• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Should i tell my therapist the truth

RRJ31337

RRJ31337

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2016
Messages
70
Hey guys. Alright so basically shit has gotten unbearable. I have a docs appt with a psych doctor on monday. For therapy and meds

Was addicted to fent in 2019 and 2020. Got off it but started drinking. I was working at a warehouse with an alcoholic culture and they allowed us to drink as long as we got our work done. Was drinking 1 four loko and a 5th a night.

Few months ago i quit that job, started working for a new warehouse, also with a drinking culture.

I would wake up at 6:45 and be out the house by 7 cause thats when they sell alcohol. Id buy 2 mikes hards and chug them on the way to work, on break a madd dogg or wild irish rose
On lunch id drink another wild irish. Then after that job was over id go to my 2nd job and before i got there id get a four loko.

On june 29th my co worker brought me a bottle of Mead and thinking it wasnt that strong i chugged it. I was almost home. I blacked out and crashed into a tree. Had to go to hospital drunk as fuck, the staff wouldnt talk to me. They got my little sisters number and she came to get me, i was outta there in 15 mins after i woke up with a torn PCL

I have been out of work since june 29th, i stepped down the alcohol, ive only had beer for 1 month. 8 nattys a day.

Im afraid if i tell my therapist they will recomend rehab. I cant afford rehab. I only drink cause of the anxiety and depression. Docs appt is in 2 days im scared

7:55 am, kids are going to school and i just came back from a beer run an HOUR ago fuck this
Edit:: here is the pic of my car. People at the wrecking yard were shocked when they saw me Walk in on just crutches



 
Last edited:
If you let fear dictate you I just want to share something from Dune about that: fear is the mindkiller it will consume you.

Go ahead and tell em if you can does a recommendation equal mandation?
 
Yes. The truth shall set you free. Going to therapy and not being transparent won't help you at all. The therapists only know what we tell them. If they don't know what the REAL problem is they can't help us. Bare your soul, get on the right meds, and start feeling better about yourself and life in general. :Mario:
 
If you are mostly concerned with getting prescribed medications for depression/anxiety, then I would say "No." The minute you mention how out-of-control your drinking is, they are going to 1) view "alcohol use disorder" as your primary mental health problem that needs to be treated that before anything else, and 2) grow extremely wary of prescribing you much in the way of medications (even the "harmless" SSRIs they hand out like candy) for fear of how it will interact with the boatload of alcohol making its way through your system everyday.

On the other hand, if you really truly want to treat the depression/anxiety and get better, then perhaps a "Yes" is in order.

You say that your anxiety/depression is what causes the drinking, not vice versa, and I'm very sympathetic to that view. For many years, I spent my free time in a cycle of: lying in bed all day paralyzed by self-loathing and anxious rumination; dragging myself to a psychiatrist's appointment for yet another dose increase or new medication; drinking my way through an evening of actual enjoyment until impaired enough to shut off my mind for the night; and repeating it ad nauseam.

Throughout this time, I wholeheartedly believed that my alcohol use wasn't exacerbating my mental problems. I thought they preexisted my drinking and were the underlying factor that led me to gradually start getting drunk every night. Looking back, it seems clear that I never gave myself a legitimate shot at getting better. Alcohol may or may not be a "depressant" (as people love to point out), but I do believe that it can sink you ever deeper into a pit of anxiety and despair, as you spend each day rebounding from the previous night's drunkenness. (Or if you drink around the clock -- as you currently do, and as I sometimes did too -- riding an hour-to-hour rollercoaster of constant rebounding as you chase the buzz.)

I preach this now but I certainly did not practice it then, so please don't think this comment is intended to chastise you. I myself never really "quit" drinking, just traded it in for a drug habit...a path I cannot recommend. Even today, with my mind still clouded, I can see very clearly how badly I managed to delude myself concerning alcohol, how deeply I managed to rationalize away the possibility of it doing me any harm.... Willful blindness was preferable to the unpleasantness of facing up to reality, and having to chose which I wanted more -- feeling better as a human being or continuing to get drunk every night.

FWIW, I lied about my drinking 100% of the time I spoke to a mental health practitioner, it was a no-brainer... and the less-than-stellar outcome I achieved might be a testament to that path's merits....
 
Last edited:
Thank you guys. Im trying to step down the drinking, like i said i dont drink hard alcohol, just beer, and its at 8 a day right now. Trying to bring it down more, when i get on meds i plan to cut the drinking and marijuana entirely.
I dont have any interest in doing any hard drugs or hallucys ever again

I am going to tell my therapist the truth
 
RRJ31337 said:
Hey guys. Alright so basically shit has gotten unbearable. I have a docs appt with a psych doctor on monday. For therapy and meds

Was addicted to fent in 2019 and 2020. Got off it but started drinking. I was working at a warehouse with an alcoholic culture and they allowed us to drink as long as we got our work done. Was drinking 1 four loko and a 5th a night.

