speedballs_over
Bluelighter
Hey folks - Sorry this is so long. I tried to keep it short, but it's complex. I hope I've helped some folks here in the past when they've reached out, I know I've spent hours writing advice to people here (I had a different user name 2003 - 2010). Today, I need to ask the community for help. PM-ing would be a good way to reply, or to the thread. I need some very specific advice from people who have been through this. I cannot go to the medical community with this one. Period.
Thankfully, the abuse I'm about to detail has only been going on for one month, and a break of a week was in there: 1 week on, 1 week off, 2 weeks on. I'm hoping that the acute nature of this serious abuse will mean it won't be as bad to get back under control versus had it had been many months. I believe in prior posts I swore what I'm a writing next would never happen, famous last words from an intractable drug addict.
Here's the run down: I'd like specific advise for my situation, that's asking a lot... so thank you in advance:
My baseline: GAD/Panic disorder, bupe patient (ex-slammer).
Prescribed: Lamictal (mood stabilize), K-pins (anxiety/GAD), clonodine prn for vasoconstriction (acute anxiety attacks), testosterone (dope killed my nads), bupropion for the fall-winter for SAD, but I'm lowering that dosage now as it increases seizure risk, and I smoke a bit of weed, about 1-g day of medical mj, super nice indicas for nighttime.
My current predicament: Etizolam as an RC, i.e., powder not tabs/pellets:
Never saw it before Nov 5th this year. One month ago. I took 6-mg the first day after allergy tests. I have a mg scale and am a chemist by trade, so my numbers are genuine. I didn't take my K-pins most of these days.
After that first sweet dose, I stupidly upped the dose the next few days to around b/w 6 and 25-mg of etiz a day for just that one week in November, the 5th - 11th. That consumed the 100-mg I bought, some spilled, some I spat out, so probably 85-mg consumed of the 100 I'd gotten. I ran out in ~6 days.
No issues with that. Felt fine. No w/ds, started taking my K-pins again and life is all good, really good. I have had no major memory issues so far, but I'm scared they will begin. So far none of this has affected my life to the extent that responsibilities or social interactions have been altered, so it'd be easy to just keep going, but I can't. I decided I have to stop this idiocy b/f any more time passes.
Then I got more, a good deal more.
The last ten days Nov 29 - Dec 7, I've taken b/w 18 - 25-mg/day. One day I took 50-mg. Stupid. But that was my only excursion above 25mg in any 24 hour period.
I want to taper this stuff and not suffer too bad. I know, good luck right? To be sure I have enough of this stuff to do a taper that shouldn't hurt too bad. That's what I need help with. People who have been where I am - would you continue to take your K-pins as prescribed during the taper, increase them or decrease them? I'm thinking I should take at least 2 of the 3-mg every day as I taper, but I'm not sure… I didn't take K-pins as much, some days not at all while taking etiz, so I have stock of that too.
I made up about 400-mg etiz in PG that I prepared b/f I put the remainder in the safe. Most of that solution is with me. Last night I felt I needed about 15-mg to not panic and so I could sleep. I suppose that means my "habit" is around 15-mg/day, or is it? B/c it's only been a few weeks? I don't know how long it takes to develop benzo/thieno dependency, it varies with person and substance. I know with dope it took well over a month of daily IV use for me to start to feel bad on a day I didn't use.
Can anyone suggest a taper schedule for me? Do I need to taper much or can I go fast - like 12 today, 7 tomorrow, 5 the next, 4, 3, 2, 1… or would I be better advised to go much slower?
Going slow scares me b/c I think it will only make things worse. Going fast scares me b/c I'm afraid of w/ds… but haven't yet felt them much, if at all. I live alone and drive a good deal, having a seizure would be irresponsible to others as much as it is potentially lethal for me.
Do I go 15, 14, 13 .... 1...0.5, 0.25, etc... dropping each day (would have me on it as ong as I have been already, maybe doubling the length, that can't be good?)
Do I CT and up my K-pin dose? What has worked for others? I've read the mega thread, but this situation of mine is kind of nique in how fast/deep it happened, and that I have enough of everything to do this with minimal pain,
Haven't taken any etiz in the last 12 hours, took 2-mg K-pin this AM, that's fairly typical for me over the last decade. Fell ok now, it's 1 PM. I should start to feel the w/ds if they present much at all in a few hours. I'll check back here later this evening.
