Some days are just so hard
and the tears in my heart are never far from my eyes
I've fallen so far down
it'll never be quite the same
the horrible things we've said to one another
we tried to hurt when
we forgot how to love
but I just want the screaming to end
I want us to be sisters again.
I know you think I did it to hurt you
and I've heard you cry yourself to sleep so many nights
you wanted me to be
someone I wasn't yet ready to be
and I'm not quite there now
but I'm trying
and I'll get there when I get there
and not a minute before
but when I do, will you say you're proud of me?
Or will you still hate me because it took too long?
You gave up too early darling
but I don't hate you
you can't hate someone for not understanding
just like you can't hate someone
for having to learn from their own mistakes
and somehow learn to live through them.
I know I hurt you
but you hurt me too
when you couldn't love me
for who I am right now
and not just for who you wanted me to be.
I just want to hug you now
and smoke cigarettes together in bed again
I just want the screaming and the hate to end
I want us to be sisters again.
---------------------------------------------
I wrote this for my sister and best friend Kate. I blame myself and my meth problem for driving us apart, but also her ongoing resentment of me for having that problem and me not being able to fix it for a long time. I pushed her away because she tried to force help on me...she didn't know what to do...except yell. I didn't need that...but I could have used someone to talk to...but she didn't know how to do that either. Now I'm getting back on my feet again, but she doesn't see because she just sees the past...and it hurts. But what hurts the most is the fear that I've lost my best friend...I really hope not.
~kimmy.
and the tears in my heart are never far from my eyes
I've fallen so far down
it'll never be quite the same
the horrible things we've said to one another
we tried to hurt when
we forgot how to love
but I just want the screaming to end
I want us to be sisters again.
I know you think I did it to hurt you
and I've heard you cry yourself to sleep so many nights
you wanted me to be
someone I wasn't yet ready to be
and I'm not quite there now
but I'm trying
and I'll get there when I get there
and not a minute before
but when I do, will you say you're proud of me?
Or will you still hate me because it took too long?
You gave up too early darling
but I don't hate you
you can't hate someone for not understanding
just like you can't hate someone
for having to learn from their own mistakes
and somehow learn to live through them.
I know I hurt you
but you hurt me too
when you couldn't love me
for who I am right now
and not just for who you wanted me to be.
I just want to hug you now
and smoke cigarettes together in bed again
I just want the screaming and the hate to end
I want us to be sisters again.
---------------------------------------------
I wrote this for my sister and best friend Kate. I blame myself and my meth problem for driving us apart, but also her ongoing resentment of me for having that problem and me not being able to fix it for a long time. I pushed her away because she tried to force help on me...she didn't know what to do...except yell. I didn't need that...but I could have used someone to talk to...but she didn't know how to do that either. Now I'm getting back on my feet again, but she doesn't see because she just sees the past...and it hurts. But what hurts the most is the fear that I've lost my best friend...I really hope not.
~kimmy.