Few months ago i quit that job, started working for a new warehouse, also with a drinking culture.

I would wake up at 6:45 and be out the house by 7 cause thats when they sell alcohol. Id buy 2 mikes hards and chug them on the way to work, on break a madd dogg or wild irish rose
On lunch id drink another wild irish. Then after that job was over id go to my 2nd job and before i got there id get a four loko.

On june 29th my co worker brought me a bottle of Mead and thinking it wasnt that strong i chugged it. I was almost home. I blacked out and crashed into a tree. Had to go to hospital drunk as fuck, the staff wouldnt talk to me. They got my little sisters number and she came to get me, i was outta there in 15 mins after i woke up with a torn PCL

I have been out of work since june 29th, i stepped down the alcohol, ive only had beer for 1 month. 8 nattys a day.

Im afraid if i tell my therapist they will recomend rehab. I cant afford rehab. I only drink cause of the anxiety and depression. Docs appt is in 2 days im scared

I have a picture of my wrecked car but this wont let me upload directly from my phone and idgaf at the moment to figure it out. 7:55 am, kids are going to school and i just came back from a beer run an HOUR ago fuck this
Click to expand...
Bro. Wild Irish rose? Are you serious? Are you 14?
 
telepathetic said:
Bro. Wild Irish rose? Are you serious? Are you 14?
Click to expand...
No im 29. Wild irish rose has a high alcohol content for a malt liquor. When i stopped shooting heroin i started drinking but i was still working 2 jobs. I wouldnt drink hard alcohol because liquor stores are not open at 6AM my friend. It was a MD2020/ Wild irish rose/ bootlegger or four loko. You can get it from the gas station at any time.
I dont drink those any more, or four lokos.

When i was at my warehouse id drink a 5th of Jack daniels or 3 four lokos a night. Then at my next job i was downing a 5th of everclear a day. I quit that shit i quit the MD i quit the four lokos i strictly drink beer.

My drinking was never to COMPLETELY black myself out. I was drinking in order to keep pushing, keep working, i wouldnt get drunk to the point of double vision, i only drank so i could do my job and not break down crying having a panic attack.

thats how its been for years with drugs too, i didnt start doing heroin cause it was "fun"
i tried it in 2016 and was like okay. In 2018 i popped my bicep tendon at work and spent half my check at the urgent care cause i didnt have insurance. Naproxen is what i got. Couldnt bend my arm but i still had to work but i live from check to check. What was the next best cheapest painkiller? FENT!

It was never "partying" for me man i used drugs and alc so i can be Okay Existing.
Im tryna taper down so i can be 100% sober by the time i see my doctor. Im not just going for drugs hahahaha im tryna fix my shit and be sober 100% and start working full time again
 
Last edited:
All my fucking friends that i grew up with are falling apart and every day its someone new
I was the person people came to talk to and i cant even talk on the phone at the moment cause my shits fucked up too but im gonna fix this and become the man again. Promise
 
Yes. Speaking from experience, always tell the truth to your shrinks/therapists.

By lying or leaving anything out you are only hurting yourself.

If your therapist changes negatively after the truth - go find a new one, because he cares more about his reputation than YOU.

That's the thing with shrinks, you might need to go through a few before you find one that actually cares about YOU and your problems and wants genuinely to help.

Some are there to just give you bullshit textbook advice for a paycheck.
 
RRJ31337 said:
Thank you guys. Im trying to step down the drinking, like i said i dont drink hard alcohol, just beer, and its at 8 a day right now. Trying to bring it down more, when i get on meds i plan to cut the drinking and marijuana entirely.
I dont have any interest in doing any hard drugs or hallucys ever again

I am going to tell my therapist the truth
Click to expand...
Good choice 😉
 
RRJ31337 said:
All my fucking friends that i grew up with are falling apart and every day its someone new
I was the person people came to talk to and i cant even talk on the phone at the moment cause my shits fucked up too but im gonna fix this and become the man again. Promise
Click to expand...

Do you happen to be INFP personality?

This sounds like something I would type verbatim. I'm hardcore INFP.

I'm 33 and have lost 7 friends to overdoses over the years. It's tragic, but you can't let that bring you down. I turned it into a positive, I am now an activist of harm reduction. I help people now, which in turns helps me. (INFP!)

The worst part was it was the nicest, happiest, brightest kids that ended up dying to drugs. The ones you'd least expect. That was the worst part. The kids I thought were super fucked up even more than me are still alive.
 
