation with male friendship as you,buts its no big deal,just stay your ground, make clear you are not prone to fuck around and joke all the time,just dont flip out,if you do it in confident calm way,no way there will be judgment,unless those people are assholes anyway..then it doesnt matter what they think,be positive there are a lot of assholes everywhere! And people become assholes,because there are assholes around us,that same coping mechanism,maybe.. Last week was harsh to me,Iam really begin to understand that my friends start to lose interest and even dislike me. Partly because you like me,tend to overanalyse things. Social anxiety is natural,all people like to be viewed better than they are..but problem with this,is that MOST of people are likely to judge others because they want to be viewed better,my thoughts are messy,so thing I want to say,other people around you arent no way better to REALLY have valuable judging..I hate agressive humor too and combacks..ugh HATE THEM,makes me stutter and become awkward. BUt it is a game,so when you face the real enemy,not your friend,you will be ready to confront them . Theres difference between intelligence and power,some intelligent people cant become good leaders,so I guess you are intelligent type,its good isnt it? I rather dont live in the blissful world,I rather be intelligent . Dont complicate things,so they become problems for you..thats mantra for me
OHH yeah..truth has to be told - our social norms,our social itnteractions ,our social model...is far from perfect,I assume it is not even right..you see how ppl all their life to fit,to understand...some drinks,some smokes,some do unnecessary things,some just trying to dumb their selves down..only because they are fooled from the beginning,with these norms

 

[herbavore]

ehh from everything ive read theres a big difference between social anxiety and social anxiety DISORDER..different forms of social anxiety can be overcome thru various means but social anxiety disorder is basically with you for life..it isnt something that you can eliminate and move on your life..sure, you can improve in various areas through treatment and medications but it stays with you..

ive never heard of anyone completely overcoming social phobia...this seems to be a very crushing phobia...many social phobics i have read about cannot even hold down jobs..

I respectfully disagree with this. I grew up in the days before diagnosis of this disorder and I was so socially phobic that I could barely speak to anyone outside my immediate family. School was a nightmare and even going out to play in the neighborhood was fraught with anxiety for me. I had not been through any trauma, my parents were wonderful, confident and loving people themselves--it was just my nature. Obviously though, my "nature" was dangerously out of balance and the effects on my life were extreme--I had panic attacks and was literally nauseous every Sunday night just contemplating another week at school even though nothing overtly terrible ever happened to me there either. But I believe that one of the reasons I have been able to overcome this completely in my lifetime is that no one ever suggested that I had a disorder or a condition or an illness. That is the medicalizing and pathologizing of human variation that is so insidious in our culture today. The same goes with my now diagnosed ADD. Is it a disorder? Or is it my nature to have a mind like a freaking pinball machine? The first way of looking at it involves medical treatment and possibly being on stimulants for life. The second way of looking at it is that I need to find a life that fits my brain and to make strategies to deal with the down-sides while capitalizing on the up-sides. I chose the second way but I am a teacher of young children and they do not get the same options to choose. I have students that are 8 and 9 years old being put on dangerous medications because they and they parents are told that they have disorders. In my view it is tragic to look at oneself this way--especially when your self-awareness is first developing.

 

[moneyboy]

@MyDoorsAreOpen

I believe I am also a little bit like you, I also was in therapy because of the social anxiety disorder. And even today I sometimes feel like my sympthoms of social anxiety (you also could call it shyness) become stronger again, since I don't have a job at the moment and so spend too much time alone at home and avoiding getting together with people.

I am very sure, the therapy will be beneficial for you! You'll be able to do new things, interact with people more spontaniously, maybe you find some new friends or you discover hidden talents. It's great, that you allready gained confidence - believing in yourself is essential.

I will only briefly discribe what I did to overcome my worst anxiety. I tried different jobs and took art courses, especially painting and an acting class. the acting classes were very beneficial for me, I learned new techniques how to communicate with people!

what also helped get me grounded was several years of karate-training. I got better agility and fitness and I even got rid of some problems with my back, since had constantly backpain for years.

 

[herbavore]

@MyDoorsAreOpen

I will only briefly discribe what I did to overcome my worst anxiety. I tried different jobs and took art courses, especially painting and an acting class. the acting classes were very beneficial for me, I learned new techniques how to communicate with people!

I think this kind of strategy--pushing past your comfort zone, especially in something creative-- is brilliant. It helps the soul on so many levels and it is practical as well!

 

[psood0nym]

I've read your posts for years MDAO and have come to know you as easily one of the most thoughtful, approachable, and relatable people in these forums. I never imagined you having these issues you describe, but I suppose the contrast between message-board interaction and real-time face-to-face interaction makes all the difference. In any case, if you display half the virtues of character "live" as you do on screen it's difficult for me to imagine anybody whose judgment is worthy of concern perceiving you very unfavorably. My suspicion is that few of us is thought about as much as we imagine we are, and in your case when those judgments of others' are negative they're typically arrived at through consultation with ignorance. Because this is so, they're judging a hopelessly skewed projection, can reach no meaningful conclusions, and, so, can be appropriately dismissed.

