Slooowly killing myself

[Detrevni]

Guys I have been struggling with opioid addiction for going on 7 years now roughly and I've hit about the lowest I could personally imagine. I started banging Suboxone off and on over 2 years ago and thought it wasn't too much worse than snorting it or much less doing a tab. I thought at least I wasn't doing full opioid agonists but that's definitely not the case.
I definitely am familiar with how bad shooting pills are not to mention sub specifically so I understand fully the possible consequences. What boggles my mind is that I can almost step back and see how pointless it is in general but when the time comes and i've came down from several hours before I got to where I keep telling myself that i'll do it this one more time and i'm done.
My arms look like pin cushions where I have to hang on to the same rig and it gets sooo dull it can sometimes take me up to an hour to hit. Tonight it took me almost 2 hours and I almost broke down halfway through but I just couldn't give it up and just wait until tomorrow. The main reasons why I do it like that is because the taste for one, the big one, and also I don't have to wait for the effects to kick in. Those obviously aren't good excuses but it's the best I could figure out.
I guess I just need some words of wisdom/encouragement right now. What sucks the most is last summer I went 6 weeks without shooting any sub OR even snorting it. 6 weeks clean and I blew it last fall when this girl gave me a line mixed with xanax and after that I feel back off the wagon. Sorry to make this sooo long but I'm just at the edge here. I can tell it's taking a toll on me mentally and definitely physically.
I guess I'm here to say that tomorrow morning is the last time I'm gonna bang it and shortly after I taper down for a couple more weeks snorting I'm gonna try to put it down again completely. I guess I'm just looking for some pointers to help this go around and some positive vibes to head this way. Thanks if you've made it this far.

 

[grimsolem]

hey bud..
well it seems like your thread kinda got pushed down here, so id figured id give it my best attempt at what can be called encouragement.
first of all, dont take that last shot. eat those skittles to help with wd's, or shaft em if you have too, but your excuses are lame and youre not doing back on topz be careful who you hang with. Some people are just bad for youz and for gods sake dont take that next free lineeyourself any favors but destroying your arms.
cmon man, youve kicked the habit before so you know what you need to do.. and you know can do it. an opi habit is never a good thing. but this time be more careful who you hang with, and for gods sake dont take that line!

 

[TheLostBoys]

1) Watch who you hang with, anyone with drugs is not the person you should be hanging out with.

2) Taper off slowly but not with a damn needle, break that thing with a hammer.

3) Good luck!

 

[theartofwar]

Bupe is incredibly powerful so ya thats gonna be a tough kick after 2 years.

HOWEVER- you have a supr long acting opiod ,, ween as stated w/out the PIN bro, you seem hooked on the needle thats gotta stop or youll end up back in trouble.

hit me up if u need help i was on 40mg of subs or 1 1/2 years

 

[canarylove]

i abused subbutex/suboxone illicitly gotten, for two years shooting it. Perth had a heroin drought after sept 11, so when subby came out it was the next best available opioid. I started to get little lumps around or near injection sites which i was told by a dr were powder deposits from whacking the sub. Not doing it anymore but stuck on the gear and on low dose done. I guess what im saying is that you arent alone in doing what you have done.

 

[jackie jones]

You have the ability to quit. That is just how it is. It is a lie when they say in NA that you are powerless. There was a time that I thought that I would never quit opiates, and once I found my reason, seven years of serious addiction was ceased immediately.

If you care to talk privately, shoot me a pm.

 

[Detrevni]

Thanks guys for the support cause I don't have much support in my physical surroundings. This is day two without the rig and i feel like i have a good shot at it this time around. I'm not going to quit cold turkey altogether this time as it was hell for a bit, however I AM done with the rig. I'm just gonna snort the sub and slowly taper but my main focus, and main problem, is the needle. Once again thanks just for being there. I can feel that shit messing up my body every time it goes straight into the veins. I'll keep an update periodically if i'm still going strong or if i've slipped up again, but I don't see slipping up as an option this time. God bless BL'ers. Peace.

 

[Georgie25]

Hey man Im exactly like you in regards to shooting my subs. I was scripted 24mgs a day in Jan 2010 but would only take 4mg under the tongue as it's all I really needed and figured I was paying such high prices to get them it would be good to make them last as long as possible. So I kept that up until about 6 months ago when I relapsed on H again, didnt last long though and went back to my subs, but the taste was horrible and Ive always had a needle fixation, so I started shooting the subs instead. I found I was able to stretch my sub supply even longer and satisify my need to use a needle every day but still maintain a normal life. I would usually shoot .5mg 4x a day and that was enough to keep my happy and w/d free. The morning shot was what I always looked forward to the most, as I was somewhat sick upon waking up as my last shot was usually round 12 or so hours before that. I got my last 90 8mg count script 3 months ago and have made them last all the way until a couple weeks back, and was able to taper a little bit lower to make the w/d a bit easier, but I keep making excuses to put off starting my jump off of it completely and have been buying 1 8mg sub and making it last all week shooting it.. so that's what I am at right now, shooting in the same vein (only one I have left thats easiest to hit, been using the same vein for about 3 months now, 4x a day, 99% of the time re-used rigs, some WEEKS old and used over 60 times, no numbers, hard to even push the plunger down when injecting it, etc etc) but somehow it has kept up fine, just some scar tissue starting to form over some parts of it, which I sometimes go right thru anyway for an easy hit when sick...

Oh and I agree this shit cant be too good for our bodies. How are you filtering it? I only use a cotton filter..but filter it a bunch of times to where the liquid is a clear orange color, nothing floating or cloudy at all. I have been noticing myself coughing a lot and having some breathing trouble as well, I think it's the pill binders/fillers accumulating in my lungs? And thats only from doing it for about 6 months, so Im sure at 2 years you've experience some negative health effects as well, would like to hear about that if you dont mind.

But yeah, I'm also down to my last 6mg of sub and plan to taper as low as possible (.5mg a couple days, then .25mg etc) before jumping off and hopefully making it thru the w/ds...

Good luck man let us know how it goes

Peace

 

[AwTin]

hey bud..
well it seems like your thread kinda got pushed down here, so id figured id give it my best attempt at what can be called encouragement.
first of all, dont take that last shot. eat those skittles to help with wd's, or shaft em if you have too, but your excuses are lame and youre not doing back on topz be careful who you hang with. Some people are just bad for youz and for gods sake dont take that next free lineeyourself any favors but destroying your arms.
cmon man, youve kicked the habit before so you know what you need to do.. and you know can do it. an opi habit is never a good thing. but this time be more careful who you hang with, and for gods sake dont take that line!

Dude, do you really think that simply telling an addict to stop is good advice? How many times do you think he's heard that?