Six years high, seven days clean

[zebedee79]

I started abusing opiates six years ago, nothing serious just 60mg of codeine made me feel amazing. Three years ago I had a breakdown, and with no help from dr's the codeine became my only release, without it I was a mess. Very quickly things got out of hand, I was taking 3g of dihydrocodeine, codeine daily. I couldn't sustain it, was getting severe withdrawals. I did what I had to to stop the pain, I went out and scored some heroin for the first time. Very quickly things spiralled out of control, before long I was using a gram a day, my whole life became about getting money and scoring heroin. I was a full blown heroin addict, with a job and a mortgage. I somehow managed to keep everything together just about. I'm in a lot of debt but I've kept my addiction secret, and kept my job (I work in pharmacy, heroin addiction isn't good).

After many hellish cold turkey attempts, trying subs and failing, finally seven days ago I used heroin and said no more. Over the last week I've gone from 8mg of sub to just 1mg and finally I'm feeling ok. I'm starting to get pleasure from little things, food is starting to taste nice, I had a drink of water yesterday that felt like heaven. I've a long way to go, but for me seven days clean is a massive step in the right direction. I've abused drink and drugs since I was 12, and they'll always be part of my life I think. But I need out of the prison of opiate addiction.

Like I said I'm not there yet, but I'm finally making progress. More than anything I'd like to thank everyone on here who replied to my post, advised me and also to the site in general, the information I've gained kept me from injecting (thank god) and finally helped to get where I am. So thanks, the time people are prepared to give amazes me.

Cheers

Zeb

 

[Moreaux]

Congratulations!!! Great job! I think the biggest thing you can do to help yourself is to address the issues that are driving you to use. I struggled with addictions since I was 16 and found the only way to break the cycle was to deal with the underlying issues. I think addiction is a symptom of a larger problem, and to break free you hve to resolve that problem or get closer to resolving it. I started focusing on the root issue in 2010 and was finally able to stop the addiction cycle in 2014. It took years but it was worth it.

I recommend you find yourself a good therapist (you may have to test drive several before you find one you like), and work with them to get to the root cause. Try to keep an open mind, and try to go easy on yourself.

Again - kudos on your seven days! That's huge and I hope you are proud of yourself! It takes a lot to make it that far. Stay strong and please keep us updated!

 

[zebedee79]

Thanks, and yeah your right. I started cutting myself at 12, I'm 37 now and realise I'm just hurting myself in other ways. Little steps, but at least in the right direction. Cheers man

 

[Raysu]

Zen, your progress report is the best yet! That's a long time with a tough habit, the temptation at work, and wow you sound so genuine about your great decision to get healthier. I'm also 37 and on day 7 oddly enough. I'm still on the fence but feel better so that helps me want to stick with it. Today my brain wanted to convince me that one week of hell is still worth a couple weeks high. I've got my work set out for me to stay clean this time for sure! Thanks again and way to go!

 

[Moreaux]

I think it's a little easier to get sober when you're older. I was 36 when I got totally clean, and I realized I had a much different mindset than in my 20's. The concern of never being able to use again didn't phase me like it had in my younger days - the drive to party and require a social lubricant to do so had finally left me. Of course, in the last five years of my using I had isolated myself pretty well.

Raysu - kudos on your seven days! That's great!

 

[zebedee79]

Raysu, well done mate. I'm struggling with the crazy things my brains telling me, trying to justify using but if you relapse now, the pain and hard works for nothing. Stay strong friend, you know inside what's gonna happen if you use now. Good luck

 

[manboychef]

addiction truly is cunning, baffling, and powerful.

I second seeing a therapist. It really helped me to stay sober. I was trying to quit for a great number of years and as a chronic relapser I would always find a way to talk myself into it. Accountability from a therapist, and working on my underlying issues with therapy and medication was really what I needed.