 

[moneyboy]

something to add: in our ego-driven, competitive laubour-society the extrovertive people seem to always have a great advance. so the so called "social anxiety disorder" simply is a normal behaviour of people, who can't compete very well with the extroverts and so they behave different, today it has a fancy name but in fact this is only human behaviour, it's not a disease. the therapy is a kind of training where you get tools (methods, also new ways interpreting stuff that happens around you) how to get along with the world better and manage your life around others so you don't get lost in this everyday husstle.

my best friend whom I know from elementary school is one example! he wasn't the best at school, pretty average, he did not get the best graduation. but because of his extrovertive, intuitive nature (he was always good with people, even as child) he firstly absolved a education for a job in sales, then joind the military (Bundeswehr we call it here) and made a pretty decent carreer even being to Kabul for ISAF forces. after the military he studied economics and now works for a greater company managing finances - he has reached a position that many top graduates from university hardly achieve at his age, and that is mostly because of his ability to express himself around of people and getting along with people.
so the more introvertive or shy of us have a handicap allready, if we want or not we need to get more extrovertive to compete with the extroverts! the good note is: you don't have to get as extrovertive as the natural stage-talents, but you can slightly optimise so you get pretty much to an average level of extrovertiveness through training!

 

[malakaix]

I would second everything neversickanymore mentioned, as this is how i've come to understand my own experience with social anxiety over time. This i believe is the root of social anxiety.

The only band-aid method i've found useful in overcoming social anxiety for me personally is through social saturation.. the more social exposure i experience the less anxious i feel. I have observed that when i spend a prolonged period of time alone.. lets say for example one week without social interaction, when i do eventually interact with a stranger.. the anxiety is so crippling that it becomes disassociating.. however if i am always around strangers i eventually become desensitised and gently fall comfortably into my self.

This is what really messed with me psychologically for a while, because i could hitch-hike through third world countries.. strike up a conversation with a stranger in a foreign land, navigate my way through post-communist cities, approach women and converse with them comfortably and just be free in general to live. And then spending a couple of months with very little social interaction and suddenly it's a monumental struggle to buy groceries from the super-market. It's incomprehensible.

 

[moneyboy]

I also second that ^^

when sitting alone half day it even becomes a problem going to the super market, strange but true.

 

[pentouch]

lol moneyboy seems you had like an upgrade for your self as a human,karate,acting,painting...
Yeah I have the problem of going out in grocery store too..I really feel crippled by my anxiety,every human that is passing me by is an object of constant worry for me,because I feel like I am being judged,like I walk odd or look odd,every time I pass someone on street I feel something is wrong with me,like they are looking at me and thinking something wrong..I know its bullshit ,but I am partly right,because theres no reason to be afraid..Im just anti social and its showing and boy when its showing,it is unpleasant ..even when talking with my friends I feel like im judged by the way how I am anxious sometimes ..at the same time I feel guilt,but cant do anything about it. It seems to me, that this should pass if given some time of letting it go and doing more valuable things for your self,because I dont know how about you guys, but I feel incomplete part-human..mostly because I dumb my self down,and anxiety,depression makes you look dumber than you are,because it paralyses you,thats why I dont have positive feedback with socialising ,only worse..its like a loop really >>> worry because of worry>bad exposure>more worry... I really want to end this now,but I feel like its long road ahead

 

[Brandon1991]



I would second everything neversickanymore mentioned, as this is how i've come to understand my own experience with social anxiety over time. This i believe is the root of social anxiety.

The only band-aid method i've found useful in overcoming social anxiety for me personally is through social saturation.. the more social exposure i experience the less anxious i feel. I have observed that when i spend a prolonged period of time alone.. lets say for example one week without social interaction, when i do eventually interact with a stranger.. the anxiety is so crippling that it becomes disassociating.. however if i am always around strangers i eventually become desensitised and gently fall comfortably into my self.

This is what really messed with me psychologically for a while, because i could hitch-hike through third world countries.. strike up a conversation with a stranger in a foreign land, navigate my way through post-communist cities, approach women and converse with them comfortably and just be free in general to live. And then spending a couple of months with very little social interaction and suddenly it's a monumental struggle to buy groceries from the super-market. It's incomprehensible.

Yea, your post helped me alot. I see that that's exactly what I do. When I was in rehab around people all the time,
I was fine. But now im staying with my aun't getting back on my feet and I don't "Hang out" with any of my old
friends because, they're on meth hard. So, now I've found myself "back in my shell".. I want to walk to the gym to work
out but, I feel awkward just leaving the house. I try to avoid interacting / talking with people.. It's hard for me to
express myself in any way. I dont know it's from fear of judgement or just being depressed. Anyways, I'm glad I found
this site. I've only read 3 post and I feel better.

 

[herbavore]

Anyways, I'm glad I found
this site. I've only read 3 post and I feel better.

I'm glad you found it, too. It sounds like you are doing a lot to take care of yourself.

 

[Erikmen]

That´s the spirit!!