RRJ31337 said:
No im 29. Wild irish rose has a high alcohol content for a malt liquor. When i stopped shooting heroin i started drinking but i was still working 2 jobs. I wouldnt drink hard alcohol because liquor stores are not open at 6AM my friend. It was a MD2020/ Wild irish rose/ bootlegger or four loko. You can get it from the gas station at any time.
I dont drink those any more, or four lokos.

When i was at my warehouse id drink a 5th of Jack daniels or 3 four lokos a night. Then at my next job i was downing a 5th of everclear a day. I quit that shit i quit the MD i quit the four lokos i strictly drink beer.

My drinking was never to COMPLETELY black myself out. I was drinking in order to keep pushing, keep working, i wouldnt get drunk to the point of double vision, i only drank so i could do my job and not break down crying having a panic attack.

thats how its been for years with drugs too, i didnt start doing heroin cause it was "fun"
i tried it in 2016 and was like okay. In 2018 i popped my bicep tendon at work and spent half my check at the urgent care cause i didnt have insurance. Naproxen is what i got. Couldnt bend my arm but i still had to work but i live from check to check. What was the next best cheapest painkiller? FENT!

It was never "partying" for me man i used drugs and alc so i can be Okay Existing.
Im tryna taper down so i can be 100% sober by the time i see my doctor. Im not just going for drugs hahahaha im tryna fix my shit and be sober 100% and start working full time again
Click to expand...
I know what you mean. As a 30 year H addict, I was certainly not using it to "party". I was using it to LIVE.

As far as being honest w your therapist about the drinking, I have mixed feelings. I would hate to see you turned away or sent straight to rehab when that isnt an option right now, because of the booze. But I also know that therapy is pretty useless if you arent honest.

If it doesnt work out w this therapist and you end up having to find another one, look for one who specializes in addiction. Good luck to you and please let us know how it went! CHEERS
 
Negentropic said:
Do you happen to be INFP personality?

This sounds like something I would type verbatim. I'm hardcore INFP.

I'm 33 and have lost 7 friends to overdoses over the years. It's tragic, but you can't let that bring you down. I turned it into a positive, I am now an activist of harm reduction. I help people now, which in turns helps me. (INFP!)

The worst part was it was the nicest, happiest, brightest kids that ended up dying to drugs. The ones you'd least expect. That was the worst part. The kids I thought were super fucked up even more than me are still alive.
Click to expand...
Im not sure what my personality type is, ive taken a test long ago but i dont remember
I know how you feel man it sucks. That kinda shit fucks with you Hard. Im 29 but i grew up with a lot of people older than me and i looked up to some of these folks. Some are good friends that moved away
Ive talked to a few of them over the last few months and everyone is doing really fucking bad and its like damn.

Im scared for a few of my friends but we are all adults with responsibilities. They know the demons they face. Right now i gotta fix my own shit and i wanna get better so i can be there for my homies again
 
RRJ31337 said:
Im not sure what my personality type is, ive taken a test long ago but i dont remember
I know how you feel man it sucks. That kinda shit fucks with you Hard. Im 29 but i grew up with a lot of people older than me and i looked up to some of these folks. Some are good friends that moved away
Ive talked to a few of them over the last few months and everyone is doing really fucking bad and its like damn.

Im scared for a few of my friends but we are all adults with responsibilities. They know the demons they face. Right now i gotta fix my own shit and i wanna get better so i can be there for my homies again
Click to expand...
Absolutely. You arent gonna be much good to anyone else if you're in a mess yourself. And you can't get better for them either; it has to be about you. Ive heard it said by folks that recovery is one place where its ok to be totally selfish, if that makes sense. You have to fight for it, maybe like you've never fought before. You have to be Numero Uno right now.

I wish you the best, and I hope it works out w the shrink. When is your appointment, may I ask?

CHEERS, J.
 
deficiT said:
TDS is not the place to crack jokes and/or make fun of people. You can tell by how they responded that your comment wasn't appreciated and didn't help the thread. Please do better in the future.
Click to expand...
Thank you for saying that. When I read it I was kinda lke "Ehhh, not cool..." but didnt want to say anything since I'm not on here much. CHEERS, J.👍🏾
 
Junkkee said:
Absolutely. You arent gonna be much good to anyone else if you're in a mess yourself. And you can't get better for them either; it has to be about you. Ive heard it said by folks that recovery is one place where its ok to be totally selfish, if that makes sense. You have to fight for it, maybe like you've never fought before. You have to be Numero Uno right now.

I wish you the best, and I hope it works out w the shrink. When is your appointment, may I ask?

CHEERS, J.
Click to expand...
Tomorrow morning
 
RRJ31337 said:
Tomorrow morning
Click to expand...
Hey there. Hoping your appointment this a.m. went well. If you would like to share, I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting to hear about it. If you would rather we keep our nosy asses out of it, that's totally understandable🙂

CHEERS, J.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top