sigh

[dankhead88]

Hi, I'm David and I am an alcoholic.

Well shit, I was hoping to never reach this darkest point in my life, but I'm afraid. Day after day drinking from day to night. I fucked up, fucked up big time. I am in probation and got arrested for marijuana possession. Now I'm knee high on shit to pay off the government. The fact that I might always screw up scare me. The fact that I might get arrested for a long time scare me. The fact that I might get into another car accident scares me. Sigh, After I got probation shit went to hell. I got into 2 car accidents(not serious luckily) in one week. My car is trashy looking, and the result of my drinking got me fired from one of my job. I know this isn't the way to go but I don't know why I keep drinking. Day after day, every kind of money I can find I spend it on beer. Drinking in the morning before my shift, drink another beer during break sometimes, drink lots in night. I know better than that, but for some reason. I find comfort yet great discomfort in this lifestyle. Sigh, just letting this off of my chest. I keep telling myself I'll be sober but I then get cravings for a beer or some kind of beverage. If I have one I feel guilty and feel like a failure. 2 beers a day went to 4, then 6, then 8. It just keeps increasing and I want to stop this before I get into a serious accident in life. Sigh, I just don't know, I just don't know.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Have you tried going to a doctor for assistance? You don't have to do a detox if you don't want to.

The best thing you can do for yourself now is at least admit to yourself that you have a problem and you need to work on it. First, if you can't stop drinking, then never allow yourself to drink and drive again. Simply don't allow for such a thing to happen to yourself. Always find adequate places to stay while you are drinking so you will never have to leave/drive away from somewhere.

Next, find a decent enough doctor who can help you with your problem.

Best of luck with your possession charge, get a good lawyer.

 

[Legerity]

Hi David...are your goals to completely stop drinking, or are you looking to avoid problems associated with excessive consumption?

If you are not prepared to completely quit, there are still things you can do in the meantime. Like Captain.Heroin said, you should certainly avoid driving when drunk. Or how about avoiding first thing in the morning and starting to drink after work? Don't think that the only options are drinking all day or not at all, there is a middle-ground.

If you can find a counselor that is knowledgeable about addiction that can be a great help. I've done a phone session with one that deals with people who want to moderate drinking or drug use, if you are interested just send me a PM and I can give you more information.

 

[SilverFeniks]

Hey David ... all of what you said describes a friend of mine (ex-roommate as well, ex due to all that) 100%. Not to mention more than a bit of myself.
My buddy got DUIs, lost jobs due to his drinking, woke up with a shot and a pint, was on Probation, and in addition lost his friends/family and places to stay because of it.

Wish I could give you advice based on his success, but he's still drinking, and just today I was explaining the eviction process to him so he could try and defend against it.
He did manage to stop drinking briefly due to court-ordered treatment, didn't last long though.

I've struggled with drinking myself, coming from a moderately alcoholic family; amazing how much we can hate alcohol more than anything in the world one day, and forget all about it the next just long enough to buy some more drink.

I guess about all the advice I can offer is to think of the consequences of continuing your behavior .. is a brew really worth being locked up in Jail? I'm assuming you can't drink as a result of your Probation (which, of course, doesn't stop too many people).

I'm sure you mentioned wrecking your car in reference to DUI (something else my buddy did, a couple nites before his last DUI arrest). Imagine doing 5-10 years for manslaughter because you couldn't stay sober or at home just for one night.
I used to drive drunk all the time, across 3 states, even as a Minor ... hardly affected my driving at all, guess cos I had so much practice. Never came close to wrecking and never got pulled over; wasn't until I got older and learned the consequences that I realized how incredibly stupid doing it even once is. Even ignoring the potential danger, the fines and license suspension, nevermind all the legal/Probation hoops, just aren't worth it.

Its important to envision a status-quo future .. do you want to wake up every day of the rest of your life, ashamed and hung over?
Do some research into the terrible effects that even moderate drinking does to your brain/organs. I think we all take that for granted (especially the brain bit, livers be damned).

While the big picture is obviously the main thing, that's easy enough to ignore on a daily basis, resulting in continued drinking ... at least with Probation over your head now, you have a pretty damn real, immediate incentive to stay sober.
I'm no AA guy, but the "one day at a time" mantra really is true. Focus on what's possible now, not the distant future.
You're surely going to have slip-ups, but use them to shame yourself into not repeating them (rather than allowing surrender), or at least a painful reminder of how sh*tty alcohol will make you feel.

Maybe make a list of things you'd love to buy (or trips, whatever), with corresponding prices ... then directly opposite, start tracking your daily alcohol intake and expenditures. Don't let yourself throw this out. It's gonna add up painfully quick.

The more days sober you have, the easier it is. Over time alcohol's hold on you will fade.
Once you do get sober for a week or three, the most important thing is to try and remember all of the above .. or else you'll be sure you can handle it, and before long, here we go again. This part I know so well it depresses me