I wish to preface this entry with a statement: Do not judge me, do not tell me I did wrong.
At this point, I can only benefit from words of support and suggestion. I am a CPP that cannot live on the meager wages granted by the government. Not at this point anyway.
I found myself in a bind last week with my meds stolen out of my car ~150 5mg Pills Oxy ir among other items. It was a parking lot under surveillance so it was a simple smash and grab while I was working inside. I had some OC, and a few IR left but I was working a job that left me in such abject pain that I had to use them up a week before my refill.
Many BLl’ers told me that I should try a taper. I had 20 pills to last 2 full weeks. That left me in a nearly impossible situation. Oh, I tried to taper but from 100mg/day to ~25 mg/day while working an incredibly physically demanding position. I am a cpp and have been for nearly 8 years.
By the second day of the taper it was apparent that I was in deep shit. I would not call my PM for an early refill as I had to do about 8 months ago due to misplacing my meds. I have to travel for work and only have one place to keep the major supply but when I am gone for 48 hours, I have to split them up. No more dabbling with numbers.
I thought in reading other BL’ers suggestions about kicking a ~100 mg/day oxy habit that there were some decent suggestions. I started with pst and it didn't do jack. I believe I wasted money and made such a mess trying to get it right, I got a minor buzz but nothing to calm the WD of OXY.
I then went to loperamide as it had eased symptoms in the past but I only used it for a couple of days. Almost an entirely useless detox med for a full detox period of time (8days).
So, I was faced with attempting to do it on my own. I did not know if I am simply weak or I truly needed medical help detoxing.
On the second day of abstinence, I was climbing the walls and my “sober” roomate was
asking questions.
I choose to call it RBS, restless body syndrome as it affected more than
the legs. My arms were in spasm, my entire body racked with horrible symptoms,
no sleep in two days.Then came the depression and lack of communication ability. I
thought about the scene in Trainspotting when Ewan Mceggor's character is going cold turkey WD to the point he was hallucinating, screaming bloody murder.
At that point I knew I needed some professional help so I called a detox center. I was granted a bed immediately because I was in active WD.
Here's where things become strange. I am certain that many reading this have been to a detox facility. I saw people dealing with my exact symptoms and some that had minds that were completely blown away by chronic alcohol /drug abuse. Let’s just say. That it was an eye opening experience. Never an empty bed and stories horrific to me during group meetings that I simply could not relate. I could not get the group meetings and the people being physically abused as a children, etc, etc. I have had extreme psychological abuse from a single mother, father passed away when I was 12 and I barely knew him. I eventually realized that I did not belong. Or did I? That is my question to anyone that views the contradictions between physicians that prescribe theses addictive substances and the people in the detox clinics that believe in complete abstinence.
I sat through a couple of groups that were completely nonsensical to me. I have a M.S in science and worked as a med tech for 15 years until chronic pain made it impossible to meet my FTE and I was forced to resign. Enough touchy feely:
QUESTION
So where is the line between addiction and a legitimate prescription from a doctor with 40 years experience in anesthesiogy? One who believes in opiate therapy for me because every other attempt-Nsaids, acupuncture, injections, a rhiyzomtomy, Buprenorphine none of which did anything to ease my pain and instead gave me an ulcer, a spinal headache, and other complications.
I tried ‘core exercise” and it helps somewhat but when my back goes out it does so for ~2weeks-month and that is regardless of core strengthening.
I am confronted with being labeled and addict, or am I a psuedoaddict(?), that must go through intensive outpatient and stay clean an sober or use the only medication that has worked in the past. I cannot lose the job. I thought I could handle it and never use while on the job but it is physically tormenting every minute of work. Had I told them up front of my disability, I would have never been hired. This has been the case for over 50 jobs I am qualified for but being disabled is a Scarlett Letter.
This is a conundrum I tried speaking to the nurses about at the detox facility as well as the Doctor who looks like she just came from Medical School. They push Clean and Sober all the way, groups that mean shit to me, intensive outpatient with people I saw that are true bangers, huffers, with stories that blew my mind about friends dying, multiple ODs, and on and on. I am simply trying to lead a productive life. Any suggestions? 6 days clean and I am emotionally raw and in a massive amount of pain. I am popping Ibuprofen to the point that my kidneys will fail in time. So What now? I have prescriptions for more oxy to last until Spring but I am confused having seen other people addicted to opiates and whatever "mood altering substances they used". Some, mostly alcoholics, barely able to speak coherently.
Where is the disconnect between these two fields of health care? One being the detox unit's point of view, and the physician's with twice as much experience handing these pills out in hope that the patient can re-enter society?
By the way, I wasn't stupid enough to give the detox facility any doctor's contact information but with the new pharmacy laws in this state I do not know what the detox unit is legally allowed to do.