Thanks, much love to everyone.
Thankfully, the abuse I'm about to detail has only been going on for one month, and a break of a week was in there: 1 week on, 1 week off, 2 weeks on. I'm hoping that the acute nature of this serious abuse will mean it won't be as bad to get back under control versus had it had been many months. I believe in prior posts I swore what I'm a writing next would never happen, famous last words from an intractable drug addict.
Here's the run down: I'd like specific advise for my situation, that's asking a lot... so thank you in advance:
My baseline: GAD/Panic disorder, bupe patient (ex-slammer).
Prescribed: Lamictal (mood stabilize), K-pins (anxiety/GAD), clonodine prn for vasoconstriction (acute anxiety attacks), testosterone (dope killed my nads), bupropion for the fall-winter for SAD, but I'm lowering that dosage now as it increases seizure risk, and I smoke a bit of weed, about 1-g day of medical mj, super nice indicas for nighttime.
My current predicament: Etizolam as an RC, i.e., powder not tabs/pellets:
Never saw it before Nov 5th this year. One month ago. I took 6-mg the first day after allergy tests. I have a mg scale and am a chemist by trade, so my numbers are genuine. I didn't take my K-pins most of these days.
After that first sweet dose, I stupidly upped the dose the next few days to around b/w 6 and 25-mg of etiz a day for just that one week in November, the 5th - 11th. That consumed the 100-mg I bought, some spilled, some I spat out, so probably 85-mg consumed of the 100 I'd gotten. I ran out in ~6 days.
No issues with that. Felt fine. No w/ds, started taking my K-pins again and life is all good, really good. I have had no major memory issues so far, but I'm scared they will begin. So far none of this has affected my life to the extent that responsibilities or social interactions have been altered, so it'd be easy to just keep going, but I can't. I decided I have to stop this idiocy b/f any more time passes.
Then I got more, a good deal more.
The last ten days Nov 29 - Dec 7, I've taken b/w 18 - 25-mg/day. One day I took 50-mg. Stupid. But that was my only excursion above 25mg in any 24 hour period.
I want to taper this stuff and not suffer too bad. I know, good luck right? To be sure I have enough of this stuff to do a taper that shouldn't hurt too bad. That's what I need help with. People who have been where I am - would you continue to take your K-pins as prescribed during the taper, increase them or decrease them? I'm thinking I should take at least 2 of the 3-mg every day as I taper, but I'm not sure… I didn't take K-pins as much, some days not at all while taking etiz, so I have stock of that too.
I made up about 400-mg etiz in PG that I prepared b/f I put the remainder in the safe. Most of that solution is with me. Last night I felt I needed about 15-mg to not panic and so I could sleep. I suppose that means my "habit" is around 15-mg/day, or is it? B/c it's only been a few weeks? I don't know how long it takes to develop benzo/thieno dependency, it varies with person and substance. I know with dope it took well over a month of daily IV use for me to start to feel bad on a day I didn't use.
Can anyone suggest a taper schedule for me? Do I need to taper much or can I go fast - like 12 today, 7 tomorrow, 5 the next, 4, 3, 2, 1… or would I be better advised to go much slower?
Going slow scares me b/c I think it will only make things worse. Going fast scares me b/c I'm afraid of w/ds… but haven't yet felt them much, if at all. I live alone and drive a good deal, having a seizure would be irresponsible to others as much as it is potentially lethal for me.
Do I go 15, 14, 13 .... 1...0.5, 0.25, etc... dropping each day (would have me on it as ong as I have been already, maybe doubling the length, that can't be good?)
Do I CT and up my K-pin dose? What has worked for others? I've read the mega thread, but this situation of mine is kind of nique in how fast/deep it happened, and that I have enough of everything to do this with minimal pain,
Haven't taken any etiz in the last 12 hours, took 2-mg K-pin this AM, that's fairly typical for me over the last decade. Fell ok now, it's 1 PM. I should start to feel the w/ds if they present much at all in a few hours. I'll check back here later this evening.
Thanks, much love to everyone.