At this point, I can only benefit from words of support and suggestion. I am a CPP that cannot live on the meager wages granted by the government. Not at this point anyway.
I found myself in a bind last week with my meds stolen out of my car ~150 5mg Pills Oxy ir among other items. It was a parking lot under surveillance so it was a simple smash and grab while I was working inside. I had some OC, and a few IR left but I was working a job that left me in such abject pain that I had to use them up a week before my refill.
Many BLl’ers told me that I should try a taper. I had 20 pills to last 2 full weeks. That left me in a nearly impossible situation. Oh, I tried to taper but from 100mg/day to ~25 mg/day while working an incredibly physically demanding position. I am a cpp and have been for nearly 8 years.
By the second day of the taper it was apparent that I was in deep shit. I would not call my PM for an early refill as I had to do about 8 months ago due to misplacing my meds. I have to travel for work and only have one place to keep the major supply but when I am gone for 48 hours, I have to split them up. No more dabbling with numbers.
I thought in reading other BL’ers suggestions about kicking a ~100 mg/day oxy habit that there were some decent suggestions. I started with pst and it didn't do jack. I believe I wasted money and made such a mess trying to get it right, I got a minor buzz but nothing to calm the WD of OXY.
I then went to loperamide as it had eased symptoms in the past but I only used it for a couple of days. Almost an entirely useless detox med for a full detox period of time (8days).
So, I was faced with attempting to do it on my own. I did not know if I am simply weak or I truly needed medical help detoxing.
On the second day of abstinence, I was climbing the walls and my “sober” roomate was
asking questions.
I choose to call it RBS, restless body syndrome as it affected more than
the legs. My arms were in spasm, my entire body racked with horrible symptoms,
no sleep in two days.Then came the depression and lack of communication ability. I
thought about the scene in Trainspotting when Ewan Mceggor's character is going cold turkey WD to the point he was hallucinating, screaming bloody murder.
At that point I knew I needed some professional help so I called a detox center. I was granted a bed immediately because I was in active WD.
Here's where things become strange. I am certain that many reading this have been to a detox facility. I saw people dealing with my exact symptoms and some that had minds that were completely blown away by chronic alcohol /drug abuse. Let’s just say. That it was an eye opening experience. Never an empty bed and stories horrific to me during group meetings that I simply could not relate. I could not get the group meetings and the people being physically abused as a children, etc, etc. I have had extreme psychological abuse from a single mother, father passed away when I was 12 and I barely knew him. I eventually realized that I did not belong. Or did I? That is my question to anyone that views the contradictions between physicians that prescribe theses addictive substances and the people in the detox clinics that believe in complete abstinence.
I sat through a couple of groups that were completely nonsensical to me. I have a M.S in science and worked as a med tech for 15 years until chronic pain made it impossible to meet my FTE and I was forced to resign. Enough touchy feely:
QUESTION
So where is the line between addiction and a legitimate prescription from a doctor with 40 years experience in anesthesiogy? One who believes in opiate therapy for me because every other attempt-Nsaids, acupuncture, injections, a rhiyzomtomy, Buprenorphine none of which did anything to ease my pain and instead gave me an ulcer, a spinal headache, and other complications.
I tried ‘core exercise” and it helps somewhat but when my back goes out it does so for ~2weeks-month and that is regardless of core strengthening.
I am confronted with being labeled and addict, or am I a psuedoaddict(?), that must go through intensive outpatient and stay clean an sober or use the only medication that has worked in the past. I cannot lose the job. I thought I could handle it and never use while on the job but it is physically tormenting every minute of work. Had I told them up front of my disability, I would have never been hired. This has been the case for over 50 jobs I am qualified for but being disabled is a Scarlett Letter.
This is a conundrum I tried speaking to the nurses about at the detox facility as well as the Doctor who looks like she just came from Medical School. They push Clean and Sober all the way, groups that mean shit to me, intensive outpatient with people I saw that are true bangers, huffers, with stories that blew my mind about friends dying, multiple ODs, and on and on. I am simply trying to lead a productive life. Any suggestions? 6 days clean and I am emotionally raw and in a massive amount of pain. I am popping Ibuprofen to the point that my kidneys will fail in time. So What now? I have prescriptions for more oxy to last until Spring but I am confused having seen other people addicted to opiates and whatever "mood altering substances they used". Some, mostly alcoholics, barely able to speak coherently.
Where is the disconnect between these two fields of health care? One being the detox unit's point of view, and the physician's with twice as much experience handing these pills out in hope that the patient can re-enter society?
By the way, I wasn't stupid enough to give the detox facility any doctor's contact information but with the new pharmacy laws in this state I do not know what the detox unit is legally allowed to do.
